Once I was very worried because before every serious event, performance, I was so nervous that I either flunked everything, or I forgot something, I would not say it in such a tone, I would not present it so brightly. People worry before a meeting, when applying for a job, when a loved one does not answer, etc. You can’t list all the situations. However generic methods rebalancing exist.
When a person is nervous, misses important events, worrying about the little things. At this time he has:
- reduced mental activity, ability to focus;
- cognitive deterioration (which makes you even more nervous - a vicious circle);
- loss of control over the situation;
- performance decreases, fatigue increases, fatigue sets in.
Work on a life plan. This allows you to pay attention to important events, and not worry about every trifle. Constantly remind yourself of the main goals and plans. Carry the list with you.
Reasons for concern
First of all, you need to explain the causes of anxiety, sort them out point by point. Determine not only the situation and your own, but also internal factors. For example, the excitement public speaking- a consequence of poor preparation or fear of being ridiculed, shyness, ignorance of the topic.
The nervous state, as a rule, is accompanied by anxiety and. This is the body's natural response to a threat. It remains to be seen whether the threat is real. In the case of the previous example, think about what happens if you make a mistake or someone doesn't accept your presentation. Is it so dangerous and important for life?
But the anxiety before flying on an airplane is fully justified. The potential threat always exists. But in this case, nothing depends on you, so you just need to accept all possible options.
So, identify specific emotions and feelings, the cause of anxiety, its object. Determine the influence of external and internal factors, your participation in the situation.
What to do
No need to deny and repeat "I am calm." Accept, acknowledge the fact of nervous tension. After acceptance and analysis, proceed to active actions:
- Inhale and exhale. Popular, simple and really effective advice. relieve stress, restore blood flow and hormonal levels. Inhale deeply, hold your breath and exhale slowly. Concentrate on your breath. Body and mind are one. When you feel control over your breath, it will be easier to gain control over your thoughts. Try the five-three technique. Inhale for five counts, hold for three counts, exhale for five counts, and hold for three counts. So ten times. Breathe with your belly: inhale as you inflate, as you exhale, retract. Concentrate on the count and the movements of the abdomen, so you will be distracted from disturbing thoughts. Monitor your well-being. Respiratory techniques are prohibited for colds, respiratory diseases.
- Think pleasant. Remember the most delicious product that you ate, the most melodic music, the most beautiful picture the most tender hugs. Think back to a situation of success. They happen to anyone, it's just that people sometimes forget about it. Bring back your positive attitude and self-confidence.
- Nervous tension is. Calms the rise in blood glucose. To do this, eat something sweet or drink coffee. A quick surge of glucose will restore the energy and physical strength of the body, fill it with hormones of joy. You can’t systematically seize stress, but in some situations a chocolate bar is a medicine.
- Tapping your fingers on the table, walking from corner to corner, swaying on your toes are the body's subconscious attempts to calm down. But what if you come up with the same thing, but more conscious and useful? Find an interesting but monotonous activity: someone embroiders, someone solves crossword puzzles or washes dishes. Come up with your own ways for different occasions: at home, at work, on the street.
- The previous method is not suitable for everyone. If he didn’t help you, then try, on the contrary, to be active: push up, run, jump, wave your arms, stomp your feet, swear. At the moment of stress, internal resources are mobilized. There is an energy that needs to be released. Those languor that we experience - and there is unspent power. Release her. Under stress, physical forces are mobilized, thought processes fade into the background. Calm the body to bring back the mind.
- Control the mind through the body. Forbid yourself to fiddle with clothes, slouch, look under your feet. Straighten your back, speak loudly and confidently, look straight ahead, demonstrate confidence and calmness.
- Devalue the situation. Will it matter in a month, a year? Does it affect your health, success, well-being? But stress and anxiety have a huge impact on health. Recall something disturbing from the past right now. Does it matter now? If there had been a different outcome then, would that have significantly changed the current state of affairs? Were you able to clearly remember what you were worried about?
- Keep an anxiety diary. Describe your experiences and observe which of them came true. You will be surprised how much time and effort you spend on inventing. Better get busy, fantasy is useful there.
- Strengthen nervous system. What you need for this: healthy sleep, good nutrition, regular exercise, taking vitamins, hobbies, favorite work, meditation or yoga.
- Read D. Carnegie's book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
Make it a rule to draw your fears and worries. It is not necessary to have the relevant skills. Depict your fear (as it turns out), look at it, get to know each other, accept it. Now draw a funny hat or yourself next to it in the form of a knight. Perhaps your fear will take the form of a specific person. Or yourself. Why not?
Sometimes the causes of anxiety lie very deep, in childhood. Once rejected, a person is afraid of this all his life, and therefore often worries and worries. To eliminate, visit a psychotherapist, as in this case, advice on will not help.
Nervousness as a personality trait
Psychology knows many type qualifications. According to one of them (author Heymans - Le Senn), there is a nervous type. It is characterized by emotionality, low activity and primacy. Such a person:
- reacts violently to any little things, takes everything to heart;
- thinks long before acting;
- easily gives in to emotions, but just as quickly forgets about them (mood instability).
The nervous type lives on desires and impressions. He does not like boredom and monotony. If this is your case, then advice with monotonous actions will not work. On the contrary, it is necessary to find numerous sources of different emotions. The main trait that needs to be fought is suspiciousness.
The author of another classification, Karl Leonhard, singled out. He is characterized by uncertainty in his own actions, distrust of himself, suspiciousness, timidity, indecision, fear of mistakes, an overly expressed sense of responsibility, self-criticism.
The state of constant anxiety can exhaust anyone. Living under conditions of stress that you don’t know when it will end is steadily undermining your nervous system. But how to stop, how to stop reacting to these stimuli, how not to drive yourself into this abstract cage, so as not to find a way out of it later? We must immediately begin to unravel this tangle of misfortunes, only for this you need to understand what thread to pull so as not to get even more confused.
What to do to calm down and stop being nervous
The first thing that comes to mind is to take action. When you are inactive in response to the fact that something or someone is pressing on you, you feel that you are even more letting yourself be crushed, trampled, destroyed. When you do something, you already realize that you can also control the situation and even turn it in your direction after a while. But surprisingly, sometimes you just need to do nothing, at least outwardly. It all depends on the nature of stress and its cause. And let them think from the outside that the current situation has put you in a stupor, but in fact you just need time to carefully consider your further actions. Of course, it can be difficult to concentrate at a time when you are nervous, but there are a few simple tricks that will help you temporarily discard all worries. For example, you can put a notebook or just a sheet of paper in front of you, take a pen and start writing a plan on how to get out of an anxiety state. If there is no pen or paper at hand, then you can open any application on your smartphone that would allow you to write a list. It can be an electronic notepad, a text editor, or even just a calendar. The latter is preferable when you need to schedule a specific action for a specific date or hour. The same manipulations can be done on a tablet, laptop or home computer. But it’s better not to make plans on working computing equipment if you don’t want them to become property system administrator or some other of the employees - well, then everything depends on the talkativeness of this character. As the spies say: if you don't want outsiders to be privy to your plans, don't keep a diary under any circumstances! This also applies to social networks: it is there that you should not store the information that can be turned against you. If the reasons for your nervous state are serious enough, then the plan for getting out of it should be as secret as that of an intelligence agent. Another thing is when part of the planned actions will be laying out some information in the public domain. But this should be a thoughtful and balanced post, taking into account the reaction of various groups of subscribers and guests of your page to it. It all depends on the nature and scale stressful situation.When everything is annoying
The state when you are ready to flare up like a match does not arise overnight. This should be preceded by a series of some kind of failures or experienced stress, to which it simply was not possible to immediately react violently. Then all the negativity slips into the subconscious, making pernicious changes there, and now: a pretty friendly creature suddenly turns into a real fury. "Do not approach her!" - Colleagues or acquaintances will say about you. And if you have at least a little bit of a position of authority, then you will turn into a person from whom you cannot even beg snow in winter. And others will be unaware that you yourself feel bad at heart, so you always break down on your subordinates. But in order to break this vicious circle, you need to start with yourself, because everything around cannot suddenly become bad, unlike your mood. What do I need to do? Understand what was the catalyst for your resentment to the whole world. What exactly brought you into such a state of mind? Most likely, it was some kind of carelessly spoken word, an accidentally thrown remark, or some insignificant event, in the form of a torn buckle from your favorite shoe or a spot that does not wash off from a new blouse. In other words, it was the last straw that overflowed the cup of your patience. From that moment on, literally everything became infuriating. So, it is necessary to catch this last drop and analyze, but what happened before it? Maybe some more powerful stress that you seemed to have coped with, but there were understatements, unresolved questions and contradictions. That is, you agreed with the situation, but mentally you could not accept it, and change it too. There can be two ways out: either you change your attitude to what happened, or you return to this problem and solve it differently. The main thing is not that you come out a winner, but that you stop lying to yourself that everything is fine, everything is fine, although there is a sediment in your soul. Understand yourself and act! And in this you will find your peace.After the breakup
One of the most powerful stresses gives a break in the relationship of a loving or married couple. The only thing worse is death loved one, however, it was not in vain that it was sung in a popular song: “Parting is a small death”, because it seems that a person who refused to meet or life together with you, irretrievably lost. That is why many cannot quickly recover after the husband announced that he was leaving for another, or the guy said that he no longer likes you, and that he did not dream about someone like you at all. We do not realize that the construction love relationship is a strategic task dictated by the universe itself. And this task is the continuation of the human race. And we were created like this, capable of loving, only in order to keep the family as long as possible, in order to give the same love to the children who were born. And even if we just see one love that is endangered, then our subconscious mind sees in this the collapse of everything - procreation, the inability to find a foothold in life, etc. It's like the ground is slipping out from under your feet. That's why so strong heartache may accompany a breakup. And it is precisely this state of mind that makes it impossible to correctly assess the situation and analyze it from beginning to end. Surprisingly, not every breakup is permanent. Sometimes a person can change his mind and come back. As long as you are not connected with him by family ties, the guy believes that he has the right to choose the best for himself. For some, it's okay to spin in parallel with another girl to "make sure his original choice is still better"! Yes, these are the excuses friends often hear from a guy when they decide to shame him for his windy attitude towards his girlfriend. If this happens to a guy, then you need to gain composure, fold your hands with a pretzel and say: “Well, well, let's see what happens ...” If possible, say this not to yourself, but to him. If a young man sees your self-confidence, then he may well give in to her and no longer try to have an affair on the side. Even spouses who left the family return, not like guys. A husband who has run away to his mistress may suddenly realize that she is not so good as a wife, and will leave her. And where should he go, if not to his home. Especially if he had children there. To beg forgiveness from his wife - and it's done!Recover after a divorce
It happens that the situation with a love triangle leads to divorce. It is very difficult when the initiator of the separation is a man. This means that he goes to his mistress, and she becomes his legal wife. As a rule, such an act of a former and very loving wife causes great psychological trauma, and it can be incredibly difficult to pull yourself out of this state. Some ladies turn to psychologists or psychotherapists because they are unable to overcome the sadness that has fallen on them. However, in most cases, the initiators of divorces are women. It is the fair sex that can radically break off relations. And although in terms of earning big money and career building, men still succeed in our country, yet the weak half of humanity has some trump cards to feel more independent. On the one hand, a woman still stands at the stove after work, cleans her apartment on weekends, etc., but she does not need to look for someone who will do it for her. As she coped with the housework herself before, so she will continue to cope. Men's housework is episodic. A broken faucet or burnt-out wiring can be repaired by a specialist called to the house, and an employee or neighbor, or even guest workers from a neighboring construction site, can hang a cornice or shelf. That's why it's so much easier for a woman to announce that she no longer needs a husband: you can't buy her. delicious borscht or plushies. The men themselves often forget that the weaker half must be conquered constantly: take them to restaurants, buy perfumes, beautiful outfits, go on vacation together. Therefore, they are often surprised when their wives declare their readiness to divorce. Of course, the inertia of the husband is not yet a reason for divorce, but if, instead of compliments, a woman constantly hears her husband’s reproaches, and even worse, if he raises his hand against her, then this is already a good reason not to tolerate such a tyrant in the house. Groundless jealousy is also a common reason why a woman either really starts having affairs on the side, or breaks off relations with her husband, whose claims are no longer able to endure. But what is surprising is that many women, even after a divorce initiated by them, continue to follow their ex-husbands and even be jealous when they start an affair with another woman. It is quite difficult to explain such an extremely irrational approach to the situation from a logical point of view. Either vindictiveness or falsity of intentions during a divorce plays a role here. If you are vengeful, you will wish your ex that nothing worked out for him on the personal front, at least until things work out for you. If you are not vengeful, but simply jealous, then it turns out that you initiated a divorce in vain. You just had to give an ultimatum to your husband: either he stops acting out, or he leaves. But if you still love him, then you shouldn't break up with him completely. If you considered that he is the last moral freak who cannot be allowed close either to yourself or to children, then you should only be better off because he found another passion for himself. This is a complete guarantee that he will stop upholstering the thresholds of your house. But ex-husbands often do not let up and periodically visit "to check their property", and such visits are often extremely unpleasant. Divorce should be viewed as a path to a new, free life, where you can do whatever you want:- dedicate yourself to children; find another husband; go traveling without fear of becoming a victim of someone's delirium of jealousy; start your own business.
After a bereavement
The real reason for sadness is when someone you love dies. It's not just about the possible death of her husband. It is hard after the loss of a grandmother or grandfather, parents, beloved aunt, girlfriend. Any person who was in your environment and played a role in your destiny is always dear, and if death takes him, it is extremely difficult to recover from this. Locking yourself in a room, and at the same time in yourself, is not best way out. It is no coincidence that a funeral was invented, which gathers a lot of people who knew the deceased. It is no coincidence that these people gather at the wake. When there are those who can tell something about the untimely departed, somehow it becomes warmer in the soul, it seems that this person is still with us, he just left somewhere. On other days, you do not need to close yourself from the world, spend time in communication. If you are a believer, then you can pray, go to the confessor. If the church occupies a small place in your life, then just try to be with friends, acquaintances, and do some business more often. Sometimes it helps to read esoteric books, from which you can get much more information about the immortality of the soul than from what the official religion offers us. When you really believe that the departed person is now in heaven or that he will find a much more successful incarnation in a new body, it will be easier to survive the loss. Just do not let yourself be drawn into a sect: sectarians often use someone's grief to convert them to their faith.After experiencing stress or a strong quarrel
What caused the stress? If some person is to blame, on whom you don’t seem to be angry, then you will subconsciously consider yourself guilty. And you just need to call him to negotiations and make sure that he takes a share of the moral responsibility for the conflict. And this should not be revenge, but rather an educational process. After all, if you leave the offense of another person forgiven when he did not repent, then he will continue to do evil to others, without even thinking that he is wrong. As for you, without talking and without dotting the “E”, you will be disappointed in the world around you. Usually both sides are to blame in a conflict situation. Someone fanned the fire, someone did not want to listen, one after another - and they came to an insoluble contradiction. Sometimes you have to look for a person who can look at the situation from the outside, understand it and reconcile both sides. But at the same time, each must carry out a certain spiritual work in her mind in order to no longer allow such quarrels and not hold evil. Stress can also be the result of a road accident, an accident, a raging natural disaster. There is such a thing as "force majeure circumstances". If a flood has ruined all your property, this is a lot of stress. You can't get everything back. But on the other hand, you will have the opportunity to receive compensation and even reconsider something, arrange life differently. For example, generally move to more good place. After an accident, sometimes you can not restore your car. But you can be glad that he himself remained alive and relatively unharmed. Some people even receive irreparable injuries, but find a reason to enjoy life, and even the opportunity to return to their former profession. Let's remember the famous rock musician Rick Allen from the band Def Leppard. A young man lost in a car accident left hand However, this did not prevent him from pursuing a musical career. On percussion instruments, he plays mainly with his feet, with a few pedals, and, of course, right hand. The group performed all over the world and released albums, but this was preceded by a year when the rest of its members were waiting for the recovery of their friend after the accident. He had a point of support - friends. You probably have them too. And they will help in difficult times.
- "hugs"; dream; food; glass of water; bath or shower; exercise stress; communication with pets; needlework.
How to calm yourself down when you're really nervous
Nervous tension can also occur in anticipation of some events, and not after them. The unknown is scary, and when you realize that the outcome of an action depends not only on you, it can be difficult to control yourself and not panic. But a nervous state is a bad adviser, especially when you need to concentrate as much as possible. Before the exam You should always remember that you can retake the exam if you fail to pass immediately or if you are not satisfied with the grade. If you are well prepared, then you will worry less than if you do not know anything. If you have questions (tickets) for the exam, then divide their number by the number of days allotted for preparation in order to evenly distribute the load on the brain and nervous system. Regularity of actions will give you even more peace of mind. Before a job interview Here you need to remember that at any one company where you want to get a job, the light has not converged like a wedge. It is likely that it’s not you yourself who won’t fit, but the chosen one won’t fit for you. workplace. For greater self-confidence, you need to choose several companies at once, where you will go for an interview. Now not only you can choose, but you can do it too. Always be on horseback! Before important event in your life (wedding, child birth) Have you decided to get married so that you will soon have offspring? In addition to a positive attitude, this should not bring anything. A wedding is a holiday in general. So why get on your nerves? This was earlier, when sometimes the bride and groom only met at the wedding, and their parents decided everything for them, then there was a reason for great excitement. Today, few people dare to connect their whole lives with a stranger. Therefore, all the reasons for excitement by the time of the wedding celebration should be left behind. But preparing for the birth of a child is necessary not only physically, but also mentally. Being a mother is difficult, taking care of a baby when she herself has little strength is not easy. But at the same time, you need to know that caring for a baby is not a routine. After all, this is a living little man who still knows little, but already loves you. And you are his. Love overcomes all difficulties. It is childbirth that causes more concern, since this process is painful and does not always go smoothly. Sometimes pregnancy contributes to a nervous state, especially the first one. During pregnancy Poor health - alas, a frequent companion of a pregnant woman. The body works in an unusual mode for it, sometimes it even experiences overloads, but on the whole it copes with them. But how can a woman know how her next ailment will end? But now she is responsible not only for herself, but also for the unborn child, and therefore begins to panic. Fuel is added to the fire by doctors who scold the pregnant woman for extra pounds, without even looking at the medical card, where weight loss due to toxicosis was previously noted. They scold for high or low blood pressure, for falling hemoglobin, and sometimes they recommend eating something that is not affordable or simply never eaten by a woman due to individual intolerance or lifestyle. And you just need to remember that you can change the doctor, even if you are served under compulsory medical insurance. And yet - that pregnancy is considered one of the normal conditions of a woman. Need to read more useful literature in order not to pay attention to the unfounded claims of physicians. You need to be ready for everything, but only believe in the good. A man who has not yet been born, you need to love, talk to him. If this does not help, then you need to sign up for a yoga section for pregnant women or just go to special auto-training classes. Such schools for young mothers are often organized in family planning centers or antenatal clinics. And if you live in a village where all these establishments are far from, then just listen to the advice of older women who have already had to give birth, and maybe more than once. The unknown is frightening. Here, just when you know more, you sleep better. Before the operation Surgery is no less stressful for the body than childbirth. And sometimes even more. After childbirth, a woman's body produces endorphin, aptly named the hormone of happiness, as physiology dictates. It helps the whole body to recover well, but for the postoperative period, nothing of the kind is “provided for” by nature. Therefore, the production of the necessary hormones depends only on your mood. If you think that the operation will bring benefit, and its absence - harm or death, then you will agree to the surgical intervention with joy. Are you afraid of general anesthesia? Then you need to talk before the operation with the anesthesiologist, discuss what you are most afraid of:- allergies; not get out of anesthesia; that your mind will suffer.
How to deal with a panic attack without medication
First you need to understand what this newfangled term "panic attack" is. In some incomprehensible way, he went beyond medical diagnoses, and now everyone who is not lazy applies it to any fear or stress. Doctors understand a panic attack as systemic manifestations, both on the part of the psyche and in the form of organic lesions. A person with a panic attack can vomit, he begins to have a strong heartbeat, it becomes difficult to breathe, throws him into a fever, then into a cold. Of course, with such symptoms, you need to see a doctor. But less intense manifestations of panic, in which not all of these symptoms are observed, but perhaps only one, you can try to overcome yourself. If not the somatic, but the emotional component prevails, then you can try to recover on your own, without resorting to the help of outsiders in general, and not just doctors. Put aside everything for a moment and come to your senses If you have firmly decided that you need to recover on your own, then first of all leave the conflict zone. If you are thrown into a panic by the dressing of the director, then leave his office, you can go out into the courtyard or the nearest square, if it is not separated by a busy highway. After all, you must first stop being very nervous in order to adequately respond to dangers. If you are pissed off by a phone call, then stop talking and turn off the device altogether. If you were working at this moment, then put aside your affairs and get distracted by something more pleasant. Office workers are advised to switch to a computer game or browsing abstract websites. But for those who work in hazardous industries, it is better to say sick and go to the rest room to recover. Meditation or prayer to calm the soul It is much easier for a believer to come to his senses, because he feels the support of the Higher powers. Those who practice yoga or meditate also find it much easier to deal with emotions. Learning to meditate is not as difficult as it seems. Today there are many websites that provide instructions on how to start the meditation process. As for yoga, it scares some people away with the complexity of performing asanas. But breathing exercises are also yoga, and you can perform them even sitting on a chair, and not on the floor in the lotus position. You can also study the breathing according to the Buteyko system, which is excellent for gaining good health and peace of mind. Relax: drink water, coffee or eat chocolate Oddly enough, but coffee and chocolate, which are considered tonic foods, in this situation have a calming effect, because they give strength, and strength, in turn, gives confidence. If a person is confident in himself, then he realizes that he is about to find a way out of the situation. And when the action plan is in your pocket, then the panic passes by itself, giving way to swiftness and vigor. Accept the situation and look for a way out There are situations that cannot be changed. Take, for example, being fired from a job. On the one hand, this is the loss of a stable income, on the other hand, it is a great opportunity to go freelance or look for more attractive vacancies than the place from which you were asked. This is a chance to make new useful acquaintances in business area. Finally, this is a reason to take a break, especially if the management chronically did not let you go on vacation. The temporary absence of work gives us more freedom of action and unique opportunity change your profession if you have long wanted to do it. That is, you accept the situation with dismissal and are looking for a way out in the form of rest, getting a new specialty, going to school or even promotion, but in a new team and with different leadership. In the same way, divorce gives more freedom. You can understand that a coward, a lazy person, a tyrant has left you. And you have a huge field of activity. First, accept the situation and just take a break from the men in your life. Well, then - all the bachelors become your potential suitors, you just have to choose carefully ...How to learn not to worry and not to cry over trifles
Alas, often previously experienced severe stress makes us less receptive to trifles. But deliberately driving yourself into a stressful situation is extremely unreasonable. It is necessary to benefit from the stories of other people who in reality experienced almost apocalyptic events, coming out of them safe and sound. If there is no one among your acquaintances who survived a fire, a flood, or a serious car accident, or maybe got out of a foreign prison safely, then just read adventure literature, feel the fate of the main characters, and this should also help. You just need to at least mentally try to balance between life and death in order to understand how small grievances and pricks of fate are insignificant in order to waste your nerves on them.How to calm a guy (husband, friend) when he is nervous and feels bad
If a beloved man or just a friend got into a stressful situation, then he needs something different than we women. Representatives of the stronger sex are proud creatures, true leaders by nature. Even if the guy looks like - clean water nerd, then a true knight probably lives in his soul. So, the pity of such a person can simply humiliate, and not reassure. A man is not waiting for consolations, but for some action that could give him hope. If you don’t have not only plan A, but even plan B to get out of the situation, then you just need to make it clear to your friend or lover: “I’m with you!” Empathy and support work wonders. It is quite possible that the way out of an unenviable situation will not become so vague if not one person but two people think about it.
Every day a person is exposed to dozens of stressful situations: problems at work, troubles in personal life. Before an upcoming meeting or performance, dealing with nerves is even more difficult. A person sweats, his breath is confused, his speech is confused.
Each modern man must know the methods of quick relief
Calming the nerves is the primary task of the speaker. Simple techniques and introspection will allow a person to quickly calm down.
The nature of nervousness
The nervous system regulates the processes in the body. However, her strength is not enough to endure constant stress. Although at its core, nervousness is a normal reaction of the body to a potential threat or irritant - a situation that starts a chain reaction consisting of defense mechanisms.
An inadequate reaction or a distorted perception of reality leads to increased excitability. In this state, a person is not able to control the situation. Sensitive people with a fine mental organization, who give up their hands from the influx of difficulties, should firmly know how to calm their nerves.
Causes of Nervousness
There is no increased anxiety and stress without a reason - the reaction of the body depends on the human psyche. There are three main types of external causes for which a neurosis occurs:
- Physiological. Diseases of the internal organs contribute to spontaneous attacks of panic attacks. Violation of the thyroid gland, digestive organs and endocrine system leads to nervousness. For the female body, the cause of increased nervous excitability is the menstrual cycle.
- Psychological. Psychological reasons nervousness is associated with a constant load of the psyche: stress, overwork and chronic lack of sleep - common causes nervous tension.
- Reaction to a stimulus. External stimulus any phenomenon serves: sounds, smells, heavy life situation. The reason for neurosis is an atypical perception of what is happening, which does not cause discomfort to others.
The response to a stimulus is difficult to predict in advance. The opinion that you can calm yourself down through self-restraint and self-control is wrong. From the nerves, drug and physiological therapy is prescribed.
Determining the root cause of neurosis allows you to get a complete picture of what is happening: during the examination, internal pathologies or psychological traumas that could cause an inadequate reaction are determined.
Self-doubt, as a source of nerves, is overcome by psychoanalysis and behavior correction.
Defense mechanism or hindrance
Why do neuroses need to be treated? Phenomena such as increased excitability and aggression destroy a person's social ties. Relationships at work, in the family and circle of friends suffer from constant nerves. Attacks that cause hysteria are regarded as a dangerous psychosomatic symptom. After depression or stress, new problems enter a person’s life - mental disorders.
Both adults and children should be treated for nerves at home or with the help of specialists. The age of the patient is simply a factor, but not a determining factor. Especially important timely help during the period of personality formation, because increased nervousness entails changes in character.
Defense mechanisms are of an unconscious nature: increased nervousness occurs before realizing what is happening. A presentiment of failure is tantamount to failure itself - a person feels the situation distorted. At the subconscious level, trouble has already happened. To protect the psyche, the body produces a number of symptoms that signal danger. This is how defense mechanisms work. They are not dangerous if their root cause is justified - the person is at risk. Subjective causes, enhanced by stress and fatigue, trigger an enhanced defensive reaction.
Fatigue can increase nervousness
Symptoms of increased nervousness
Understanding how the defense mechanism works is not difficult: people tend to get excited before significant events and important events. A little shivering is a normal reaction. Nervousness is manifested by increased sweating, trembling in the arms and legs, and rapid heartbeat. Recognizing an anxious person is not difficult: it is difficult for him to concentrate and collect himself. Expressive personalities at such a moment begin to freak out, because they cannot cope with emotions.
Neurosis has the following symptoms:
- a decrease in the mental abilities of a person - a person is incapable of rational thinking;
- deterioration of physiological reactions: facial expressions, coordination of movement are disturbed;
- an increase in the level of fatigue - it does not get better at home; sleep is disturbed: heavy dreams and nightmares are seen that do not allow to sleep;
- an increase in anxiety: it does not go away before going to bed, and the next morning a person wakes up excited and tired;
- violation of the regime of the day and nutrition.
An anxious person transfers negative experiences to monotonous habits.
Cigarettes, alcohol, self-harm (self-harm) - all this is done to distract: the person focuses on one action. And the chosen occupation completely distracts from disturbing thoughts.
This really calms the nervous system, but only partially - alcohol and medications, interacting, increase the excitability of the central nervous system.
Ways to deal with anxiety
To calm the nerves at home, use safe folk recipes and proven methods. Tempering the body, exercises to strengthen the body and soothing teas will get rid of constant anxiety. How to stop being nervous for any reason: methods for treating adults and children:
- Dousing with cold water. Gradual hardening will calm the nerves at home without taking sedatives. A healthy body is characterized by increased resistance to stress and endurance.
- The use of a decoction of soothing herbs. Effective method, which allows you to quickly stop being nervous, includes taking tea or tincture. An infusion of birch leaves lowers the excitability of the nervous system: one hundred grams of crushed leaves are infused in two cups of boiling water for at least 6 hours, and then filtered. The infusion helps to quickly stop being nervous when taken regularly three times a day before meals.
- You can quickly calm your nerves using modern psychological methods(according to the prescription of a psychologist).
To calm shattered nerves will not work if you replace one irritant with another. Smoking, games, watching TV create the appearance of calm, because they simply suppress negative emotions without getting rid of them.
It is difficult for people with drug addiction to calm down on their own at home: addiction weakens the nervous system. How can you still calm your nerves? Use several methods of home treatment and prevention at once.
Birch leaves - natural sedative
Psychological techniques
The exercises you can use to calm yourself down are listed below. The main base is a change in the usual regimen, a change in physical activity and rest.
How to calm nerves at home:
- Relax the body. Exercises for the muscles of the face and lower back are well soothed: the forehead, eyes, and back relax. Loud sounds are made to improve blood supply. The more muscles around the mouth are involved, the easier it is to help yourself.
- Breath control helps a lot: the gymnast straightens the chest from the exercises. Proper abdominal breathing helps to cope with anger.
- Visualization. Emotional memory is the strongest defense against stress and neurosis. A person imagines future events, thinking them through the smallest details and stop worrying. Visualization is easy: you can create images at work, on public transport or at home. You need to use all your imagination to recreate a realistic picture.
- Emotional transfer helps to calm down before a performance or meeting: there is a binding positive emotions to what used to cause panic.
Self-control and self-regulation form the basis of effective psychological methods for calming the nerves: autogenic training and autosuggestion. The basis of autogenic training is muscle relaxation combined with self-hypnosis. The technique comes from hypnotherapy and is a means of self-education of the individual. Autosuggestion helps weak personalities.
With prolonged stress, a balance exercise helps, which prevents the destruction of the nervous system.
How to stop being nervous in children and teenagers? It is necessary to inspire yourself with a certain model of behavior: during the exercise, a person dictates to himself a set of qualities that need to be cultivated in himself; those reactions with which his inner world is combined.
An experienced psychologist will tell you how to calm your nerves - he will select the type of autosuggestion. At home, you can simply tune in the right way and try not to succumb to temporary fear.
Analysis of fears
The psyche is analyzed to eliminate seizures in the future: stress is the result, not the cause, of disturbances in the central nervous system. Dialogue with oneself will help relieve tension before and after a meeting or speech: a person’s communication with himself and his subconscious allows you to manage life. And it also relieves from lingering traumas, experienced unpleasant experiences. To relieve stress and nervousness will also help:
- psychoanalysis by a psychologist. after such a session, calming down is easy and simple;
- art therapy (expression of repressed emotions through drawing or clay modeling). This method reveals the real problem expressed by nervousness over trifles;
- a diary that will provide an opportunity to understand the essence of the problem.
A person must watch himself: know what makes him calm, and vice versa, unbalances him; be able to calm down quickly and without medication - choose an individual method that will help relieve stress; identify the stimulus.
Fears are repressed negative emotions. When a person is not in harmony with himself, stress increases. It is necessary to get rid of phobias and nervousness. With strong excitement, the calming of one's nerves has the symptoms of a neurosis. But this should stop a person on the path of fighting for his peace.
Keeping a diary will help you get to the root of the problem.
Relaxation day
To get out of tension means to understand the nature of excitement. Persistent problems, exhausting work and a disturbed daily routine entail serious consequences for the psyche: a person gets tired quickly, neither pills nor exercises calm him down. AT feeling unwell the wrong balance of work and rest is to blame.
It is not enough to think about the good. To calm down, you need to create special conditions: plan a vacation, put off the accumulated business and devote a whole day to relaxation. Relaxing baths soothe the body essential oils, walks in nature, a trip out of town and new hobbies. A simple rest can relieve stress and charge a person with vital energy.
You can make any day of the week a day of relaxation. No need to be attached to the date or schedule of others. A long-planned tour of interesting places cities, receiving guests, walking along the seashore.
The main thing is not to think at this time about global problems. An activity for the soul will relax the nervous system: going to the cinema or theater. You cannot force yourself to be calm if circumstances force you to defend yourself - all day you should listen to calm music and communicate with good people. The tension will go away when a person allows himself to think about pleasant things.
Walking in nature is great for stress relief.
Calming techniques for pregnant women
Hormonal changes during pregnancy cause increased stress, after childbirth everything returns to normal. A woman in position needs to adopt several exercises to calm her down, because drug treatment harms the fetus.
How to calm down and not be nervous for a pregnant woman: take daily walks on fresh air, more rest from routine affairs, perform light physical exercises. Staying locked up at home is the worst thing a mother-to-be can do. Calming exercises do not interfere with the development of the child: swimming, slow running and breathing exercises are useful for a pregnant woman. Sports and healthy lifestyle life soothe the nervous system.
Medical treatment
It is necessary to start treatment gradually so as not to injure the psyche. A course of sedative tablets is prescribed by a specialist. Self-medication will harm the individual: the individual will not be able to live in society due to aggressive, unstable behavior.
If tension is accompanied by a depressive state, a course of anti-depressants is prescribed. The role of sedatives is to reduce the level of anxiety.
Other medications may be needed to relieve additional symptoms. "Fluoxetine" allows you to cope with difficult thoughts. Drinking sleeping pills is recommended for patients with sleep disorders. Between doses of drugs should take a break. What allows you to quickly calm the nerves of people who have experienced prolonged stress? Take a course of tranquilizers. He is prescribed by a doctor. not excluded side effects from taking sedatives: drowsiness and lethargy that interfere with work and lead an active life.
"Fluoxetine" - a sedative drug
How to stop being nervous outside the home
How to stop being nervous over trifles? A question asked by sensitive people and individuals who deal with emotional stimuli on a daily basis. Tension is caused by memories of past mistakes - bad relationships with superiors, negative experiences will cause nervousness in the workplace. A person will again experience anxiety at school if the last exam ended in failure. Helps to cope with anxious thoughts:
- simple breathing exercises (just before an important meeting or exam);
- affirmations - daily work on negative thoughts;
- focusing on the main goal is an easy way to distract from external negativity;
- complex warm-up of the body - physical exercises that will dispel bad thoughts and relieve fears.
In order to calm down on your own, it is better to use A complex approach: Stress resistance increases due to daily work on your own thoughts and body. Without eliminating the root cause of neurosis, the only way out of the situation is to reduce tension.
emergency measures and sedatives are not the main treatment and are not able to prevent future panic attacks and jitters. Better get busy mental health before the onset of serious disorders.
Warm-up will drive away fears and reduce anxiety
Breathing exercises
The root of the problem is awareness of the upcoming event. A person is afraid of the unknown, spontaneity and an unknown outcome. The speaker (or organizer) begins to worry a few days before the meeting: the speed of the reaction depends on the individual characteristics of the psyche. On the eve of the speech, the speaker can drink alcohol or sedatives, thereby aggravating his condition - to slow down the reaction.
Breathing exercises will help you better understand how to calm your nerves without sedative medications or addictions, because breathing itself is a natural process in the human body. If it is interrupted - the person is afraid of something, it becomes more frequent - the individual experiences stress, slows down - the person has a problem with the heart.
How to calm down and stop being nervous:
- 1. Setting the rhythm of breathing. Adjusts to the internal processes in the body - each inhalation-exhalation corresponds to the pulse rate. The pulse is measured at the neck or wrist.
- 2. One breath is taken for every 4 beats of the pulse. Slowing down the breath will lead to weakening internal stress. Do the exercise should be no more than 10 minutes.
- 3. Breathing alternates with air retention. For every second beat, a person holds his breath, after, for the 4th beat, he exhales and returns to the previous rhythm.
- 4. The interval between breaths increases, and the breath holding lasts from 2 to 4 seconds. It is important in what position a person performs the exercise: a comfortable sitting and standing position. Lying exercises are not recommended.
In order not to worry, the rhythm is maintained for 10-20 minutes. After 2-3 minutes, the body adjusts to breathing and nervousness automatically decreases. During the exercise, a person is completely concentrated on the task - it is impossible to be distracted by conversations or other things.
The advice of psychologists relates to abdominal and shallow breathing: after holding the air, you should not take a deep breath. Jerks in breathing exercises will exacerbate the symptoms of nervousness.
Acupuncture for nerves
A quick way to reduce the activity of the central nervous system is acupuncture. An ancient method that allows you not to worry about future events is based on the location of important points on the human body. You can do massage at home.
Energy nodes are responsible for the main systems. The effect on the central nervous system will help to calm down properly. Acupuncture does not lead to lethargy and confusion - composure before the meeting will not suffer. The main calming points are:
- in the center at the bottom of the chin;
- between fingers (with back side palms);
- at the base of the index finger.
To calm down, you need to press on the indicated points for 2-3 minutes. Moderate pressure without excessive pressure will reduce the level of anxiety. For a man, more physical effort is needed: working with points takes from 3 to 5 minutes.
After acupuncture, you need to stretch your hands and conduct a light massage. The palms are gently massaged in a clockwise direction. During the exercise, you can turn on soothing music.
Acupuncture can help you gain strength
Nervousness before a performance
Psychologist's advice on how to quickly relax relate to the morale. If a person does not cope with disturbing thoughts, it will be difficult to calm the body. Vanity is a favorable environment for the development of neurosis.
The more organized the meeting and preparation for the event, the easier the emotional reaction will be.
If a person is frightened by the unknown, he needs to schedule a meeting in stages: the drawn up plan will help to avoid unpleasant surprises.
Peace of mind in a meeting
After breathing exercises, you can do a light warm-up - you should not strain and exhaust the body. Learn to simple exercises you can at home: you need to knead the neck, hands, forearms and feet. Clamped hands and feet give the appearance dangerous situation, a person is literally trying to take up less space in environment. For the same reason, you need to keep your back straight.
During the meeting, you need to control body language:
- Outward calm is expressed by relaxed hands: soft and flexible fingers hide nervousness. External self-confidence helps to relax. The body receives a signal to calm down and the level of anxiety decreases.
- Cyclic affirmations help to relax. For any reason and at any meeting, in order not to be nervous, a person repeats a consonant phrase to himself. It could be a slogan, an inspirational quote, or a self-address. The more often a person repeats an affirmation, the stronger it becomes.
- Control of facial expressions and gestures. A relaxed look and lack of nervousness is expressed in the way a person sits, conducts a dialogue. Hidden anxieties are expressed in body language. It is impossible to hide your worries without working on facial expressions and gestures. You can practice facial expressions at home in front of a mirror. Principle feedback works flawlessly - external confidence smoothly turns into inner peace.
Psychologist's advice finds its expression in two simple rules: no rush and no irritants. Before the meeting and directly during the acquaintance with new partners, exclude factors that can cause neurosis. The markers are removed from the speaker's field of vision.
Panic for any reason around an anxious person will harm the performance - it is necessary to create the most comfortable and relaxed atmosphere. The rule of an experienced psychologist “watch yourself” will allow you to concentrate on important issues.
How to calm down after a meeting
Working people are worried about how to calm their nerves without drugs after a difficult meeting. Nerves, as a result of emotional stress, are not easy to get rid of: jitters and panic attacks continue. To calm your nerves and relieve stress, you need to switch to an easier task, for example, go to the gym. Exhausting workouts or yoga classes will help calm the nerves. Spiritual practices will lead to enlightenment and getting rid of heavy thoughts.
A tea break helps to get rid of nerves when performing a complex financial transaction. A person needs to drink any warm drink, thinking about a future vacation or a recently watched movie - distraction will ease the pressure on the psyche. If an employee becomes angry, it is necessary to leave the office or workplace. A change of scenery will quickly free your head from work problems.
After work, the accumulated stress should be removed
situations from life
How can you calm your nerves at home? Preparing for stress is the absence of it in a really stressful situation. So, before the flight, it is recommended to review the travel plan again and do not think about it until the moment of passport control. Relaxing music will help you master yourself during takeoff.
From nerves at work in a large team, group games help. The psychologist's advice on this matter is simple: play Crocodile, or a road game.
Collective creative activity lowers stress levels. And field trips - The best way to strengthen relationships between colleagues.
Strengthening the nervous system
Psychology singles out the question "How to stop being nervous and start living" as important aspect mental health of the individual. Self-education techniques allow you to calm the nervous system. To stop succumbing to fear and aggression is the goal of a successful person.
How to safely calm your nerves at home? First of all, a person must pull himself together - the truth, whatever it may be, cannot change his goals. To stop being nervous is the same as to stop doubting yourself. Preventive actions will help to temper and calm the nervous system: they will eliminate the physical factor of anxiety. This can be done after deep psychoanalysis.
Bad habits do not help calm the central nervous system, but make a person even more nervous, so you need to get rid of them. A person should say to himself: "I can cleanse my life, I can change it." With a calm, measured step, a person moves away from haste and moves to a new level of development: to a world in which there is no need to be nervous. And forever opens up endless possibilities.
Periodic bursts of emotions happen in the life of every person. Unfortunately, few people manage to avoid conflicts at work or at home, and simply situations that unbalance. Unfortunately, such concepts as “anxiety”, “worry” and “stress” have long become an integral part of our lives. At the same time, we can experience a variety of emotions - anger, irritation, fear, strong excitement, bordering on panic. At such moments, we can only think about how to quickly calm down. And often, with all the desire, it is not possible to cope with their own emotions.
Meanwhile, there are a number of tricks on how to quickly calm down, which psychologists advise everyone to master. The ability to control emotions is essential modern world. Of course, we are not talking about chronic stress or depression, but in the event of a sudden surge of emotions, these measures are very effective.
The most common advice that experts give is to switch attention from the traumatic situation to your own breathing. For example, take a deep breath and count to ten. It is advisable to master the method of "calming breathing". In this case, you do not need to learn special techniques. Just control the breathing process, you can mentally say: "I take a breath, the air passes through the nose, enters the trachea, bronchi, lungs." And in reverse order: "I exhale carbon dioxide through the bronchi, trachea, nose."
How to quickly calm down in Often, with an emotional outburst, a person is overcome by strong excitement, while trembling in the hands may appear, and breathing becomes. There is an "express method" that allows you to cope with stress. Try to strongly press on the point of the so-called "ambulance", it is located above the upper lip, under the nose. It is enough to press it for 3 seconds. The massage of the anti-stress point located in the center of the chin also helps: 9 times clockwise and the same number - against. You can also knead each finger on your hands for 2-3 minutes.
Exists effective way how to quickly calm down, for those who often experience bouts of irritation. In such cases, grounding helps. As soon as you feel that you are annoyed, grab a metal handrail, a radiator, if you are indoors, put your hands under a stream of water. You can touch the trunk of a tree, stand on the lawn (though it is better to be barefoot). “Grounding” in this way takes 30 seconds. At the same time, take a sharp breath and a smooth slow exhalation. Mentally imagine how irritation goes into the ground and dissolves.
If circumstances allow, try to sit on a chair at a moment of nervous tension, relax and imagine a stream of water that pours on you. Take a deep breath in and out and visualize in detail how the water, starting at the top of your head, washes away all tension from you. Let the stream descend to the very feet. The exercise will take no more than 2 minutes, but the tension will noticeably decrease.
Tips for pregnant women
Pregnant women are known to be especially susceptible. Often you can hear from the expectant mother: "I can not calm down." Situations that a woman did not pay attention to before can literally cause a storm of emotions during pregnancy. At the same time, many accuse themselves of incontinence, worry about the child, who may be frightened of the emotions of the mother.
Many people know firsthand that it is difficult to control yourself at this time. Yes, and psychologists do not advise expectant mothers to be too zealous in the fight against their own emotions. It will lead to nothing but additional stress. Increased emotionality during pregnancy is normal. However, helping to calm down quickly is still necessary.
How to calm down during pregnancy? First of all, expectant mothers should also master the techniques outlined above. They will help to quickly relieve emotional stress. In addition, experts advise talking with the baby more often, explaining to him the reasons bad mood Mom, this will help both of you calm down. The main thing is to understand that it is impossible to completely protect the child from negative emotions, and the feeling of guilt you experience actually causes him no less anxiety than outbursts of emotions.
Well, in order to get irritated over trifles as little as possible, walk more in the fresh air, master relaxation techniques, devote a few minutes a day to meditation and auto-training, or do yoga for pregnant women.
Stress has become one of the components of our lives. We are afraid of the boss, we are angry with the neighbors, we argue with the sellers. Constant stress is depressing. A person sees only gray colors, he has health problems. How to calm down and not be nervous, you ask? Below I will list simple ways fight stress.
How to stay calm before an important event?
So, in a week, an important event should happen in your life. It could be an interview or a presentation of your work. Your future career will depend on how you perform. What to do if everything falls out of your hands, at night you can’t sleep and are constantly worried? The answer is simple: it is unlikely that you will take the position that you so dream about.
If you still want to succeed, stop being afraid. You must understand that you yourself can destroy your dream. Don't be dramatic. Do some breathing exercises. During the exercise, thoughts should only be about breathing. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.
Go for a walk before bed. During the walk, also try not to think about the upcoming meeting. Turn on your favorite music and enjoy.
Night sleep should be at least 7 hours. Don't eat at night.
To keep the body in excellent shape, you can take multivitamin complexes. They will help boost your immune system and strengthen your nervous system.
How to behave during an important event?
So, the long-awaited hour has come. Your future will soon be decided. You must remember that experiences are superfluous. Start your morning with a contrast shower, exercise and a delicious breakfast. All these procedures will cheer you up and set you in a positive way.
Set a few alarms in the evening so you don't oversleep. Leave the house early: it is better to wait for the start than to be late for it.
Feel confident when you enter the office. People around you will notice this and treat you differently. The back should be straight, the voice well delivered. Watch your gestures, facial expressions and intonation. Do not wave your arms too much, laugh for no reason or raise your voice. Speak calmly and be calm.
Be sure to bring water with you. You may need it during the performance. Feel free to pause for a few seconds and take a sip of water. This will help calm the nervous system and refresh you.
Do not rush to answer the question quickly. Scroll it over in your head again, and then give an exact and clear answer.
More than half of our fears are taken from nowhere. That is, we ourselves invented them, believed in them and began to be afraid. According to statistics, women have more such fears. They invent various fables for themselves and willingly believe in them. Take life easier and remember that everything depends only on us!
Inga, St. Petersburg
Psychologist's comment:
The worldview of a psychologist is quite different from the philistine. Psychologists are taught not only to hear the content, but also to feel the unconscious process.
This is a very useful skill, it helps to perceive the world much more widely and not to get into trouble. Now I will try to explain with examples.
Example #1.
If a guy invites a girl to a movie, then in 90% of cases this is not at all what he has in mind. And if we honestly voiced the invisible unconscious process, then the phrase would sound something like this:
Let's go to the cinema and then have sex?
(The top phrase is what the words say, and the phrase below the line is the subtext, the true meaning of this phrase)
Let's go to the cinema?
———————————————————————————
I like you! Let's go to the movies and then have sex?
It’s bad if a girl is not trained to perceive this process, because if she goes to the cinema, then most likely the couple will part, dissatisfied with each other and the evening spent. 90% of girls are well aware that when they agree to "go to the cinema", they agree not only with watching the movie, but give hope for the further development of relations.
And they don’t go to the cinema with those with whom they are not going to deepen communication. Or they stipulate in advance that it will be “only a movie”.
Let's go to!
———————————————————————————
I like you too. First, let's go to the cinema, and then we'll see.
Example #2.
When a gopnik on the street says: “Hey, kid, come here, you need to talk,” he doesn’t need to talk, but to take away the money from the kid. If the kid really believes that he is only called to “talk”, he is not ready for the realities of life and will be dissatisfied with what happens next. It's good and right to teach guys that "talk" in some situations means a completely different thing.
I want to talk to you
———————————————————————————
I want to take your money
I gave the simplest examples. They are obvious to an adult, but not to a teenager. As we grow older, we gain experience, and those processes that we did not recognize in youth seem obvious to us in adulthood. And then we say to ourselves: how much I did not understand before!
Our life is permeated with such processes that we do not voice. Psychologists say that we convey 7% of information in words, and the rest is in what we do not voice. Let's look at this article from the point of view of a psychologist and see what new understanding will open up to us.
In this article, the feeling of fear and irritation is perceived as something harmful and interfering. No doubt, these feelings are very unpleasant and even painful. But my deep conviction is that their pain comes from the fact that we do not know how to handle them. We simply do not know how to deal with our fear and irritability.
Psychologists do not perceive feelings as enemies: we believe that any feeling is necessary and necessary because it has a useful purpose. Useful for us.
Fear and anxiety
A useful purpose of fear and anxiety is to warn of danger. Fear is necessary for us to recognize the danger and take action. He will be with us until the danger passes or until we learn how to take measures to prevent this danger.
Fear pushes us forward, makes us react, and not sit back. And in this sense, it is very useful. Our task is to consult with him, not to get rid of him.
Another thing is that fear should not paralyze us, it should not control us, as in the example:
In a week, an important event should happen in your life. It could be an interview or a presentation of your work. Your future career will depend on how you perform. What to do if everything falls out of your hands, at night you can’t sleep and are constantly worried? The answer is simple - it is unlikely that you will take the position you so dream of. If you still want to succeed, stop being afraid. You must understand that you yourself can destroy your dream.
In this position, to advise to stop being afraid is the same as to advise a mouse to become a hedgehog so that the fox does not eat it. Unfortunately, such advice does not work, because it is not feasible. We can't take it like that and stop feeling. Such recommendations were ingeniously played up in the popular video "Stopit!" ("Stop it!"):
I repeat, fear will be with a person until he realizes what the danger is and takes action.
To take this example, how can action be taken? First you need to understand that part of the anxiety (healthy part = rational fear) is caused by an important event in a week, and most (irrational fear = neurotic fear) is the result of some internal process and does not apply to the present.
For example, this person has been afraid of disappointing his mother since childhood, or he was punished for deuces at school. That is, 99% of the fear of an interview refers to childhood, to an invisible process inside, and not to an interview at all. Childhood has passed, but fear has remained, and by inertia affects a person’s life:
I'm afraid of an interview
———————————————————————————
I'm afraid to disappoint my mother
And such a person will not be able to “stop being afraid”, no matter how they convince him. He understands everything, but he cannot, because the fear of his mother (dad, teacher) still sits in his head. If people could do this, then the psychologist would say at the consultation:
- Stop that! Stop being afraid now! Don't you realize that your career depends on this job interview!? Get up and sleep right now!
Thank God psychologists don't work like that.))
There are several hundred directions in psychology. And they have different ways dealing with fears. However, most of them have one thing in common: they work not only with content, but also with unconscious process.
One option is for the psychologist to help the client become aware of this process and take action - there, in the unconscious. Then half of the fears that the client has in life resolve themselves.
Irritation and anger
Irritation and anger signal us about obstacles. And they will be with us until the obstacle is overcome, until it prevents us from achieving our goals.
Let's take this advice:
Write a letter. When a lot of problems have piled up, nerves are at the limit. Take a pen and a sheet of paper. Write down everything that you don't like and that makes you uncomfortable. After that, the letter can be torn into small pieces or simply burned. Looking at the flame, believe that all problems are burning up like this sheet of paper.
If you have ever tried to use it, then you know that problems do not fly away from this. Only the person himself flies away - we are distracted, and for some time we can disconnect from problems. And when we return, all the problems pile up again. And so, the irritation reappears.
The psychologist notices not only the stated problem - irritation, but also the unconscious process (which is easy to realize) - "I can't cope."
I'm annoyed that problems have piled up
———————————————————————————
I accumulate problems and do not know how to solve them in time
For a psychologist, the essence of the problem will not be to remove irritation, but to understand what the client is doing to make problems accumulate? The psychologist will perceive irritation as a signal, a symptom, and the reason lies a little deeper. The psychologist will perceive the client’s request to “remove irritation” in the same way as the dentist will perceive the patient’s request to relieve a toothache.
The dentist, of course, will relieve pain, but not at the expense of painkillers, but by removing the pathological process. Likewise, a psychologist, of course, will help with irritability, but not due to the fact that anger and problems will burn out in a candle flame, but due to the fact that it will help remove the cause of irritability.
- Let's make a plan to solve your problems and see how quickly you can solve them.
- Let's see which problem irritates the most and how to solve it as soon as possible.
- Let's see how you accumulate problems and what prevents you from solving them on time.
Learn how you are!
As in the story with the dentist, the patient cannot fill his own tooth, so in the story with the psychologist, the client usually cannot figure out the causes of irritability himself. Indeed, we know more about how to fill a tooth than about where feelings come from.
The average person spends more time learning how to use a computer than learning how to use their own head. Therefore, ideas about the work of the psyche in our society are very naive. This means that the decisions made about how to deal with problems are also very naive.
The psychological worldview is fascinating and very useful thing. This approach allows you to see the problem deeper - in its entirety. Do not be deceived by the size of the tip of the iceberg, but feel what is really happening. Then our decisions become deep and wise, even if they concern such simple things as fears and irritability.
Alexander Musikhin, counseling psychologist, psychotherapist, trainer, writer