Psychological violence: essence, causes, consequences. What is psychological violence in the family and how to deal with it

Psychological violence in the family is a phrase that can often be heard on TV screens or seen on the pages of newspapers. Violence is considered to be aggressive behavior, physical harm, regular beatings from a father or brother, and the like.

But this is not the only type of violence that many people experience. Psychological violence is a form of violence in which the aggressor influences the victim’s psyche through insults, humiliation, neglect, coercion to perform certain actions, or ridicule.

A huge number of people face such psychological attacks and are harmed by them. What is psychological violence, and how to protect yourself from it? What remedies can applied psychology recommend?

Psychological violence consists mainly of influencing the psyche of a certain person in order to further break his willpower in making decisions, establish control over his actions, or deprive him of his own views and interests.

Recognizing psychological violence is not easy, since it does not have specific physical consequences, which can be presented to the police or in court. It often happens that emotional aggression is an addition to other types of violence, but sometimes it exists in isolation or is expressed in a sophisticated, hidden form.

What symptoms does the victim experience?

If at least one of the family members experiences conditions characteristic of victims of psychological violence, the atmosphere can no longer be called healthy. Signs of psychological violence that most victims experience:

1. Fear or anxiety that often seems unfounded.
2. Feelings of powerlessness, impasse and confusion, hopelessness.
3. Feelings of guilt and shame, feelings of worthlessness and inferiority.

These symptoms are especially pronounced in those who have experienced violence in childhood and adolescence. Even after contact with the aggressor has ceased, the person still deals with the consequences of psychological violence and experiences unpleasant states.

Roots and background of the problem

On empty space, of course, nothing arises. As a rule, a person who becomes an aggressor also has deep emotional trauma.

The emotional pressure experienced in the family where he grew up, or physical violence from relatives or loved ones, can devour a person from the inside for years, forming in his mind resentment, cruelty and a desire for revenge. Such a child grows up with a complex and embittered towards the whole world, which subsequently leads to pathologies in relationships.

Already in adulthood, having gained power over another person, for example, his spouse or child, the aggressor understands that he can take revenge for his childhood traumas.

All the accumulated negativity begins to come out, which leads to the emergence of psychological violence in the family. Often a person does not understand the damage he causes to other people or understands, but is not fully able to control himself in moments of rage, when ridiculed or rejected.

Many aggressors report feeling pangs of conscience, but cannot stop taunting, shouting, ignoring, or insulting the victim.

There are those who are not aware of the reasons for their behavior, there are also those who suspect that something is wrong with them.

In all cases, the aggressors have a greater or lesser degree of sadistic pleasure from their actions. Dominating family members becomes a way to relieve one’s own anxiety, gain evil joy, relieve stress, or have fun.

Forms of psychological influence

Types of psychological violence can be divided into two groups: direct suppression and manipulation (hidden aggression).

Direct coercion

This form of psychological influence includes orders in the style of “Do it because I told you!”, violent coercion, gross blackmail, for example, “either you do this, or I will hit you!”

Aggressors are not always aware of what exactly they are doing and why; only some of them cause damage deliberately. At the same time, they do not take into account the interests and desires of the victim, or use them as a tool for manipulation. Such people are distinguished by the desire to command, dispose, indicate, and suppress the will to resist.

Manipulation

This is a form of psychological violence in which the aggressor encourages the victim to commit certain actions, but not through direct coercion, but through indirect actions.

What methods does the manipulator use:

1. Lies in any form, from fiction to distortion or concealment of facts. A lie is needed so that the victim receives false information and is forced to act on the basis of this information in the way that the aggressor needs.
2. Certain behavior. For example, some pretend to be sick so that the victim will take care of them, and some pretend to be angry so that the victim becomes afraid and becomes obedient. At the same time, manipulation differs from ordinary actions in that the aggressor does not directly communicate his goals and motives, but with the help of various tricks leads to the necessary actions.

Often the manipulator fakes feelings to get something, but does not actually experience them. Moreover, the symptoms felt by the victim fully correspond to the picture of psychological violence.

The instrument of manipulation is often the victim's feelings, for example, feelings of jealousy, anger or resentment, a feeling of inferiority or fear.

By artificially inducing these states, the manipulator achieves his own goals, but does not care that this harms another person.

How does psychological violence manifest itself in relationships?

According to statistics, every fourth woman becomes a victim of domestic violence. The most common type of violence in relationships is sexual, in which the man acts as a torturer, forcing the woman to have sex against her will.

Two types of violence are used here, both physical and psychological.

Often a woman is forced to enter into intimate relationships because her husband threatens to cheat, provokes jealousy, or is offended. There is a category of men who destroy women’s self-esteem and then force them to fulfill their marital duty.

There are obvious signs violence in relationships that every woman should pay attention to:

• insults and humiliation;
• isolation from friends and loved ones;
• punishment for time spent away from home;
• blame for all problems;
• excessive jealousy;
• instilling fear and guilt;
• use of physical force.

Often psychological violence in relationships is combined with alcohol or drug abuse. Unfortunately, many women are forced to endure such treatment all their lives, because they do not see a way out of the current situation for a number of reasons:

• dependence on a man in material terms;
• lack of own housing;
• low self-esteem and indecisiveness;
• fear of loneliness;
• reluctance to leave children without a father.

It is important to emphasize that children in families where one parent suppresses and humiliates the other suffer colossal damage to their psyche. You don't have to put up with this! There is a way out even from the most difficult situations.

If you have become a victim of domestic violence and do not see a way out of the current situation, be sure to visit a psychologist or contact a crisis center.

Psychological abuse of children

The issue of physical or psychological violence against a child is very acute. If even an adult is often unable to defend his rights and repel an aggressor, then a child is even more unable to defend himself.

Parents, who initially have power over their children, for various reasons begin to suppress his personality. In their desire for complete control, they deprive children of the opportunity to make independent decisions, limit freedom, ignore needs and feelings, and make excessive demands.

The range of harmful actions of a parent is individual in each case, some have more control appearance a child, some - actions, and some - studies or hobbies. A sadist can turn a child’s life into a real hell, from which it is difficult for the child to get out.

Psychological violence against children is provoked by the following problems of parents:

1. Feeling of one's own inferiority. It manifests itself as a desire to latently or explicitly assert oneself at the expense of the child, to humiliate him, to devalue his achievements. At the same time, the aggressor feels satisfaction from other people's tears, from a spoiled mood or from a scandal.
2. Feeling of fear. It manifests itself as excessive care, supposedly for the good. Both fathers and mothers abuse this. For normal development, a child needs a certain autonomy; the number of independent actions and decisions increases with age. And not every parent is ready to give their child the opportunity to develop safely. Children often compensate for their own anxiety at the expense of children, using control as a way to calm down.
3. Sadistic tendencies. All aggressors have sadistic traits to one degree or another, but there is a category of people who feel an urgent need to suppress another person. Usually this disorder is combined with low self-esteem and anxiety.

Many parents do not notice that they have a depressing effect on the psyche of their children, or they believe that this process is necessary for educational purposes.

Most aggressors do not turn to a family psychologist because they do not see a problem in their behavior, and the damage to other people is of little interest to them. Fortunately, there are families where at least one of the two parents has enough common sense to change something.

Psychological violence against children at school

Psychological violence in school is very common. In almost every class there is always a loser on whom the whole class wins back. The facts of emotional pressure in schools are not hidden, they talk about it a lot, but the situation in better side doesn't change.

The reluctance of teachers and parents to instill in children from birth a sense of humanism, tolerance, and respect for people with disabilities has a negative impact on education and perception of the world. They grow up cruel, embittered, with a desire to assert themselves at the expense of everyone who is weaker.

To reduce and minimize psychological violence in schools, a psychologist must work with children, as well as teachers, who often ignore the essence and scale of the problem or are themselves aggressors.

Facts of psychological violence, ridicule or bullying by teachers or classmates must be reported school psychologist. If a child complains about a biased attitude on the part of a teacher, you should support him and help him find a way out of the situation, and not say: “The teacher is always right.”

How to protect yourself from psychological violence?

Protection from psychological violence and safety are an important component for a person’s emotional health. To fight back against the aggressor, the victim of psychological violence must not only know the methods of dealing with it, but also, first of all, find the strength and courage to implement it.

A step-by-step plan to start leaving the zone of violence:

1. Analyze the situation. The most important thing is to admit that there is a problem and there is no need to run away from it. Many people have been in unhealthy relationships for so long that they find it difficult to imagine any other experience.
2. Tell relatives or friends. You should not try to survive the violence alone; relatives should be aware of the current situation.
3. Contact specialists. There is no need to be shy or afraid to seek the help of professionals. There are hotlines you can call free and anonymously to tell a counselor what's going on. In addition, there are free psychological help services where anyone can consult a psychologist about their problem.

Domestic violence in the family is not the norm! In most cases, the victim is unable to defend himself or is dependent on the aggressor, and does not see the strength or courage to change the situation.

Push to decisive action may be concern for the happiness of your child, fear of death, or a sufficient amount of damage received. Unfortunately, large number people die before anything can be done.

If among your acquaintances, relatives or friends, there is a person who has experienced psychological violence or is currently suffering from an aggressor, then you can tell him about the options for free (and paid) help from a psychologist.

1.3. Violence: types and forms

It is obvious that individual victimization, or the “victim complex,” is always realized in a situation that turns out to be sufficient for this. Such situations place demands on people that exceed their adaptive potential and are described in various terms: life difficulties, critical situations, negative life events, stressful life events, traumatic events, unwanted events, life crises, economic deprivation, disasters, catastrophes. Each of these situations poses either a challenge or a threat to human life, or even causes irreparable losses (McCrae, 1984).

As discussed in the introduction, this handbook addresses a limited set of critical situations in which a person may exhibit victim behavior. This:

1. various types of criminal offenses (attempted murder and grievous bodily harm, hooliganism, theft, fraud, extortion), as well as terrorist acts, primarily hostage-taking;

2. various types of violence (domestic, school, mobbing) and rape;

3. various types of addictive behavior (alcoholism, drug addiction, computer and gaming addiction, participation in destructive cults).

In this handbook, we do not consider situations where a person becomes a victim of an accident or domestic injury, although such a framework is due solely to the limited scope of the handbook. Issues of addictive behavior as a manifestation of the victim’s “complex” are also considered within the framework of the individual’s collision with various kinds of external and internal crises, or critical situations.

When the term “victim” is used, it very often, if not always, means violence against that victim. Let's consider the main classifications of types and forms of violence.

In its most general form, violence is defined as forceful influence on someone. The most common classification of types of violence is based on the nature of violent actions. It includes: physical, sexual, psychological (emotional), economic, etc. violence (Alekseeva, 2000).

Physical violence is pushing, slapping, punching, kicking, using heavy objects, weapons, and others. external influences which lead to pain and injury. Such acts (insult by action), according to the Criminal Code Russian Federation, are classified as a crime.

Psychological (emotional) violence is threats, rudeness, bullying, verbal abuse and any other behavior that causes a negative emotional reaction and heartache. Emotional abuse is much more difficult to identify. Although they do not leave bruises on the body, they can be much more destructive and, coupled with other types of influences, including physical ones, are more damaging to the psyche.

Sexual violence is a type of harassment expressed in the form of forced sexual touching, sexual humiliation, and coercion into sex and sexual acts (including rape and incest) against the will of the victim.

Domestic violence, or family violence, includes physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. It applies not only to married couples, but also to cohabitants, lovers, ex-spouses, parents and children. It is not limited to heterosexual relationships.

Economic violence in the family, such as the sole distribution of family budget funds by the dominant family member and strict control over the spending of money on his part, is one of the forms of expression of emotional pressure and insult.

Thus, violence is a form of manifestation of mental and/or physical coercion in relation to one of the interacting parties, which forces this party to do something contrary to its will, desires, and needs. A party in this case can be understood as an individual or a group of people (Khristenko, 2004).

The concepts of “violence” and “violent crime” in legal and psychological practice do not match. Foreign experts have come to the conclusion that the concept of “violence” towards a person is very broad, and in addition to those actions covered by the Criminal Code, it also includes the following actions:

Coercion or encouragement to perform actions or actions that a person does not want to do;

Involving a person in an activity through deception, blackmail, manipulation, threats of physical harm or material damage, preventing the person from doing what he wants to do;

Abuse of power, with power viewed broadly as the power of age (for example, an adult over children), the power of strength, the power of popularity, the power of gender (for example, the power of a man over a woman), and other types of power.

The phenomenon of domestic violence is quite widespread (Osipova, 2005).

Based on a survey of the population in the United States (a similar study was conducted in a number of European countries with the same results), the severity coefficients of various crimes were determined (Table 1.1). As can be seen from the table, the most significant for people is sexual violence, which ranks second in severity after the death of the victim (Khristenko, 2005).

Table 1.1.

Signs of crimes and crime severity coefficients according to the Sellin-Wolfgang index.

Violence can be individual or collective in nature and is always aimed at causing physical, psychological, moral or other harm to someone.

Violence is divided into levels:

The level of the entire society, country;

Level of individual social groups;

Small social group level;

Individual level.

Number of victims per different levels various. The most dangerous level, as noted by various authors (Antonyan), is the vertical manifestation of violence, i.e. at the state level. In this case, any person, even one occupying a high social position, becomes a potential victim.

As noted, in this handbook we focus primarily on violence at the individual level.

By nature, violence can be divided into:

Explicit (open display of violence);

Hidden (violence, veiled in various ways), often achieved through financial influence (deprivation of the subject of material assistance, appropriations, etc.).

Almost any violence has the form of psychological violence, including physical violence - the fear of getting even more damage than you already have. Physical violence can be seen as an extension of psychological violence. The exception is unexpected physical violence: unexpected attack, death, damage to any organs that makes resistance impossible.

Thus, in modern psychology, the concept of “violence” includes any act, the main goal of which is to control the behavior of a partner, imposing one’s will on him without taking into account his own interests, desires, feelings, etc. Violence is any method of behavior (simple or complex, verbal or non-verbal), used to control the thoughts, feelings and actions of another, against his wishes, will or beliefs, but with psychological (and often material) benefit for the rapist.

Despite the fact that the term “violence” is used very widely, there is some ambiguity in the interpretation of the semantic content of this concept. For example, in jurisprudence, violence is the use by a certain class or other social group of various forms of coercion in order to acquire or maintain economic or political dominance, or gain certain privileges.

Very often the term “violence” is replaced by the term “aggression”. However, although these terms have similar semantic content, they are not completely identical (Khristenko, 2004). The term “aggression” is usually used to describe any active, attacking, destructive actions. The term “violence” is used very widely, often as a synonym for aggression, although it has a slightly different interpretation.

Aggression- these are intentional actions aimed at causing harm to another person, group of people or animal; aggressiveness is a personality trait expressed in readiness for aggression (Rean, 1999).

Aggression is any form of behavior aimed at insulting or harming another living being that does not want such treatment (Baron and Richardson, 1999). This definition includes two different types aggression. Both of them are characteristic of animals: this is social aggression, which is characterized by demonstrative outbursts of rage, and silent aggression, similar to that shown by a predator when creeping up on its prey. Social aggression and silent aggression are associated with the functioning of different parts of the brain (Myers, 1998).

There are two types of aggression in humans: hostile aggression and instrumental aggression. The source of hostile aggression is anger. Its only purpose is to cause harm. In the case of instrumental aggression, causing harm is not an end in itself, but a means to achieve some other positive goal.

Zillmann ( Zillmann, 1979) replaced the terms “hostile” and “instrumental” with “stimulus-driven” and “impulse-driven.” Stimulus-driven aggression refers to actions that are taken primarily to eliminate an unpleasant situation or reduce its harmful influence. Motive driven aggression refers to actions that are taken primarily to achieve various external benefits.

Dodge and Coy ( Dodge, Coie, 1987) proposed using the terms “reactive aggression” and “proactive aggression.” Reactive aggression involves retaliation in response to a perceived threat. Proactive aggression, like instrumental aggression, generates behavior (for example, coercion, influence, intimidation) aimed at obtaining a certain positive result.

Freud (Myers, 1998) believed that the source of human aggression is the individual’s transference of the energy of the primitive death drive (which he called the “death instinct”) from himself to external objects. Lorenz, who studied animal behavior, viewed aggression as adaptive rather than self-destructive behavior. But both scientists are unanimous that aggressive energy is of an instinctive nature. In their opinion, if it does not find a discharge, it accumulates until it explodes or until a suitable stimulus releases it. Lorenz also believed that we do not have innate mechanisms for inhibiting aggression, since they would make us defenseless.

Criticism of all evolutionary theories of aggression is based on the following arguments:

No genes have been found that are directly associated with aggressive behavior;

All arguments are based on observations of animal behavior;

The very logic of reasoning about the manifestations of adaptability of any behavior raises doubts.

However, although people's tendency towards aggression does not necessarily qualify as an instinct, aggression is still biologically determined. Scientists have discovered areas in both animals and humans nervous system responsible for the manifestation of aggression. When these brain structures are activated, hostility increases; deactivating them leads to a decrease in hostility. Also, temperament - how receptive and reactive we are - is given to us from birth and depends on the reactivity of the sympathetic nervous system. Chemical composition blood is another factor influencing the sensitivity of the nervous system to stimulation of aggression. Those who are intoxicated are much easier to provoke into aggressive behavior. Aggression is also influenced by the male sex hormone testosterone.

Drive theories suggest that the source of aggression is primarily an externally triggered urge, or urge, to harm others. The most widespread among the theories of this direction is the theory of frustration-aggression, proposed several decades ago by Dollard and his colleagues (Baron, Richardson, 1999). Existing theory The frustration-aggression dimension is intended to explain hostile rather than instrumental aggression. According to this theory, an individual who has experienced frustration (i.e., blocking of goal-directed behavior) experiences an urge to aggression. In some cases, an aggressive impulse encounters some external obstacles or is suppressed by fear of punishment. However, even in this case, the incentive remains and can lead to aggressive actions, although they will not be aimed at the true frustrator, but at other objects in relation to which aggressive actions can be carried out unhindered and with impunity, i.e. in this case it can displaced aggression appears.

Cognitive models of aggression examine the processes (emotional and cognitive) that underlie this type of behavior. According to theories of this direction, the nature of a person’s comprehension and interpretation of someone’s actions, for example, as threatening or provocative, has a decisive influence on his feelings and behavior. In turn, the degree of emotional arousal or negative affect experienced by a person influences the cognitive processes of assessing threatening danger. Each person has stable patterns of aggression, that is, sorting principles. These are zones of meaning. To sort the environment, a person uses the Self-concept: only with the help of the latter does a signal from the outside world cause a resonance of the so-called “strings of the soul.”

And the last theoretical direction considers aggression primarily as a social phenomenon, namely, as a form of behavior learned in the process of social learning. According to social learning theories, a deep understanding of aggression can only be achieved by assessing:

1. how the aggressive behavior model was learned;

2. what factors provoke its manifestation;

3. what conditions contribute to the consolidation of this model.

Aggressive reactions are learned and maintained through direct participation in situations of aggression, as well as passive observation. If aggression is an instinct or impulse, this means that a person’s behavior is driven by internal forces or external stimuli (for example, frustration). Social learning theories argue that aggression appears only in appropriate social conditions.

The whole variety of forms of aggression can also be divided into heteroaggression (directed towards others) and auto-aggression (directed towards oneself). In turn, both hetero- and auto-aggression are divided into direct and indirect forms. Direct heteroaggression is murder, rape, battery, etc.; indirect heteroaggression - threats, imitation of murder, insult, profanity, etc. The extreme manifestation of direct auto-aggression is suicide. The category of indirect auto-aggression should include all psychosomatic diseases, diseases of adaptation, all nonspecific diseases of internal organs with smooth muscles and autonomic innervation.

In turn, violence, as well as aggression:

Is primarily an action, not a desire to act;

Makes any changes to the structure of the application object beyond its wishes.

Violent actions always have an internal meaning, they are committed to achieve some goal, which is not always realized by others and even by the rapist himself.

Thus, in some cases, when the purpose of violence was to cause harm, the concepts of “aggression” and “violence” are identical and their use as synonyms is legitimate.

As already mentioned, aggression and violence can be physical and psychological in nature.

It is believed that the main methods of psychological violence are most often:

Isolation (informational and even physical deprivation; deprivation of information or strict control over it);

Discrediting (deprivation of the right to one’s own understanding and opinion; ridicule and unconstructive criticism);

Monopolization of perception (forced fixation of attention on the aggressor, since he is the main source of threats);

Strengthening trivial requirements (many small rules that are impossible not to break; therefore, there are constant reasons for nagging, which causes a chronic feeling of guilt);

Demonstration of the “omnipotence” of the rapist (in any case, the rapist tries to demonstrate and emphasize his supercompetence, comparing himself with the “inept” victim; both everyday and professional skills, and even physical strength are compared. The purpose of such comparisons is to instill fear and a feeling of inadequacy as opposed to the “authority” of the rapist);

? “random indulgences” (the rapist sometimes rewards his victim with attention and warm feelings, but does this either rarely, or inappropriately, or in order to reinforce the behavior desired by the aggressor, or in a paradoxical and unexpected way - so as to cause disorientation and stupefaction);

Humiliation and mockery, ridicule in the presence of other people;

Control over the satisfaction of physical needs (food, sleep, rest, etc.), which leads to physical exhaustion of the victim;

Constant threats with or without reason, easily turning into physical violence;

Use of psychoactive substances (eg alcohol);

Inconsistent and unpredictable requirements;

Frequent and unpredictable mood swings of the aggressor, for which the victim is “to blame”;

Being forced to do ridiculous and pointless work.

If we consider psychological violence more broadly, it may also include various methods psychological impact (influence): psychological coercion, attack, manipulation and a number of others. These are actions that also fall under the category of “mind control strategies.” The goal of “mind control strategies” is to manipulate the thoughts, feelings and behavior of others in a given context over a period of time, resulting in a relatively greater benefit for the manipulator than for those being manipulated. The changes produced can be precisely focused or act on a wide area of ​​human relations. They may appear suddenly or develop gradually, they may be brought about with or without awareness of any manipulative or persuasive intent of the influencer, and they may result in temporary or lasting change.

Although some types of mind control use what are called "exotic" techniques such as hypnosis, drugs and intrusive attacks directly on the brain, most forms of mind control are more mundane ( Schwitzgebel, Schwitzgebel, 1973; Varela, 1971; Weinstein, 1990). They rely on the use of fundamental human needs to achieve compliance or obedience to the desired rules and behavioral instructions of the influencer ( Deikman, 1990; Milgram, 1992). While some influencers are "compliance professionals" working within institutional settings, especially government, religious, military, or business settings, many are also "intuitive persuaders" who regularly use "poke-and-poke" tactics. pliability for personal gain and control over others, often one's work colleagues, friends and relatives ( Cialdini, 1993; Zimbardo, Leippe, 1991).

The mechanism of compliance (the inducement of one person to comply with the demand of another) can be understood if we consider the tendency of people to respond automatically, based on stereotypes ( Asch, 1951; Barker, 1984; Cialdini, 1993; Franks, 1961; Zimbardo, 1972). Representatives of most social groups have “created” a set of qualities (or traits) that play a role trigger mechanisms in the process of compliance, that is, a set of specific elements of information that usually “tell” a person that agreement with a requirement is most likely correct and beneficial. Each of these pieces of information can be used as an influence tool to get people to agree to a demand.

In a classic work on the psychology of influence, R. Cialdini (Cialdini, 1999) considers several basic principles (rules) that are most often used as a weapon of influence.

The principle of mutual exchange. In accordance with this rule, a person tries to repay in a certain way for what another person has provided him. The rule of reciprocity often forces people to comply with the demands of others. One of the favorite "profit" tactics of certain types of "compliance professionals" is to give the person something before asking for a favor in return.

There is another way to force a person to make concessions using the rule of reciprocity. Instead of being the first to provide a favor that will lead to a return favor, an individual may initially make a concession that will push the opponent to reciprocate the concession.

The principle of commitment and consistency. Psychologists have long discovered that most people strive to be and appear consistent in their words, thoughts and deeds. Three factors underlie this tendency toward consistency. Firstly, consistency in behavior is highly valued by society. Secondly, consistent behavior contributes to solving a variety of problems in everyday life. Thirdly, a focus on consistency creates opportunities for the formation of valuable stereotypes in the complex conditions of modern existence. Consistently adhering to previously made decisions, a person may not process all relevant information in standard situations; instead, he must simply remember the earlier decision and react according to it.

The principle of social proof. According to the principle of social proof, people, in order to decide what to believe and how to act in a given situation, are guided by what other people believe and do in a similar situation. The tendency to imitate has been found in both children and adults. This tendency manifests itself in a variety of actions, such as deciding to buy something, donating money to charity, and even freeing oneself from phobias. The principle of social proof can be applied to induce a person to comply with a particular requirement; at the same time, the person is informed that many people (the more the better) agree or have agreed with this requirement.

The principle of social proof is most effective when two factors are present. One of them is uncertainty. When people doubt, when a situation seems uncertain to them, they are more likely to pay attention to the actions of others and consider these actions to be correct. For example, when people hesitate to help someone, the actions of others influence their decision to help much more than in an obvious critical situation. The second factor where social proof has the greatest impact is similarity. People are more likely to follow the example of those who are similar to them.

The principle of benevolence. People prefer to agree with those individuals whom they know and like. Knowing this rule, "compliance professionals" usually try to appear as attractive as possible.

The second factor influencing the attitude towards a person and the degree of compliance is similarity. People always like those people who are similar to them, and they are more willing to agree to the demands of such people, often unconsciously. It has also been noted that people who lavish praise arouse goodwill. Listening to compliments, including those given for selfish reasons, can have unpleasant consequences, as it makes people more compliant.

Another factor that, as a rule, influences the attitude towards a person or object is close acquaintance with it.

The principle of authority. The tendency to obey legitimate authorities is due to the centuries-old practice of indoctrinating members of society with the idea that such obedience is correct. In addition, people often find it convenient to obey the orders of true authorities, since they usually have a large store of knowledge, wisdom and power. For these reasons, deference to authority may arise unconsciously. Obedience to authority is often presented to people as a rational way to make decisions.

The principle of scarcity. According to the principle of scarcity, people value more what is less available. This principle is often used to capitalize on compliance techniques such as quantity-limiting tactics and deadline-setting tactics, in which compliance professionals try to convince us that access to what they offer is strictly limited.

The principle of scarcity has a powerful influence on people for two reasons. First, because things that are difficult to acquire tend to be more valuable, assessing the degree to which an item or experience is accessible is often a rational way of assessing its quality. Secondly, when things become less accessible, we lose some of our freedom.

According to the theory of psychological reactance, people react to restrictions on freedom by increasing the desire to have it (along with the goods and services associated with it) in full.

The principle of “instant” influence. In conditions modern life The ability to quickly make the right decisions is of particular importance. Although all people prefer well-thought-out decisions, the variety of forms and fast pace of modern life often does not allow them to carefully analyze all the relevant pros and cons. Increasingly, people are forced to take a different approach to the decision-making process - an approach that is based on stereotypical behaviors, whereby the decision to concede (or agree, or believe, or buy) is made on the basis of a single, usually trustworthy piece of information.

Below are definitions of the different types psychological influence(Dotsenko, 1996; Steiner, 1974; Jones, 1964; Sidorenko, 2004).

Argumentation- expressing and discussing arguments in favor of a certain decision or position in order to form or change the interlocutor’s attitude towards this decision or position.

Self-promotion- declaring one’s goals and presenting evidence of one’s competence and qualifications in order to be appreciated and thereby gain advantages in elections, when appointed to a position, etc.

Suggestion- a conscious, unreasoned influence on a person or group of people, aimed at changing their state, attitude towards something and creating a predisposition to certain actions.

Infection- transfer of one’s state or attitude to another person or group of people who in some way (not yet found an explanation) adopt this state or attitude. The state can be transmitted both involuntarily and voluntarily, and acquired - also involuntarily or voluntarily.

Awakening the impulse to imitate- the ability to evoke the desire to be like oneself. This ability can either manifest itself involuntarily or be used voluntarily. The desire to imitate and imitation (copying someone else's behavior and way of thinking) can also be voluntary and involuntary.

Building Favor- attracting the involuntary attention of the addressee by the initiator demonstrating his own originality and attractiveness, expressing favorable judgments about the addressee, imitating him or providing him with a service.

Request- appeal to the addressee with an appeal to satisfy the needs or desires of the initiator of the influence.

Ignoring- deliberate inattention, absent-mindedness in relation to the partner, his statements and actions. Most often it is perceived as a sign of neglect and disrespect, but in some cases it acts as a tactful form of forgiveness for tactlessness or awkwardness made by a partner.

Attack- a sudden attack on someone else's psyche, carried out with or without conscious intention and which is a form of release of emotional tension. Expressing disparaging or offensive judgments about a person’s personality; gross aggressive condemnation, slander or ridicule of his deeds and actions; a reminder of the shameful or regrettable facts of his biography; categorical imposition of one’s advice, etc.

A psychological attack carries many of the features of a physical attack, being its symbolic replacement.

The attack can be carried out:

For a specific purpose;

For a specific reason;

For a specific reason and for a specific purpose.

In the first case we can talk about a targeted attack, in the second - about an impulsive one, in the third - about an all-out attack. An attack operation can take three forms:

Destructive criticism;

Destructive statements;

Destructive advice.

1. Destructive criticism- This:

Disparaging or offensive judgments about a person's personality;

Rough aggressive condemnation, slander or ridicule of his deeds and actions, people significant to him, social communities, ideas, values, works, material objects, etc.;

Rhetorical questions aimed at identifying and “correcting” shortcomings.

2. Destructive statements- This:

Mentions and reminders about objective biographical facts that a person is not able to change and which he most often could not influence (national, social and racial identity; urban or rural origin; occupation of parents; illegal behavior of someone close to them; their alcoholism or drug addiction in the family; hereditary and chronic diseases; natural constitution, especially facial features; myopia or other impairments of vision, hearing, etc.);

3. Destructive advice- This:

Peremptory instructions, commands and instructions that are not implied by the social or working relationships of partners.

Compulsion- this is the stimulation of a person to perform certain actions with the help of threats (open or implied) or deprivation.

Coercion is possible only if the coercer actually has the ability to implement threats, that is, the authority to deprive the addressee of any benefits or to change the conditions of his life and work. Such capabilities can be called controlling. By coercion, the initiator threatens to use his control capabilities in order to obtain the desired behavior from the addressee.

The most severe forms of coercion may involve threats of physical harm. Subjectively, coercion is experienced as pressure: by the initiator - as his own pressure, by the addressee - as pressure on him from the initiator or “circumstances”.

Forms of coercion:

Announcing strictly defined deadlines or ways of doing work without any explanation or justification;

Imposing non-negotiable prohibitions and restrictions;

Intimidation by possible consequences;

Threat of punishment, in its most severe forms - physical violence.

Coercion is a method of influence that is limited in the scope of its possible application, since the initiator of influence must have leverage of non-psychological pressure on the addressee.

One of the most common types of psychological influence is manipulation. Psychological manipulation is a type of psychological influence that leads to hidden arousal in another person of intentions that do not coincide with his existing desires. Manipulation also usually means a hidden (or subconscious) psychological influence on the interlocutor in order to achieve behavior beneficial to the manipulator. That is, manipulation is hidden coercion, programming of thoughts, intentions, feelings, relationships, attitudes, behavior.

The Oxford Dictionary defines manipulation as “the act of influencing or controlling people or things with dexterity, especially with a disparaging connotation, as covert control or manipulation” (Dotsenko, 2003).

The metaphor of psychological manipulation contains three important features:

The idea of ​​“getting your hands on”

A prerequisite for maintaining the illusion of independence of decisions and actions of the recipient of the influence,

The skill of the manipulator in performing influence techniques.

There are also five groups of features, each of which has a generalized criterion that claims to be included in the definition of manipulation:

1. generic sign - psychological impact;

2. the attitude of the manipulator towards another as a means of achieving his own goals;

3. the desire to obtain a one-sided gain;

4. the hidden nature of the impact (both the fact of the impact and its direction);

5. using (psychological) strength, playing on weaknesses. In addition, two more criteria turned out to be somewhat isolated:

6. motivation, motivational input;

7. skill and dexterity in carrying out manipulative actions.

There are also a number of clarifying definitions of manipulation.

Manipulation is a type of psychological influence in which the skill of the manipulator is used to covertly introduce into the psyche of the addressee goals, desires, intentions, relationships or attitudes that do not coincide with those that the addressee has in his life. at the moment.

Manipulation is a psychological influence aimed at changing the direction of another person’s activity, performed so skillfully that it goes unnoticed by him.

Manipulation is a psychological influence aimed at implicitly inducing another to perform actions determined by the manipulator.

Manipulation is the skillful inducement of another to achieve (pursue) a goal indirectly set by the manipulator.

The degree of success of manipulation largely depends on how wide the arsenal of psychological influences used by the manipulator is and how flexible the manipulator is in using them. Typically, means of manipulation are reduced to several groups (given in order corresponding to the frequency of their mention):

1. handling information;

2. concealment of manipulative influence;

3. degree and means of coercion, use of force;

4. targets of influence;

5. the theme of roboticity, machine-likeness of the recipient of the impact.

There are the following means by which manipulative influence is deployed.

1. Determination of the impact vector based on subtasks. For example, diverting the addressee’s attention from a certain area, limiting attention to the required content, reducing the addressee’s criticality, increasing one’s own rank in his eyes, introducing the required desire, intention, aspiration into the addressee’s consciousness, isolating himself from the influence of other people, controlling other possible interference and etc.

2. Selection of the type of force (weapon of influence) to apply pressure. For example, seizing the initiative, introducing your topic, reducing the time for making a decision, bringing you into a state (or choosing a moment) when the recipient’s criticality is reduced, advertising yourself or hinting at wide connections and opportunities, demonstrating (or simulating) your own qualifications, appealing to those present , creation of a mythical majority, etc.

3. Search for a motive through which you can penetrate mental sphere, “get into the soul.” This will not necessarily be a desire for success, money, fame or sexual satisfaction. The “strings of the soul” can be any significant motive: worries about short stature (overweight, illness, shoe size), pride in being a fourth generation intellectual (eldest son, Don Cossack), hobbies, curiosity, intolerance to some type of people, etc.

4. Gradual increase in pressure along various lines (if required):

Increasing density (a number of impacts similar in content or form);

Totality of impact - its diversity, variety of channels and targets of impact;

Constancy - persistence, reaching the point of importunity;

Intensity - increasing the power of influence.

The most common consequences of any type of violence are:

Low self-esteem of the victim, extremely distorted self-concept;

Emotional maladaptation and disorientation (chronic guilt; “burnout” - inability to experience positive emotions; frequent depression; hypersensitivity; high anxiety; repressed need for love - they want warmth, but are afraid of close relationships; pessimism, a feeling of failed, “unhappy” life);

Intellectual dysfunctions (inflexibility, uncriticality, narrowness of thinking; low concentration of attention; poor memory, etc.; “mental blocks” in personally significant situations; sometimes up to derealization, when situations of violence are repressed - “it’s all a dream”);

Learned helplessness, inability to make independent decisions and take responsible actions;

They expect someone to solve their problems, push them to make the right life choices and actions, hence the lack of initiative of victims of violence in work and personal life;

Various and extensive psychosomatic disorders. The consequences listed above lead to the constant reproduction of the dependent relationship “rapist - victim”. The victim unconsciously seeks for himself “ strong man“or she herself becomes a rapist (identification with the aggressor); There may be mixed options. In women who are mothers, the tendency to violence is often transferred to their children.

From the book Gender Psychology author Author unknown

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4. School violence School violence has become common in recent times. Here, too, an insidious and precise mechanism of fear operates. A classic example is the fate of Jokin S., a student from Hondarribia, who committed suicide, unable to

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6.2 PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE Psychological violence, despite its similarities with emotional violence, is classified as a separate category (Soonets, 2000). Psychological violence is an act committed against a child that inhibits the development of his potential

From the book Psychotherapy. Tutorial author Team of authors

6.3 PHYSICAL VIOLENCE Physical violence is a type of attitude towards a child when he is deliberately placed in a physically and mentally vulnerable position, when he is deliberately caused bodily harm or does not prevent the possibility of its infliction. Determine that the child

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Part VI. Certain forms and types of psychotherapy

Psychological abuse can take many forms, from demeaning jokes to offensive remarks. Sometimes this form of violence is even difficult to identify. This article contains tips that will help you identify the signs of psychological abuse and protect yourself from such behavior.

Steps

Part 1

identifying bullying

1. Remember about the different forms of psychological violence. They always bully in different ways. If we set out to derive some general types of such violence, we get the following:

   • Humiliation and Criticism: When you are constantly put down, judged and criticized.
   • Dominance, control: when you are treated like a child and find yourself constantly asking permission.
   • Denial and unreasonable demands: When the other person cannot accept blame or an apology and constantly denies the facts.
   • Isolation and ignoring: when you are boycotted.
   • Codependency: your personal boundaries are constantly violated, you are used as a “vest”.

2. Be aware of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a psychological aggressive strategy, the purpose of which is to sow doubts in a person’s own perception of reality and sanity. This is one of the most secretive forms of psychological violence, but at the same time, it is extremely harmful. We may be suffering from gaslighting if:

   • You constantly reconsider your opinion.
   • You constantly apologize, even for trifles.
   • You know something is going terribly wrong, but you can't do anything about it.
   • It's difficult for you to make simple choices.
   • You wonder if you are too sensitive.

3. Remember what is typical for normal relationships. Violence is sometimes difficult to define, especially if you have no idea what a normal relationship is. If you feel like you are lacking any of the following, then most likely you are actually being psychologically abused.

   • Kindness, emotional support.
   • The right to your own feelings and thoughts, even if they differ from the feelings and thoughts of another person.
   • Encouraging your interests and achievements.
   • No physical or emotional threats, including angry outbursts.
   • Address you with respect and do not allow derogatory nicknames or other verbal humiliation.

   Part 2

   solving the problem of psychological violence

   1. Think about the state of the problem in a calm environment. Don't try to solve the problem through arguments. Even if you are completely right, there will be no benefit from this, but there will be plenty of harm. Instead, consider less conflicting options to solve the problem:

      • Ask the other person if you can talk things through calmly. Instead of throwing around the words “mental abuse,” talk about how, in your opinion. your relationship could be better. Use more of the pronoun “I”, speak in the first person, and do not throw accusations with the pronoun “you”.
      • Write a letter. If you feel like a heart-to-heart conversation won’t work, then put your thoughts on paper. The advantage of this method is that you can write everything as constructively as possible, saying exactly what is on your mind. Make several drafts, avoid direct accusations that may inflame the recipient's anger. Instead of saying, “You're making fun of me and I hate it,” write something like “I feel like I'm being humiliated and teased.”

   2. Seek support. A faithful friend or relative who will listen and understand, to whom you can open your feelings - this is priceless. Plus, if your relationship does end, it's a good idea to have someone nearby who can help you get through it.

      • No need to contact your mutual friend. This will only put him in a very, very unpleasant position. Instead, reach out to someone you know well, but who doesn't know your abuser.
      • Don't despair. Yes, you can cry into your friend’s vest during difficult times. You shouldn’t turn this into something for which you are actually “friends.” Otherwise, the “vest” might get offended, and then you will have not 1, but 2 damaged relationships. So don’t become limp, don’t fall into despair and... keep your nose up!

   3. Seek professional help. If the problem can no longer be dealt with on your own, then contact a professional. Find a therapist or marriage counselor who specializes in emotional abuse and make an appointment with them as soon as possible.

      • If the financial aspect limits your choice, look for municipal institutions with specialists in the relevant field.
      • It doesn’t matter what happens to the relationship later, whether it survives or not. It is important to contact a professional. If your abuser is not interested in participating, then you can simply focus on healing your emotional wounds, after which you can move on with your life.
      • If you feel that the situation is developing in a threatening way, leave the offender’s company as soon as possible. Have a friend or family member with you, or contact a local center that provides advocacy services for victims of violence.
   4. If for family reasons you cannot leave your abuser (say, the children love him very much, etc.), then, even if things go very badly, remember - you are putting up with this for the sake of the family. The sacrifice, of course, is noble, but it doesn’t hurt to ask for help. Even if moral or religious reasons prevent you from separating, or you do not want to separate your children and parents, there is an option - to live separately for some time. Helps.
   5. If you cannot contact the police because your offender is a policeman himself or someone else in power, carefully plan your... escape. Stock up on money and... run, run. Better - to another region. If you have someone to go to, then that’s even better.

   Warnings

   • Psychological violence may well become physical, and then everything will be much more complicated. In this case, seek help law enforcement agencies and start keeping a diary. Keep it in a safe place, write down everything that happened to you, not forgetting the dates. If you were injured, take photographs or videotape them. It would be better if a friend took the photo and signed it as a witness.

Psychological violence: what it is and how to fight it

A tyrant husband is a common topic of discussion. If tyranny is accompanied by physical violence, then everything is clear - you need to leave. And the sooner the better. This is exactly the advice most women will receive from friends and relatives when they complain of beatings. However, in addition to physical violence, there is also psychological violence.

Psychological violence is discussed extremely rarely, and yet, psychologists assure that for the psyche of the victim it is even more dangerous than physical violence. If physical violence cripples the body, then psychological violence cripples the soul and the very personality of the victim.

To begin with, it’s worth understanding what it is psychological violence.

Psychological (moral, emotional) violence is a method of non-physical pressure on the human psyche. Typically this pressure is carried out at four levels:

Control of behavior (the tyrant controls the victim’s social circle and his actions, forces him to account for being late, can arrange an interrogation in the spirit of where he was, with whom and why for so long)

Thought control (the tyrant’s attitudes are imposed on the victim)

Control of emotions (emotional swings, provoking emotions - from positive to sharply negative, manipulation in order to evoke certain emotions)

Information control (the tyrant controls what books the victim reads, what music he listens to, what TV shows).

How does this manifest itself in practice?

Recognizing a psychological tyrant can be difficult. The first sign is that the relationship is very emotional from the very beginning. They quickly become serious. They will tell you about crazy love, that only you can make him happy...

The problems begin a little later - the tyrant partner begins to speak critically about your actions, friends, work. He often insists that you quit your job, saying that his funds are enough to support you...

Be careful!

In fact, under the guise of love and care, you will receive total control - the tyrant seeks to control your social circle, your actions, even your thoughts. The means are not so important - it can be poisonous ridicule or, on the contrary, a demonstration of such sincere grief that you yourself begin to feel guilty for upsetting this wonderful person...

The result of constant pressure is the rejection of one’s own attitudes and the acceptance of the partner’s attitudes. A psychological tyrant destroys the victim’s personality, breaks her attitudes, and lowers her self-esteem. The victim increasingly feels worthless, stupid, dependent, selfish - enter what needs to be included. She is increasingly dependent on the tyrant. And he, in turn, diligently cultivates in her the belief that if it weren’t for him, no one would need her anymore.

A tyrant can behave in an emphatically sacrificial manner. But this position has nothing to do with true acceptance and sacrifice. This is a kind of emotional bondage in the spirit of “I will give you everything - but you will always owe me.”

Distinguishing psychological tyranny from real care can be difficult. Focus on your feelings. If you are haunted by a feeling of guilt towards your partner, but at the same time you cannot clearly understand why exactly you feel guilty, this is a sure sign that you are being subjected to psychological violence.

Why is emotional abuse dangerous?

The danger of psychological violence is that when viewed from the outside, nothing special happens. What couple doesn't have quarrels? Attempts to complain about relationships rarely meet with the understanding of loved ones - from the outside, tyrants always seem to be the nicest people, and the victim herself cannot clearly explain why she feels discomfort. “You’re freaking out,” she hears. On the other hand, the victim is treated by a tyrant who tells her that everything is fine, they have a wonderful relationship - but she feels bad only because she herself is selfish, or does not know how to be happy, or does not know how it should be...

Naturally, the victim begins to think that something is wrong with him. After all, everyone around her insists that her partner is a wonderful person and loves her very much, but she, ungrateful, is dissatisfied with something... The victim stops trusting her feelings, she loses her critical attitude to the situation - she finds herself in complete emotional dependence on the tyrant. And it is in his interests to continue to instill in her a feeling of guilt and a feeling of inferiority in order to continue to maintain control.

What to do if your partner is a psychological tyrant?

Don't try to convince yourself that everything is fine - that it's your own fault, that he actually cares about you... As soon as you realize that there is a tyrant next to you, you need to leave. The longer you stay in such a relationship, the more destructive your psyche will be affected.

Unfortunately, awareness usually comes quite late - the boundaries of the victim’s personality are completely blurred, she does not have enough strength to fight back, she does not believe in herself and is sure that she deserves such an attitude. Therefore, first you need to understand that the problem is not with you, but with the one who asserts himself at your expense, imposing on you a false sense of guilt and complexes.

The next step is to find support. Someone who will support your decision to leave the tyrant, someone who can remind you of the reasons for your decision if you suddenly falter. Otherwise, it will be difficult for you to withstand the pressure of the environment and the tyrant himself.

And finally, try to remember how you lived without him. What did they believe in then, what did they think about, who were their friends, what were their hobbies. Were you happier then? If yes - forward to change!

It is very important, at least for the first time after leaving, to protect yourself as much as possible from communicating with former partner- you need to gain strength and remember who you really are, outside of a relationship with a tyrant. This necessity is due to the fact that the tyrant always makes attempts to return the victim.

Only by finally returning to your personality will you be able to soberly evaluate attempts to pressure and manipulate your feelings, separate own installations from those imposed by the tyrant.

The best remedy for the consequences of psychological violence is a new romance with an adequate partner. Working with a competent psychologist works just as well.

Remember: the main criterion for the correctness of what is happening to you is a feeling of happiness. If this feeling is not there, then something is going wrong. Trust yourself, don't ignore your feelings, value yourself - you deserve happiness just like any other person.