What to do if there is a hopeless situation in life. How to get out of a hopeless situation

From time to time we are faced with situations and circumstances that seem to us either intractable or insoluble at all. In such cases, having despaired of finding a way out of the existing situation, we are especially in dire need of an objective and sober view from the outside. But where to find it, this interested and thoughtful opinion? Where can we find a truly wise person who, in difficult times, will help us this only path, the thread of Ariadne, tell us how to break out of the vicious circle?

We very often entrust this responsible decision to our relatives or friends. This has its advantages. First, we certainly trust them. Secondly, one can hope that their "outside view" will be more accurate in assessing the situation. And thirdly, we simply do not know who else to turn to for help. The disadvantages of such a decision are also obvious: it is unlikely that the decision of your loved ones will turn out to be the best - if only because they do not know the whole depth of the problem, all its shades and nuances. This is known only to you. But what then to do in such cases?

There is an exit. And the most amazing thing is that you know it. You know how to solve the most difficult problem, how to find a way out of the most difficult and confusing situation. There is a solution. And if it’s hard for you to believe this, then think about how you are looking for keys that were not in the usual place. You know they are at home. You know for sure that they are somewhere. It is also obvious to you that sooner or later you will find them. But where are they?

In order to find a solution to a problem that defies the most desperate logic, we need to take a paradoxical path: to make it look like the problem has a solution, just as in school textbooks in physics and algebra all the answers to the tasks are given. All you have to do is find the relevant pages containing all these solutions and select the relevant answer. And in order to find those pages with answers to all our questions, we will need the so-called wise man technique: a psychological exercise that will allow us to reduce the search for solutions to the most complex problems of life to a minimum.

The wise man technique is performed only once, and after that you get answers to any, the most difficult questions of life. However, for this to actually happen, the technique must be done very thoroughly and seriously. It consists in the fact that you create in your imagination the image of a wise person who helps you solve all your problems. This image further accompanies you as a talisman. It will be like a genie that you can call out of the bottle in difficult times. And he will always come to your aid as soon as you ask him about it.

How is a wise person created? The imagination of a person is so strong that he can come up with almost everything that you can imagine. If you want to imagine for a moment what a pink tree will look like, then you can do it. You can easily create the desired pictures and images. You can also remember and reproduce the sounds of your favorite melodies, sing their motive to yourself. You can hear a voice: male or female, loud or quiet, high or low. If you wish, you can see the picture and hear how it can sound: for example, a ball that bounces on the floor not only has a certain color and shape, but also makes some sound when it bounces off the floor. We do all this thousands of times every day: we present pictures, we hear voices, and we can even see a full-color movie with our own participation.

In order to create a wise person, you will need exactly the ability to see with your inner eye and hear with your inner ear that you have. You do not need anything supernatural and amazing imagination. Wisdom, as a rule, is measuredness, smoothness and calmness in everything. However, if your wise man is dressed in orange jeans and his hair is dyed Blue colour Well, I wouldn't be surprised at all. Because your wise person can be anything. He can be with or without a beard, it can be a woman or a man. This person may be aged or, conversely, very young. As long as he satisfies one important rule: the appearance of this person is fully consistent with your idea of \u200b\u200bwisdom and enlightenment.

It may take you several hours to create a wise person. Do not feel sorry for it, it will bring you great benefits, which can then be calculated in months and years, if we are talking about the time we spend looking for this or that solution. It is best if no one bothers you during these hours, and you can be alone with yourself, alone with your wise man. If you have found such an opportunity, you can proceed directly to the implementation of the technique.

Step number one. You will need a pen and a piece of paper. Get it all ready and then try to relax. Nothing needs to be done, you can sit quietly in a chair or even lie down. You will need to remember some of your past experiences, and this will be easy, because you will have to remember pleasant things. Please remember a few times in your life when you found a way out of a difficult situation. They can be anything, take the most obvious ones that come to your mind. How did you feel in those moments when you broke the vicious circle, when the situation was successfully resolved? Speak also to yourself about your role and merit: what exactly did you come up with in order for everything to fall into place? As soon as you remember this and say it, mentally put a tick or a cross, as people do when winding a thread around their hand or drawing signs on their palms to remember, and move on to another case with a similar result. Your task is to remember five (or more) such cases and mentally put crosses: they say, we remembered, we remember. Once everything is ready, write it all down on a piece of paper. Formulate something like this: "I did this and that, and my problem such and such was successfully resolved." Or: "I came up with such and such, and after that everything fell into place."

Step two. Exist different types wise people, and for each person they can be very different. Someone is convinced by a beard, someone by horn-rimmed glasses. The mind can be emphasized by certain clothes, age, or the presence of certain details. Knowing this, fantasize about what he is - your wise man? What would he look like if you met him? How would he be dressed? Maybe he even reminds you of someone? How would his voice sound? Fantasy boldly, freely, listen to your feelings. You can make notes on a sheet of paper, fixing its most important features or qualities. You can draw it if you can even draw a little. You should also decide where to meet your wise person. Perhaps it will be a quiet, darkened office, or a hot desert, or autumn forest. If you can't imagine something, then just think about how it would look if you could do it. Thank God it's easy to think about what people or things might look like. It's easy to think about what your wise person will look like.

At the end of the second step, you will have a complete picture of your wise person. You will also know the place of your meeting with him: a place that you can always either imagine or think about so that it fills your attention. You can also describe a wise person on paper. Do not spare words, describe it in as much detail as possible.

Step three. After you can imagine your wise person whenever you need to (just close your eyes and go to him, or let him come to you, or he will just appear in front of you as soon as you think about it), return to your list of those cases and situations in which you found good decision and got out safely, and add one more such situation to this list. It will be easy, since we find a lot of similar decisions in our life. Repeat everything in exactly the same way: remember which good decision you figured out how you felt immediately after the situation was discharged, put a mental cross, as in previous cases, and then add this case to the list.

Step four. After completing step number three, try to relax again: lean back in your chair or take a supine position. Close your eyes and think about that difficult situation that exists in the present. Focus on it for a minute, that will be enough. After that, meet with your wise man, and as soon as he appears before you, ask him one question: what should you do in this situation?

As soon as you ask a question to your wise person, you will instantly receive an answer. It can be of any property: memory, image, picture, voice, phrase, and any other. Think about what you got. You can write it down, draw it, or say it out loud. You have received some important information that contains the answer to your question. You just have to understand what the wise person wanted to say by giving you this information.

In the future, during repeated meetings with a wise person, you can agree with him on ways to exchange information. You can find out what his name is, and for this it is quite enough for you to simply ask him about it. You can also hear his voice, and then, when asking your questions, you just have to listen to what he has to say. It may be that when you meet, you do not hear a voice, but you have thoughts that answer your questions. These are the answers of your wise man. Do not forget to thank him for meeting with you and trying to help you.

There are no restrictions on meeting a wise person. You can turn to him for help at any time you see fit. After each meeting with him, also pay attention to the dream that you had. In a dream, you can get very important information that will help you make the right decision. Good luck to you! And thank you to your wise man, whom you will meet very soon. I thank him for listening carefully to all this.

positive psychology 08.10.2016

Dear readers, each of us at least once in our lives has found ourselves in crisis situations, and everyone knows that “saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves”, and that even if everything is very bad, there is still a way out!

And today on the blog I want to present you a kind of continuation of the topic raised in the article from Marina Tamilova - a teacher, psychologist and a person of versatile hobbies. I give the floor to Marina, who this time will share with you her own recipe for getting out of difficult life situations, which often abound in our lives.

Dear readers, in today's article I want to offer you my personal, working, method of pulling yourself out of life's impasse. No matter how bad you feel, sooner or later you will have to pull yourself together and move forward. Hope I can help you with this...

What is the scariest thing in life

Life often presents a person with surprises: both pleasant and unpleasant. Someone has more pleasant, but someone, on the contrary. Sometimes people live for years in misfortunes and stresses, and not invented, but the most real: an endless series of illnesses, deaths of relatives, impoverishment, family breakdown and even homelessness. Such misfortunes simply kill a person from the inside, destroying his soul and leading further and further away from unity with the Absolute.

The most terrible thing in this situation is that many cannot stand it (and they can be understood), take offense at the whole world and turn away from the Source from which we all came. It is very difficult not to be offended when the hardest trials fall on your lot. While other people live and enjoy life to the fullest. How to explain to a normal person who tries to live according to his conscience that all problems come from himself, and people and God have absolutely nothing to do with it.

You must always understand that life situation, which you have in the present, is the result of your actions or, conversely, inaction, in the past. It is useless to be offended by this. A person always has a choice: to be offended or not, to help someone not, to respond with evil to evil or not, to choose this particular person or another as a spouse, to accept a low-paid job and complain about poverty, or to take responsibility for one’s life and create themselves anew in accordance with their ideas about their own lives.

Most often, a person chooses to do nothing, because it is scary, and it is not known what lies ahead. We are not used to freedom. Especially the older generation, who grew up in the Soviet Union and got used to the fact that everything in life is planned and understandable. At that time, a good education guaranteed employment and good earnings and now no. Many forties, fine educated people, were confused and could not find their place in life, which led to a series of suicides and mental disorders in the 90s.

“Thanks to” perestroika, we have lost several generations of “psychological children, adolescents and young men” who simply could not adapt. Survived and rose more persistent, able to fight for their "place in the sun" both physically and morally. But these are only 10% of the population. It is they who occupy places in the Forbes lists.

The most difficult thing in our time is for “psychological youths” - these are people, often with several higher education very smart and well educated. Unfortunately, they are used to a lot of thinking, but not doing. That is why they are at very low levels of society, and sometimes below the poverty line, if they could not adequately "sell" their intellect. In general, most people behave as if they have 500 years left to live, as Bill Gates once put it.

Life dead end. What to do? How to find a way out of a difficult situation

There are several options:

go to people for help;
help someone who is even worse;
spend general cleaning in the house;
get rid of negative thoughts and beliefs;
forgive everyone;
stop being offended at all;
get out of the comfort zone;
take responsibility for your life.

The last item on this list is the most important. You need to understand that no one, instead of you, will create you anew, or make you a completely different person.

They can help you financially, if you're lucky, help with work, but no one, instead of you, will mold you into a new strong personality who will be able to live by your own rules and succeed at the same time. Nobody argues that it is difficult. Especially when present, emotional instability. Periods of inspiration and activity are replaced by times of complete despair and the feeling that nothing will ever work out, and it is better to “go with the flow”, leaving everything as it is. And now specifically what you personally need to do to change your life.

We paint our life

Sit down in silence and write down in detail what you want in life. Do not be shy. For example, if you want a yacht and a villa in Italy, then write, no matter how stupid and unrealistic it all seems to you.

Visualization

Find bright pictures of your future life, stick them on a large sheet of drawing paper along with your photos in chic interiors next to a handsome prince or princess. Whatman paper should be hung in the most prominent place in your apartment. This is very inspiring.

Looking for inspiration

Find music and meditations that inspire you personally on the Internet and listen to it every day.

What about insults?

Get rid of all insults honestly and be sure that if you don’t, then it’s like “to spite the conductor” - buy a ticket and go on foot. It is the accumulated grievances and old junk unfinished business and desires does not allow you to move forward. If you are a Christian, go to church often and pray. For some this helps a lot. difficult situations. Confess, take communion, light candles and pray for everyone who offended you. This will bring your soul invaluable benefits.

Pullback moments

In moments of “kickbacks”, when you want to roar and do nothing, sit and roar, beat dishes, scatter things, dance until you drop to let off steam. And when the tantrum is over, put things in order and start all over again. Over time, such disruptions will become less and less. Everyone has them. It is your EGO that resists letting you into a new bright life. Not only the EGO resists, but also the egregore of the negativity that you have been accumulating for years. Egregors are a kind of energy fields to which each of us is connected. Egregors feed on your emotions. If you live, for the most part, in the negative, then you attract negative egregors to yourself, which are not profitable for you to change.

Steps and steps

Do something little by little every day to move towards your goal. Don't get frustrated because you can't. Sooner or later you will succeed if you are persistent enough and do not stop halfway. If you do not regularly create yourself and your life, then life, environment and other people will create you, and they will do it in such a way that you will not like it at all.

Our Action Plan

Plan your action for real world and a list of psychological practices that need to be performed every day to get out of a crisis situation. Exercise helps to move forward and neutralize fears, anxiety and pessimism. Include in your daily schedule also regular physical exercise because your body is the "temple of the soul". The more in a better condition your body is, the more energy, will and strength you have to create your new life.

Just start doing

I must say that many people do everything that I wrote about above, but never go to real action unable to move at all. This is because your thoughts are still in the negative. Subconsciously, you still do not believe in yourself and feel that you are not worthy of change.

What to do with it? It will take time for you to develop the habit of replacing each of your negative thoughts with 2-3 positive ones. For example: “I won’t succeed” you can replace with “I am a beloved child of God, and all his blessings are created for me”, “if God is for me, then who is against me?”, “I always succeed, because that God is in control of all my actions.”

For atheists and representatives of other religions, I note that the word God here means the Creator of all things, the Universe, which exists independently of any beliefs and religions created by man. This is the Absolute, which is above everything and which is the most powerful energy of unconditional love, from which we all came.

In addition to the purification of thoughts, you will need to purify your body, which is also accustomed to suffering. Slags and toxins accumulate in the body not only from alcohol, nicotine and junk food that we all use, especially in moments of psychological stress and melancholy. The negative from the corresponding mental thought forms also gets stuck in the body. We feel it in tense muscles, a distorted and gloomy face, chronic diseases. That is why massage, the release of bodily blocks and physical exercises you need to make your constant companions on the way to a brighter future.

Effective practices for getting out of life's impasse

In conclusion, here are a few effective methods ambulance, when once again the thought came that “everything is bad, and it will always be like this”:

smile - to let the body know that everything is fine;
jump - to shake and cheer up the body;
walking, sitting and living only with a straight back - this is fundamentally important, because. energy passes through the spine;
pinch your little finger - to pull out of bad thoughts;
to the question "how are you?" ALWAYS answer “the best!”;
walk home and work on different routes and better on foot - to create a feeling of change and vigor.

When you learn how to pull yourself out of a state of melancholy with such methods, then you can more closely tune in to a positive wave of your inner peace using the methods outlined in this article.

I thank Marina for the thoughts. From myself I want to say that you should never give up, no matter what happens in your life. If something happens, it's all just our lessons. So, for something, we need to go through everything. I've been through so much myself. And every time I was looking for a way out of their crisis.

Perhaps many will say, after reading the steps, all this is trite, I did it, it didn’t help me, nothing can be changed, and some of these thoughts continue. I would like to emphasize this point: when a person is under stress, very rarely he himself will be able to get out of the crisis. It's just that emotions are running high, preventing us from thinking. The exception is people who already have a lot of wisdom, a lot of knowledge about our work on ourselves.

Do not close yourself in any case! Look for a person, possibly a professional, who will be close to you and whom you can hear. It can be a psychologist, a wise friend, and the necessary useful books. And ask the Universe for help. I remember how in the most difficult times I came up to the window in the evening, looked at the starry sky, asked questions and asked them to give me the strength to cope.

There is no one recipe for all. We are all different. But it is imperative to look for something that will help you get out of a crisis situation. This is our path.

And the most important thing for all of us, as Marina correctly wrote, is to make our CHOICE. This applies to everything. And health, and a beautiful job, worthy of you, and a loved one nearby, and simple joys. I wish everyone a worthy choice, wisdom and steps, work in this direction.

Dear readers, it is difficult to grasp the immensity in one article. If you have difficult times, go to our section. I am sure that you will find a lot of useful things for yourself. Perhaps this is where your work on yourself will begin, including on overcoming the crisis.

And more news from me from our creative team. Our autumn issue of the magazine "Fragrances of Happiness" - Wings of Autumn has been released. You can find out about everything here.

Autumn issue of Fragrances of Happiness

And for the soul, we will listen to Richard Clayderman Mariage d'amour. Relax with pleasant music.

19 comments

Elina
09 Feb 2017 at 17:33

Date: 2015-05-13

Hello site readers.

In this article, we will analyze a serious topic: . Personally, I believe that not every person in his life finds himself in such a difficult situation. And yet, most people find themselves in such a trap at least once in their lives. And what to do when you don’t know what to do, where and how to look for a way out. You will learn about it here in this article.

First, I want to tell you what you should not do when you are in a dead end. Unfortunately, many people start using alcohol or drugs when they think you are writing: "Gone". I don’t know why they do it, but a person will definitely not find a way out in a bottle or a syringe. On the contrary, the situation will become even worse, as narcotic drugs overshadow the ability to think clearly and assess the situation. And if you find yourself in an impasse, the worst thing you can do is start drinking alcohol or using drugs. Don't you dare act like that.

Some people start whining. There is even a parable on the subject:

“Two friends were walking in the forest and found a cave. They decided to go there out of curiosity. They were so carried away walking through the dark cave that they did not notice how they got lost in it. Realizing this, one of the friends began to shout:

We will die, no one will find us.

A day passed, and he kept exclaiming about his impending death. And later his friend said to him:

“Maybe we should look for a way out?”

And the same thing happens in other people's lives. As something happened, they begin to whimper instead of looking for a way out. There is even a way out hopeless situation, you just have to look for it. Therefore, an important rule is to remain calm. The answer may come to you in a few days, weeks or even months. This happened many times in my life, and I became convinced that calmness is strength.

Now for some practice. You still have to take a piece of paper and start making a divergent map to get out of the impasse. A divergent map means several ways to solve a problem. For example, they were fired from their jobs. For some people, this is already a dead end. But the way out is still on the surface. After all, you can post your resume on the Internet, buy newspapers and start looking for vacancies on your own, attend interviews, ask acquaintances and friends about job opportunities, learn a new profession, or even create your own business.

That is, your task is not to be like the person who sat and shouted that the end had come to them, but to become the person who will look for a way out of the cave. The exit is not always found immediately. Still, you'll have to be patient. And that's what I want you to buy. I myself many times looked for ways out of difficult situations and realized that patience is a powerful force. It is this strength that will help you not to merge in your attempts.

Sometimes, in order for the problem to be solved, it is necessary to let go of the situation. This means not dwelling on what happened. For example, if a new job is not being looked for, then you can temporarily score on searches and take care of yourself. This does not mean at all that now you have to wait for manna from heaven. Are you still looking for new job, but without fanaticism and any expectations. And I am sure that when a person goes to something without tension, everything works out for him.

In a difficult situation, a friend can help you find a way out. Most people (sometimes me) rely too much on themselves. They withdraw from outside help instead of accepting it. This is their big misconception. Ego and pride make it difficult for a person to even think a little about asking for help. I'd rather decide everything myself, and be a hero, than someone will help me, after which I will feel miserable and insignificant. Hence the task for you, think about those people who will help you. Don't be afraid to ask them for help.

All dead ends are only in your head. Learn to look at the situation from the outside, thereby moving away from it. Are you good at giving advice to other people? Now give yourself some advice. Start having a dialogue with yourself. That is, ask yourself a question, and then try to answer it. You will definitely get the answer, but whether you accept it or not, this is your business.

I strongly recommend that you mentally support yourself. Your mind must be calm. And the following statement will help you with this: "Everything will be great!". Whenever you are nervous about feeling trapped, repeat this phrase. She is . The second thought that should be spinning in your head is as follows: "Everything that is not done, everything is done for the better". You have heard this phrase hundreds and hundreds of times. And now you need to repeat it hundreds and hundreds of times.

Whoever you are and whatever you achieve, troubles can always happen, and it will seem to you that life will never get better. However, remember that your attitude is what matters, and here's how you can change it.

Zen Buddhist and Harvard professor Robert Waldinger, who leads the study on adult development, has been following 724 men for 75 years to understand what makes our lives happy.

It turns out that the basis of happiness is inclusion in the community and healthy relationships. To feel happy, you need to live surrounded by people who are ready to help.

Here are six ways to deal with the intense emotions that often accompany life's challenges. Sometimes they don't help directly solve the problem, but they provide clarity of vision, and that's a lot. Regardless of the outcome, your decisions will not be the result of fear - they will be justified.

1. Stop negative self-talk

First of all, you need to discard limiting delusions, but it is equally important to stop the negative internal dialogue by asking yourself:

What facts for and against are available to me?
Am I relying on facts or my own interpretations?
Perhaps I am drawing hasty negative conclusions?
How do I know if my thoughts are correct?
Is there another way to look at this situation?
Is the situation really as dire as it seems to me?
Does this mindset help me reach my goals?

Sometimes it is enough to admit that you are indulging in self-deprecation in order to look at the problem from the other side.

2. Keep perspective

Your current problem in the context of your whole life is a mere trifle, it does not define you as a person, is not a reflection of your entire history, your strengths and achievements.

We often see only what is right in front of us, forgetting about all the past positive experiences. Keep in mind holistic image your life and ask yourself:

What can happen in the worst case? Is it likely?
And at the best?
What is most likely to happen?
What will this mean five years from now?
Perhaps I am giving too much importance to this issue?

3. Learn from your reactions

“There is a gap between stimulus and response, in that gap we have the freedom to choose our response. Our development and happiness depend on this choice,” Viktor Frankl.

How do you respond to a problem? What advice would you give to your to the best friend? At every moment we can completely control our reaction to any stimulus, and today psychology knows five ways to improve control over the reaction in a difficult situation:

Think about what kind of person you would like to be
Think about the meaning and origin of your reactions
See the results of your actions
Imagine a better answer
Learn to treat yourself with compassion

4. Learn from the reactions of the other side

Harvard scientists have shown that using empathy in disagreement has importance to resolve the conflict and is a decisive prerequisite for a successful outcome of the negotiations.

5. Assess the situation from the position of an outside observer

If you are an observer, then you can go beyond the situation, discard emotions and follow your reaction.

With this level of self-awareness, even when in the middle of a conflict, you are aware of yourself and can separate your identity from the situation.

6. Seek outside help

In any situation where own experience missing, look for wise advice. Suppress your ego and ask for a critical eye and constructive feedback, and once you're done, help others learn from your experience.

Remember that you and your problem are not one. A problem is just one aspect of your path, and it is also a source of growth. Do not run away from challenges, because they make us better. And when it seems that everything is lost, remember: this, too, will pass.

Prepared by Taya Aryanova