A woman has everything to do with it. A married woman also cares about everyone - especially the members of her large family. […]
A woman has everything to do with it. A married woman also cares about everyone - especially the members of her large family. And even in spiritual matters: does the husband fast? How often does he take communion? Does he read patristic books? Does he have soul-saving conversations with the priest? Whether the head of the family wants it or not, these questions will worry his faithful companion. How to worry correctly and without distortions, on the day of the memory of the patron saints of the marriage of the martyrs Adrian and Natalia, an experienced family man and father of many children, Kyiv priest Vladimir Tukalo, advises with a bit of humor.
On the way to Christ, they both experienced the unthinkable... “I beg you, my lord, servant of Christ,” said Natalia, “while you are still alive, stretch out your hand to beat it off, and then you will be equal to the other holy martyrs who suffered more, than you!" St. Adrian held out his hand to her, and she, taking it, laid it on the anvil. The tormentor, striking hard on the hand with a hammer, cut it off, and immediately Saint Adrian gave up his soul in the hand of God from great suffering.
Such a poignant example of how a wife can become a real spiritual mentor for her husband precedes our conversation.
– Father Vladimir, here is the situation: the wife sees that her husband rarely takes communion. Cooled off in faith, or something ... Should she care?
“It will concern her anyway, whether she should or should not. Women are the guardians of the hearth, and at home they have everything under control. A reasonable arrangement in the family is when the husband determines the strategy: "where to go", and the wife determines the tactics: "how to go." “In 1945 we will take Berlin,” says the husband. And the wife replies, “Okay. It's 1941 now. So, here we dig trenches, we build bunkers there, we take weapons like this ... ”And the husband, if he is wise, will not embarrass his wife in matters of tactics. His task is to ensure that she does not deviate from the strategy, because her desire for "the best" often leads astray, and then the strategic direction of the family changes.
But in matters of “how to go,” the wife has the right to control everything. At her discretion - household, family cash desk, clothes, food and so on. And suddenly such a zone emerges - a spiritual one, which turns out to be beyond its control. If there is no money, you can “shake out” a bonus from your husband, persuade him to go work somewhere, or earn it yourself. If the children "do not have enough" knowledge, you can hire tutors. And here is the problem: the spiritual dispensation is violated - what to do? And the woman rushes headlong into solving this puzzle.
We have a stamp: the more often you go to the temple, the more grace affects, a person is corrected, and life is getting better. Often we try to squeeze our family members into these iron frames. But the question is not in quantity, but in the quality of visits to the temple.
If a person goes to church, opens his heart there, he comes into contact with the grace of God. Even if he stood for 10 minutes and talked with God, this may be enough: he felt a response in his soul, the Lord touched his heart, and over time, a person will want such contact again. And if the husband stands in the church “not for the sake of self-interest, but only by the will of the wife who sent me,” as Father Fyodor from “12 Chairs” said, a problem arises: the heart does not turn on. On the contrary, the "obligation" works.
According to the law of physics, the force of action is equal to the force of reaction. So it is here: the more the woman presses, the more the family will resist. Even children - up to 14-15 years old - will still somehow obey, walk through force, portray sign of the cross and bow their heads, but then they will begin to resent, freak out, come up with excuses. And at 18-20 you can’t even drive them into the temple with a stick, because they associate worship with violence against their will and freedom.
And so does the husband. He is ready to accept the fact that his wife is the first in the kitchen. Agrees with her in everyday, applied things. He will even obey when he is told what shirt to wear and how to button his jacket. But he will never reconcile himself to his wife becoming his spiritual guru.
– A woman judges by herself, and if someone in the family stops fasting or going to church, she is afraid that her loved one will fall away from the Church. But, apparently, the frequency of temple visits by men does not at all indicate any falling away. But then why is this happening?
– There is an anecdote about a boy, the son of an English lord, who has been mute since childhood. And on the day of his 13th birthday, the family sits in the morning at breakfast. The Lord says, "Good morning." The boy does not answer. They serve oatmeal. Father and son begin to eat. Suddenly the lad says: "Unsalted." Everyone is in shock: what is it, how can it be! Relatives came running and asked him: “Can you talk?” - "Yes I can". “But why didn’t they say a word in all 13 years?” - "There was no need".
So it is in some families. A woman tries so hard to please her husband that he simply does not need anything. Is there a wife? - There is. - Is he listening? - Like yes, a believer. - Do I make money? - I'm making money. In general, everything is fine.
Often women, especially young Christians, surround their husbands with such care, well, they just spread it from all sides. You look at all this and think: really, why should he go to the temple - fed, watered, put to bed ...
“We won’t blame the woman for this. And what to do in this case? If the wife is not a spiritual authority, how can she influence? Maybe leave this question to itself?
- No, you can't do it on your own.
The main thing a woman can do is her personal prayer. You can come to the priest, ask him for a rule so that the husband becomes churched, becomes closer to the Church.
There was an interesting case in my priestly practice. One parishioner, a young girl, met a guy who was a perfect atheist. He once read the Bible, but he scoffed at faith.
She comes to me and says: "Father, he is very good, I love him, but I'm afraid to associate my life with him." “You have,” I answer, “two ways: either you refuse it, or you fight for it.” - "But as?" - "We must pray." And I gave her the rule.
We talked a lot about this situation with her. “Perhaps you can instruct him somehow?” she asked. But how to instruct, if a person is a psychologist by education, writes a candidate's dissertation, is educated, well-read - you cannot argue with him. “You know, if I start to be smart, he plugs me into my belt in no time. And then I’m so ashamed… It seems that I didn’t defend my faith either, and I take offense at him,” she said.
The girl relied on the will of God, fervently prayed. I read one akathist 40 times, then a second, a third. Six months, a year has passed, and then one day this guy comes to me. He asks: “Why does she come here?” In the sense that he sincerely became interested in why she needed the Church and faith.
The girl did not peck the guy with conversations, she did not force him to go to the caves, to the Lavra. But if he asked, she answered according to her understanding. She did not try to enlighten him, but shared what she knew and felt. I advised her: “You just answer what you think. If he asks beyond your comprehension, say this: since you have so many questions, let's go to the priest.
- What should you never do in order not to cause the very opposition that you spoke about?
- The most incorrect attitude: "I will church him." Or: “I will change it. He will be different." Not a fact. In such a formulation of the question, confidence in oneself is already laid, selfhood is manifested.
To think that “I will change him” is madness, because only God can change another person. Creation cannot change creation, but God the Creator can do everything. So, you need to start by turning to the Creator.
We want to change the other person with our words, actions, suggestions, camping trips or pilgrimages. We think that we are bringing him to such and such an elder or an authoritative priest ... And the elders and fathers are not authorities for this man. Well, yes, the old man broadcasts something. So after all, you still need to read on the Internet what they write about him ...
Therefore, you need to leave dreams and tune in to work. If you love a person and want to change him, this can only be done through sacrifice. A girl, a wife, can beg with her love by sacrificing part of her strength, energy, time to pray for her fiancé or husband. And gradually, little by little, it will change. It won't happen right away, the Lord will test her faith. But then the person himself will be gradually transformed, and the whole family will receive great consolation and joy. But all this is only through work.
And with regard to actions, it will definitely be wrong to pull him to church: “you are obliged”, “you must”, set limits, conditions. You need to start praying and slowly offer, interest.
Often husbands, as I said, don't see a reason why they should go to church. The wife read the lives of the holy fathers, learned that if you confess, take communion, then you will begin to separate from sin, the Lord will give mercy, will sanctify the mind and enlighten the heart. She knows this, but her husband does not have such knowledge. If he begins to tell him, he will not pay any attention to it, because a wife for him is not a spiritual authority. Now, if he says to salt the borsch in 15 minutes, he will do it unquestioningly. Why? Because if you don’t do as she said, there won’t be borscht, but slop, and you won’t be able to eat it. And if you obey her, it will be good for the womb.
Men have more developed rational perception. So the most the best option for the wife - to find a priest who would gradually reach out to his consciousness, talk and explain.
In such cases, I invite people to a prayer service for success in business. Even the most distant man from faith, “success in business” is understandable. "How long do you have to stand?" - "15 minutes". “Oh, okay, no questions…”
So they prayed, I say a short parting word - I cling to his life, I tell him why he goes to church, what his goal may be. I'm not saying you have to, you must. But I suggest. In the Orthodox Church, the Lord Jesus Christ is our patron, helper, and role model. The Lord does not force the will, does not force, He offers: come, accept. So I say: “Do you want this and that? Not? Please…"
We must always remember: only the Lord changes people. The priest does not "set the brains", he sows. Often women, when they ask me to talk to their husbands, are afraid: “He won’t listen…” So we don’t need to listen, we need to sow. The priest sowed, the wife fertilizes with grace. Grace is given through prayer. So she quietly prays for her husband, asks God to open her heart, generously sprinkle this grain with grace.
The most important thing is to avoid coercion. Violence has no love in it. Love is long-suffering, merciful, does not envy, does not seek its own, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Where there is boundless trust in each other, love will operate.
If a husband loves his wife, he trusts her: she wants it that way, so it’s better for her, let her go to church and pray. If he sees that his behavior hurts her, he will simply come to the temple for her sake, take this step of love. And mutual sacrifice - her humble prayer and his sincere concession - will gradually intensify feelings, thereby giving the opportunity to act in the hearts of God.
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Instruction
If you want to become an Orthodox wife, then, first of all, you must take care of your moral character. After all, church ministers value in a woman not beauty, but morality.
Therefore, you must, firstly, study the Holy Scriptures, treatises of the Church Fathers on the family and other spiritual literature. And secondly, bring your wardrobe in line with religious rules. The clergy have a great dislike for women in trousers, short skirts and revealing bright outfits.
When your appearance will begin to correspond to the ideals of the future husband, you can proceed to the acquaintance itself. Marry someone who is already working priest it is impossible, therefore, you need to look for a husband among future ministers of the church, seminarian students. Many regularly gather outside seminaries to meet future priest mi. So you will not be alone in your quest.
Many future priests want to get married and take orders while already married. Seminarians live in almost complete isolation, so it is extremely difficult for them to find a wife on their own. Therefore, you will be welcomed there with great joy.
When meeting and communicating, you must remember that relations with clergy are different from secular ones. Behave modestly and restrained, as befits the Orthodox.
If you are ready to associate your profession with the church, then you yourself can enter a theological seminary at the Faculty of Religious Studies. So you can not only meet your future husband there - priest, but also after graduation to work next to him.
And finally, you can marry a deeply religious person and support him in his quest to take holy orders. In this case, you will be able to support your loved one, go with him all this difficult path from entering the seminary to preaching.
Sources:
- Questions to the abbot / Finding a spouse
The private life and life of the clergy have always been the subject of controversy and discussion. Closed from the outside world, the community lives according to its own ways, dictated by the dogmas of faith. What are the realities Everyday life modern priest?
Instruction
The path to the priesthood begins with studying at the seminary. For admission, the applicant must pass a fairly rigorous selection, including a test of knowledge and spiritual qualities of the applicant. Single or first-married males aged 18-35 are eligible to study at the seminary. Upon graduation from the seminary, the future priest receives assignment to the place of service; in this case, the graduate of the seminary does not have the right to choose.
By the time of taking the priesthood, the future priest must make a decision: accept monasticism or marry. The priest will not be able to change this decision. If a priest does not marry before taking the priesthood, then he takes a vow of celibacy.
There is another restriction on marriage for future clergy - they are forbidden to marry divorced or widowed women, women with children. The marriage of a priest can only be the only one, in the event of the death of the spouse, the priest becomes a monk.
In the families of priests, there is a strict ban on the fact that in modern world is called family planning, so families usually have many children: there will be as many children as God sent.
The everyday life of the families of priests is not much different from the everyday life of the laity, with the difference that it is unacceptable for a priest and his family to violate the rules and requirements of religion in everyday life: a priest’s wife cannot wear provocative clothes, use bright makeup, and should not be present in the house objects that are contrary to Christian norms.
The standard of living of a clergyman's family mainly depends on how well-off the parish is. Because the wage priesthood is minimal, and the income is completely dependent on the donations of parishioners, it is quite understandable that in urban well-to-do parishes the standard of living of priests is higher than in rural areas or poor parishes. Living conditions the lives of a priest are far from perfect, but this does not stop those who have chosen this path of serving people for themselves.
The working day of a priest is not standardized, at any moment he can be called to the parishioners, there is also no special talk about other social guarantees. Even not every priest has an official registration for labor, which means that not everyone can count on a pension from the state. Most priests do not have the opportunity to acquire their own housing, because at any moment they can be sent to a new parish on the other side of the country.
Almost every girl dreams of a successful marriage. To have a handsome and wealthy husband, to experience mutual love for him all his life is a normal desire. Unfortunately, it does not come true for everyone. Girls often choose the wrong men, dooming themselves to a difficult life full of regrets. And the number of divorces has increased in recent years. To avoid such an outcome of events, it is necessary to choose your life partner more carefully.
How to find a worthy life partner
Most importantly - do not rush to create a family with the "first comer." Some of the fair sex, almost from the cradle, set themselves the goal of life to get married. They are afraid to be alone. And if one of the girlfriends tied the knot before them, they start to panic and look for anyone who will offer their hand and heart.
Remember, life is not a competition with friends, everyone goes their own way. Someone gets married at 18, and someone at 30, 40 or even later. Everything has its time. The decision must be deliberate, and the man must be verified.
If you have already met your chosen one, take a closer look at him. Falling in love can make you close your eyes to many shortcomings of a person. Remember that these shortcomings will not disappear from family life.
First of all, make sure that your feelings for him are true love, and not fleeting love. This will take time. Also make sure that your partner truly loves you.
Check it out in different life situations. He must prove his love to you with real actions. Try to live together for a while to see how he behaves in everyday life. If you really feel good together, you easily share household chores, he provides you with financial plan, you have joint plans for the future, then perhaps he really is the one you need.
Ask yourself, are you ready to fall asleep and wake up next to this person for the rest of your days? If yes, then make sure that he also wants this.
To marry for love, just wait until your only man, who loves and appreciates only you, proposes to you. Tell him "yes" and your joint dreams will come true.
Why you should marry for love and not for convenience
A husband is a person with whom you will live your whole life. Imagine that you have no feelings for him. No money can be made if she is not next to her beloved.
After a while, the unloved one will become very annoying. You will notice the smallest flaws in his character, and even his virtues will begin to seem like minuses to you.
If you marry for great and mutual love, every day of your life with your husband will be filled with joy and harmony. Over time, your love will grow into a new, even deeper feeling, and you will become not only spouses, but also best friends who support each other in joy and in sorrow.
Marry only with your loved one, and only when you are confident in his devotion and sincerity, then all your dreams will become a reality.
Since the times of the USSR, a stereotype has developed in our country that a girl just needs to have time to get married before a certain age. Moreover, often it was limited to 18-20 years. Recently, views on marriage have changed somewhat, but girls still worry about the “leaving” years and because of this, they sometimes commit rash acts.
Marriage age in Russia and in modern Russia
In Russia, girls were married off very early. In the 13th century, the Pilot Book was created - a set of church rules that regulated and family relationships. It set the age of marriage for girls - 13 years, and for boys - 15 years. However, there were many cases of earlier marriages. The church tried to fight this phenomenon. Published in the middle of the 16th century, "Stoglav" allowed priests to marry girls no younger than 12 years old, boys - still from 15 years old.The reasons for such early marriages were often purely practical. For example, it was not easy for the bride's parents to feed their numerous children, and they sought to “attach” at least one of them as soon as possible. And in the groom's family, on the contrary, there were not enough working hands, and his parents gladly accepted a "worker" into the house. Of course, there could be no question of any mutual love, and marriage relations in a young family sometimes began only a few years after the wedding.
Now Russian legislation sets the age for marriage at least 18 years. However, under special circumstances, a marriage license can be obtained as early as 14-15 years old. The laws of individual constituent entities of the Russian Federation specify that “special circumstances” are late dates pregnancy, the presence of pregnancy (at least 22 weeks), the interruption of which is impossible for medical reasons or because of the desire of both parties to keep it. Permission to marry persons under the age of 16 is usually issued by a decree of the administration of the region, territory or republic.
Factors affecting marriage
However, such early marriages, today, are still quite rare. According to statistics, most girls try to get married at the age of 18-25. To some extent, it depends on the physiology, since full puberty occurs during this period. Other decisive factors may be the desire for motherhood, fear of loneliness or social stereotypes.However, it is best if mutual love becomes the main factor. After all, you can’t want to get married in an abstract way, at least a girl needs a loving and reliable man. But it is unlikely to be met "by order". In no case should you get married when there is no certainty in the chosen one. Although stubborn statistics still claim that after 30 years the possibility of getting married is no more than 7%, the solution to the problem in each case remains individual. It happens that a girl meets her fate at the age of 16-17, and it also happens that women acquire family happiness at 30, 40 and even 50 years old.
Marry billionaire seems like a fantastic unattainable dream, but in fact this desire can be realized. This is the same work as when you work on developing your career. The main thing is to have clear plan and know what to do.
You will need
- Willingness to change
- Propensity to study
Instruction
Foreign ones are still popular with Russian girls. Many of our beauties dream of getting married and going to live abroad. One of the most sought-after suitors for Russian women are the Germans. They are stable, reliable and, most importantly, attractive. That's just how to marry German?
Instruction
In order to be a German, you need to get to know him. And although finding a suitable foreign groom is somewhat more difficult than a domestic groom, this is not an obstacle for a purposeful woman.
You should not look for a future German husband in bars and discos frequented by foreigners. Although the chance to meet from abroad is great, it is unlikely that it can lead to something serious. Foreign men go to such places to have a good time and relax, and they are not looking for a wife at all.
To get acquainted with a foreign man, you can study the list of German companies operating in your city and get a job in one of them. In addition to good work, you will get acquainted with representatives of Germany, both with colleagues and with those sent to your branch. If your work involves business trips to Germany, the chance to pick up a husband will increase several times.
If you do not want to change jobs, visit exhibitions in which many foreign companies participate. Find out in which business centers there are German companies, and go to lunch in a cafe nearby, since it is likely that your chosen one dine in one of these cafes.
After you got to know the right man he needs to like it. Russian women do not have to make any extra efforts for this. Russian wives are very popular in Europe, and in Germany in particular. Europeans appreciate ladies for their beauty, homeliness, femininity. They are tired of their emancipated and are happy to marry foreign women who will give warmth to the family hearth. Therefore, in order to charm a foreign man, you must first of all demonstrate your femininity and homeliness.
Also, since in this case we are talking about being a German, it is necessary to show such a quality as practicality, since it is a national German trait. If you are used to throwing money away, try to hide it from your chosen one. On the contrary, show him how you can save money and think about your own benefit - this is a very attractive quality, from the point of view of a German.
note
Let's be honest, if you married a German for love, and not for the purpose of moving to Germany for permanent residence, then this is already a big plus and a guarantee that your relationship has a very possible future. It’s just that there are quite common cases when Russian girls marry a German, wanting to move to Germany, for this, they believe, it’s not a sin to portray both African passion and wild love.
If you want to marry a German in Germany, you will be interested to know that, unlike us, Germans make marriage contacts only after they have achieved financial independence. At the same time, relationships in which couples live together for some time before marriage are welcome. Sometimes this living together is called a "trial marriage", which allows you to find out if a partner is right for you and whether you should marry him.
. Perhaps his parents are making sure that their son does not bring a non-resident to their living space. This can lead to serious scandals. And if a young man has to make a choice between his beloved and his mother, then, most likely, he will not go against his relatives.Therefore, one of the main points that you should include in the plan in the capital is the charm of the relatives of the potential groom. In no case do not set him up to leave them, rent a house separately. This will only add to your problems. It is better to gradually rub yourself into trust in the family of your beloved. Do not try to ask for a visit until you yourself are invited. But try to always help your young man in choosing gifts for his parents. Let it be not simple knick-knacks, but a carefully selected and thought-out exclusive thing. It is better if you get to know their tastes and pick up something really worthwhile. Admiring such a gift, they will definitely ask how he managed to find exactly what they dreamed of. And here already your chosen one will say that it was you who helped him. So you will earn the first plus in your address.
Instruction
First you need to expand your social circle. If he is limited to colleagues and relatives, married friends, then it will be very difficult to find a candidate for the role of a future husband. Force yourself to have fun in public places, and not at home in front of the TV, reading a book or on the Internet. It is worth getting acquainted on the Internet, a lot of people have found their soul mates this way. There is nothing wrong. And there are much more men there than in agencies, and the atmosphere is much more relaxed. The main thing for you is to try to make your relationship real as quickly as possible.
Consider what concessions you are willing to make in future relationships. What are you willing to endure for the sake of the coveted stamp in your passport. Do you agree to an older husband? Ready to learn another language and move? Then you should expand the geography of your search and meet foreign suitors. So many women who have not been able to arrange their personal life in their homeland, found themselves successful suitors in other countries. The key to success is a good knowledge of the language and an attractive appearance. If the goal is to marry six months, consider only European suitors, American and Australian applicants are playing for time. Make a decision on time - and the fact that you are from a small city with a predominantly female population will not prevent you from arranging your personal happiness. The main thing is to be realistic and correctly assess your chances. And do not try to pretend to be a prince in a white Mercedes if your appearance and education are average. Your desire to get married as soon as possible does not allow you to go through options for a long time. But there must be a choice, in the process of correspondence, work with at least three men at the same time.
Try to choose the right moment. An ideal time for dating is when married people celebrate family holidays. On such days, single men think about a serious relationship. And they can be more easily lured into the web of marriage. So do not waste time and start realizing your dream.
The Bible says that husbands are priests in the home.
In the days of the Old Testament, God separated people so that they would bear the full burden of the ministry, were consecrated for the tabernacle. The tabernacle at that time was a place where people came to seek the face of God.
The Lord made a special covenant with the chosen tribe of Israel: “And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, Only do not enter the tribes of Levi in the census, and do not number them with the children of Israel; but entrust to the Levites the tabernacle of revelation, and all its utensils, and all that is with it; let them carry the tabernacle and all its utensils, and serve in it, and near the tabernacle let them pitch their camp; and when the tabernacle needs to be moved, let the Levites lift it up, and when the tabernacle needs to stop, let the Levites set it up; but if any outsider approaches, he will be put to death.”(Num. 1:48-51).
the priests had to constantly serve at the tabernacle: to establish it and transfer it. When God began to move, they had to take the tabernacle and go in the direction that God was moving. It was their responsibility. This is the work of people consecrated to God.Today, many men cannot take the initiative in any business, so wives have to take everything into their own hands and do something. Why do many women take action? Because their husbands are inactive. Many men are either spiritually weak or have already fallen. Unfortunately, in many families the head is the mother, not the father.
Young guys who want to start a family are not looking for a helper wife, but one who could replace their mother, who would always “drag” the family, placing responsibility on herself. Maybe someone likes it, but it is absolutely contrary to God's principle, which the Lord has established for the family.
People have lost their purpose. Many are humiliated and offended in their homes. In our time, it has become common for a woman to do hard work and a man to do light work. Responsibility is distributed incorrectly. Women raise their own families and think it's okay, while husbands don't want to do anything.
In Genesis 2:18 it says: “And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; Let us make him a helper fit for him.". We see that God created a helpmate for the man, not a mistress to rule over him. The helper can play two different roles: be either a blessing or a curse. A woman either helps build a family or destroys it. There is no middle ground.
In the second chapter of Malachi, God speaks to the priests: “So for you, priests, this commandment: if you do not obey and if you do not take it to heart to give glory to My name, says the Lord of hosts, then I will send a curse on you and curse your blessings, and already I curse, because you do not want to put your heart into it"(Mal. 2:1-2). The Lord gave a commandment in which it requires a man, as a husband and a priest, to attach his heart to the commandments. He says he will curse his blessings otherwise. How can blessings be cursed?
What should have been a blessing to him will become a curse. It looks something like this: the father gave birth and raised his children, but did not put his heart to the commandments of God. When the children grow up, instead of taking care of him in his old age and being a blessing, they will do something completely different. They will not honor him, they will leave home, they will associate with bad company, the wife will also neglect him. A family that should have been a blessing becomes a curse because the father did not seek the Lord with all his heart.
If the husband is not a priest in his house, then all his efforts and efforts will be in vain. What can be compared with the shoulder referred to above? This is something you can rely on in your life. Perhaps all your life you tried to do everything as best as possible, worked hard and hard, but today you turned out to be useless to anyone, you have no one to rely on. All your sacrifices, efforts, sleepless nights, malnutrition - everything seems to be thrown in your face. “And you will know that I gave this commandment to keep my covenant with Levi,” says the Lord of Hosts. My covenant with him was a covenant of life and peace."(Mal. 2:4).
God's covenant with man as a priest is a covenant of life and peace. God has ordained for us to live in the world. Let every man ask himself the question: “What is my life like as a priest in the house?” Is it life in peace or constant war? The following is the covenant: "... and I gave it to him for fear, and he feared me and revered my name".
God gave this covenant, laid the responsibility for the husband, as a priest, to have the fear of the Lord, reverence for Him, then there will be peace in the house, blessings. God gave all this so that you can live happily and blessedly. The first place in your life should be the Lord.
“For the mouth of the priest must keep knowledge, and they seek the law from his mouth, because he is the messenger of the Lord of hosts” (Mal. 2:7). Leading is the order of organization in all spheres of human life, the course of which is determined by the Lord. It is not the wife who should determine the conduct of the house, but the husband. Husbands should not be weak, upon whom nothing can be laid. They must follow the right course in which the whole family will move.
Husbands, what do your lips hold today? Maybe your job is to buy a car? And do you spend all your time in the garage or at work? But this is a false concern for the family. Then you will lose everything in your life. When the husband's lips do not keep the truth, he is humiliated and insulted, because the wife always expected some action from him, but he did nothing. And she began to do as she herself understood it. She took on the burden for her husband and for herself. And then the husbands wonder why there is no respect.
Ask the husbands who have lost their dignity, what is the reason for this? They will answer: “Because the wife is bad, and I am not like that.” But this is not an excuse, he himself became such, and his wife has nothing to do with this. If the husband had been a priest in the house, kept knowledge, taught the law, his heart had been attached to the Lord, then everything would have been different with him. The cause of many problems in life is the irresponsibility of men. If you blame your wife, believing that she has not done something for you, then know that you should not take it from the wife, but from the Lord. pastor of the Church of Grace in Kirovo-Chepetsk
"... Submitting to one another in the fear of God... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, to sanctify her, having cleansed her with a bath of water through the word; to present her to Himself a glorious Church without spot or vice, or anything like it, but that it be holy and without blemish. Thus should husbands love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms her, as the Lord is the church, because we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and the Church. So let each one of you love his wife as himself" (Eph. 5:21, 25-33).
"And you fathers, do not provoke your children, but bring them up in the teaching and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4).
I want to ask you brothers and sisters: are you really happy people? Brothers, do you think your wife is happy to be married? Sisters, are you really your husband's helper? And he's being pulled home? Does he run home because you are at home? Or is he running away from home because you are at home? Think: are you happy or unhappy people? Many of you started your family life in the House of God at the altar of the Lord.
On May 25, 1975, I promised the Lord that I would love my wife all my life and be faithful to her. I remember this day and hour. I was a really happy person. I remember when the marriage ended and my wife and I were left alone, the Lord touched our hearts with His Spirit, and we simply repeated once again what God expects from a man and what God expects from a woman. And before God, without witnesses, we once again made a promise how we want to live.
At that moment, we stood on the biblical platform, telling the Lord how we want to feel about childbearing, ministry, material giving, and much, much more. It was like a second combination. Nobody laid hands on us, but my wife and I knelt down and prayed to the Lord. I still feel that warmth and closeness of God. Sometimes I ask my wife a question: is she happy or unhappy?
Some people gave up, they no longer believe that it is possible to be happy. Recently, I was preaching about the love of a wife for her husband and received a note: "What love is there ... I can hardly restrain myself from killing my husband!"
Official statistics say that women killed 14,000 men in Russia last year. 14 thousand wives killed their husbands!
Scripture says that the responsibility for the family lies with the man. Let's now take a serious look at what the Bible says to men.
I think that a man in a family should perform three functions: firstly, he should know and remember that he is a priest, he should first be a husband and only then a father: this is the biblical order.
Priest
What should a priest do? The priest had to make sacrifices. Remember the book of Job? Taking care of his family, the priest Job made sacrifices and prayed, saying: "Maybe my children have sinned in something ...". One of the sacrifices expected of a priest as the head of a family is to offer a sacrifice of praise to God, a sacrifice of thanksgiving for one's family.
Men, have you thanked God today for your wife, for your children? Maybe you are now thinking: "It's impossible to give thanks for such a wife..." But I want to say that you are sinning if you don't. And if you continue to do this, then your wife will become even worse. It is right to thank God for your wife. Some men, however, begin to understand this only when the wife has died.
One husband was always dissatisfied with his wife. No matter how she comes home, she sits and sits. Yes, what is it?! True, the house is tidied up, the food is cooked, his trousers are ironed - everywhere perfect order. But then his wife dies. And after a while he notices: he has a mountain dirty dishes, a pile of unwashed linen, dinner is not prepared ... And now he begins to understand that his wife did all this in his absence. She was a wise wife: she tried (cooked, washed, tidied up) so that by his arrival there would be full order. After all, not every man likes it when his wife starts a big laundry or cleaning in his presence.
The responsibility of a man as a priest is to thank God for his family, wife and children. Our responsibility is to intercede before God for our wife and our children. I want to ask you: did you do this today? Brethren, begin to do this with perseverance, every day.
For myself, it is a great pleasure to be grateful for my wife and my children. I call everyone by name, I know their problems, their experiences, I intercede for them before God. Once a brother showed me this good example of prayer, and I am very grateful to God for this.
Somehow, when the children were still small, I come home, and my wife says: "It was difficult. They have such a character - it's something!" He starts to tell me - we are going through. Well what can we do? I remember how many times I got up at night when no one was listening, just went to the baby's crib, knelt down, put my hands on the head of my boy or girl, and prayed. I said: "Lord, I am powerless to do anything. I have such experiences. This Small child… He is so stubborn… He grows up selfish! Bless him! Give us wisdom, help us to love him."
Then, when the children grew up, I told them about it.
Maybe you have already given up and you don't know what to do. I want to advise you: fathers, it is our responsibility to offer a sacrifice of praise and a sacrifice of thanksgiving for our wife and our children. And when we start doing this, we will see how good they are. A priest must take care of his family so that God's salvation can be accomplished in his house.
I really like the passage of Scripture where it says about Noah. At that time the whole earth lived in sin. Sin multiplied, and God in His plan chose to destroy everything that had the breath of life. But God told Noah that he would not die: "...I will establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the ark..." But Noah had a family. And God says, "and your sons, and your wife, and your sons' wives with you" (Gen. 6:18).
Can you imagine this happy person? He was a priest in his house. In the book of Hebrews we read that Noah, "with fear, prepared an ark for the salvation of his house" (Heb. 11:7). He did not forget that he is a priest, and I am sure that he prayed for his wife, for his sons, for his daughters-in-law. And at a crucial moment in his life, when God was evaluating his priesthood in the home, God said, "You will be saved!" Why? Because Noah had a reverence for God and for His Word.
Men, fathers, are we priests? This is very responsible. In the Old Testament we read that the care of the priest of the house was to keep the family from destruction. The doorposts and crossbars had to be anointed with blood so that the destroying angel would not strike anyone in the house - this was the duty of the priest. It is our duty to have everything in our home speak of our priesthood.
First of all, a man is not a father, but a husband. This is very important to understand. In the book of Genesis we read that when God created the first family, God gave the husband a task: he was to tend the garden and guard Eve. But Adam missed it. He did not even notice how the devil in the form of a serpent came to Eden and talked to his wife...
Today, the role of every husband in relation to his wife is to protect and protect. Are we doing it, brethren? Today, the main sin of men in families is irresponsibility and inaction, and through this a very strong defeat occurs. The Bible tells us that husbands should love their wives.
The Bible also says that the man is the head of the wife. Some, however, misunderstand this and become not the head, but the leader of the family. Husbands, ask your wives: Does your wife believe that you love her? What is the proof of your love for her for her?
We are very different people: men are not very talkative, but the wife needs to talk. And when a man comes home from work, his wife really wants to talk to him. I want to ask: men, when was the last time we set aside a special time to sit next to your wife and talk to her, show care? Ask how she is spiritually? And what about the heart? Maybe some experience? To take care of his wife, to pay attention to her, to protect her, to protect her, to keep her - this is what God has determined for a man, this is what a man is obliged to do.
Love always starts with giving. And in the Gospel of John (3:16) we read: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life." And if God just said, "People, I love you!" but did nothing, how would we know that He loves us? He gave the most precious! And I am sure that every woman expects this from her husband. Sometimes it is easier for a man to give his wife a present than to give himself to his wife. Many men are like a closed garden: they do not let their wife into the world of this garden. It is easier for them to bring a bouquet of flowers to their wife than to give her themselves and their time. But a wife becomes happy and knows that her husband loves her only when she is dedicated to her husband's life, when she is a part of her husband's life.
Sometimes in the men's circle I heard men criticize their wives. This is very annoying. And I would like to advise all men: never criticize your wives in front of others, do not humiliate your wife in public. It's wrong, it's not biblical. sign strongly loving husband who really fulfills the Holy Scriptures ("Husbands, love your wives and do not be hard on them" - Col. 3:19), - a soft heart, soft hand and soft tongue. We men must realize the right of our family to participate in our lives.
I worry that many men are not really heads of families. And not even because the wife wants to be the head, but because they do not want to take responsibility for themselves. Sometimes children ask their father something, and he says: "Go, ask your mother!" If there are problems, mom will answer. He does not take responsibility. Why think? After all, he is so busy: reading a magazine, or a newspaper, or ... In general, he is the head of the family. He only gives instructions.
There are many children in our family. And I know what it's like when their mother runs out of strength. I often saw my wife was exhausted. And then my responsibility was: to help her in sleepless nights when the child is sick, and just pray for her.
Sometimes men complain that they cannot be the head of the family because their wives claim this headship. But real power in the family depends on our submission to God. And this is a problem for many men. The Bible says, "Christ is the head of every man" (1 Cor. 11:3). Many men know that they are supposed to be the head of the family, but they have almost forgotten that there is also a Head above them: Christ. And, if they are not subordinate to Him, then they complain about the obstinate nature of their wife, about many other things... But when there is no submission to God, then it is difficult to be a spiritual leader in one's family.
Father
I also want to say about the position of men as fathers in the family.
I notice that many fathers have lost their families. In these families there was a "civil" war: on one side the wife and children, on the other side - the husband. The wife turns the children against the father ... This is very, very a difficult situation. Men rarely cry, but I have seen men cry because they lost their children.
Once a father came to me. He confessed and said to me: “My son, who was seventeen years old, came up to me and said: “Father, I want to tell you something. Now for the last time in my life I call you father. You are no longer my father. I've been waiting for you all my life, I needed you. I remember only one moment in my life: it was winter, you made a slide, you and I sat on a sled together, and the sled turned over. We flew head over heels down, and you took the sled, lifted me up in your arms, pressed me to you, and together with me went up the hill. How my heart beat! I was the happiest in the world: I have a father who loves me, who carries me in his arms! I have been waiting for you all my life ... You are not my father!
One evangelist, wishing to convey to young people the love of God as God the Father, said: "Young people! God wants to be your Father!" Then one young man in the hall stood up and asked again: "God wants to be my father? Yes, I hate my father! And if God is like my father, I don't want such a father!" In the concept of this young man, a father is something bad, something terrible.
Fathers, do you have contact with your children? Do you have time for your children?
In one family, dad was a very businesslike and busy person. He often said to his wife: "You yourself should pray with the children somehow!" And then he repairs the car, then he wipes it, then he is somewhere else ... Well, he is very busy! And somehow one child before night prayer says to his mother: "I will not pray!" - "How can you not?" - "I won't." "But you won't go to heaven!" - "I'll get there. Dad doesn't pray either, but he'll get to heaven." That evening, the wife had a very serious talk with her husband. Thank God, he understood everything and repented.
This is a very serious problem. Fathers, what do you expect if you do not pray with your children, with your wife? What do your kids think when they hear the word "father"? Does the image of a caring, gentle, loving person who protects, protects, guards, who is really a priest, husband and father?
There are questions we must answer before the Lord: What example am I setting for my family? Am I giving my children, my wife, an example of eternal values? Am I making compromises for the sake of material prosperity? What in my family worries me the most?
Today, voices are often heard: oh, well, we have young people ... And who is to blame? Who is to blame that there is a problem of "fathers and sons"? We criticize the younger generation, but in many cases the older generation is to blame. And this is our responsibility.
Maybe someone feels defeated, maybe someone hurts when he thinks about his family, maybe someone is very sad and thinks: "It didn't work out..."
Men! Approach your wife, your children, and if you feel guilty, take courage, say: "I'm sorry for God's sake! I'll start differently! I want to be a priest, I want to be such a husband and father, as the Scripture teaches!" Do this in order not to perish, in order to lead the whole family to salvation. There's a lot more to fix - today is a day of grace.
Think about it, if all families were like yours, what kind of church would it be? The church cannot be good if the families are bad. Sometimes some people think: "I'll go to church. I'll have a rest. I'm already tired in the family ..." And if all families are like that? Where then to rest? Only to create visibility? Play in a play called "Happy Marriage"?
It is very difficult to pretend that you are doing well when the sky is covered with clouds. You don't have to deceive yourself. And, if we have violated these biblical principles somewhere, we must say to our loved ones and God: "Forgive and help." It's real: God wants us to be happy people.
Let's pray that the biblical standards of a Christian family (you can even write with a capital letter - the Christian Family) are in each of our families and that we are actually happy people.
Is your family happy? On whom does family happiness depend? Very often they talk about the role of a woman as the guardian of the family hearth. But let's talk about men today.
Someone interestingly remarked: "To be a male person is a matter of birth, and to be a man is a matter of decision." The poetess sings the role of a man like this:
In a beautiful name - a man
There was courage and to become,
Ability to think and dream
Be inspired and be strong
Know how to appreciate, know how to give
Love and friendship without fail
And to be a support for the family,
And a true example for children!
I want to ask you brothers and sisters: are you really happy people?
Brothers, do you think your wife is happy to be married to you? Someone interestingly remarked: “Marriage is not a marital status. This is a medal. It's called "For Courage".
Sisters, are you really your husband's helper? And he's being pulled home? Does he run home because you are there? Or is he running away from home because you are at home?
Think: are you happy or unhappy people? Many of you started your married life in the House of God at the altar of the Lord. And then they felt happy, but how are they today?
Unfortunately, this is not a figurative parable, today some couples also gave up, admitted doubts that their marriage was a mistake, and do not believe that you can be happy!
The Word of God says that an extremely great responsibility for the family lies with the man. Let's now take a serious look at what the Bible says to men.
According to Scripture, a man in a family should perform three functions:
- firstly, he must know and remember that he is a priest,
- secondly, he must be a husband and only then - a father.
It is these priority roles that the Holy Scripture assigns to a man.
Priest
Let's first deal with what it means to be a priest. Who is a priest?
Malachi 2:7 says, "For the mouth of the priest must keep knowledge, and seek the law from his mouth, for he is the messenger of the Lord of hosts."
1. Maintain Awareness - Knowledge
2. They seek the law from His mouth
3. He is the messenger of the Lord
The word priest in Latin means "builder of the bridge". So the priest is the one who builds the bridge!
Why are bridges built? To connect two shores: the shore of the family with the shore of God. How should it be done? First Timothy 2:6 says, “I desire therefore that men pray in every place, lifting up clean hands without anger or doubt.” The modern translation of this passage: "... I want men everywhere and everywhere to raise their hands in prayer with pure thoughts without anger and disputes."
We turn to the answer to the question, what should a priest do?
The priest had to make sacrifices. What are the victims?
1. Burnt offering. It is a sacrifice when we consecrate ourselves to God. The victim of the renewal of the Covenant for himself, for his wife, for his children.
2. Sacrifice for sin and guilt. This is a sacrifice of confession, repentance, leaving sin for oneself, for a wife, for children.
3. The sacrifice is peaceful. This is a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving for yourself, for your wife, for your children.
These are the sacrifices expected from the priest daily at the family altar, morning and evening.
An example to follow is the biblical hero, Patriarch Job. See what he is like and how he acted as a priest, husband and father of a large family?
Taking care of his family, the priest Job made sacrifices and prayed, saying: “Maybe my children have sinned in some way…”.
One of the sacrifices expected of the priest as the head of the family is to offer God a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving for his family. Men, have you thanked God today for your wife and children? If you don't, then I want to tell you that you are sinning. You need to repent today. Some men, however, begin to understand this only when the wife is no longer alive.
It is also our responsibility to intercede before God for our wife and our children. I want to ask you: did you do this today? Brethren, begin to do this with perseverance, every day.
I will give an example of another biblical hero: a priest, husband and father - Patriarch Noah. At that time the whole earth was living in sin, and God in His plan made a decision to destroy everything that had the breath of life. God told Noah that he would not die: “...with you I will establish my covenant, and you will enter into the ark ... and your sons, and your wife, and your sons' wives with you” (Gen. 6:18).
Can you imagine this happy person? Noah was a priest in his house, he was an authority for his family: for his wife, sons and daughters-in-law. They built the ark with Noah, they believed what God told him to build. I would like everyone to ask themselves the question: “If I started building a model of a spaceship in my yard, and would tell my family that God told me to build this ship, and on it I and everyone can fly into space, Would my wife and children believe me? Would they build with me? Would they come with me to the ship? That is the question.
I will give a negative example of Lot, who was not a priest for his family and did not enjoy authority in it. As a result, firstly, the family members did not believe him, and secondly, he hesitated to fulfill the Word of God and leave the city. Well, in the end, Lot left behind only shame and two warring peoples.
Men, are we priests? In the Old Testament we read that the care of the priest of the house was to keep the family from destruction. The doorposts and crossbars had to be anointed with blood so that the destroying angel would not strike anyone in the house - this was the duty of the priest. It is our responsibility that everything in our home should speak of our priesthood.
Husband
Dear sisters, let's try to draw a portrait of an ideal husband. So, the ideal husband: kind, attentive, sympathetic, caring, devoted, spiritual, sociable, athletic, smart, wise, cheerful. I will add one more thing: "an ideal husband is the husband who has an ideal wife."
Is there an example of an ideal husband in the Bible?
- Adam? Blamed Eve for everything;
-Abraham? Disowned his wife twice
- Isaac? He also disowned his wife
-Jacob? Polygamist
- David? No comments!
- Solomon?- especially!
And yet, we must strive for the biblical ideal. And what is he?
A man is, first of all, a man. This is very important to understand. In the book of Genesis we read that when God created the first family, God gave the husband a task: he was to tend the garden and be close to Eve. But he did not even notice how the devil in the form of a serpent came to Eden and talked to his wife...
Today, the role of every husband in relation to his wife is to protect and protect. Are we doing it, brethren? Today, the main sin of men in families is irresponsibility and inaction.
What does the Bible say and advise husbands today?
First, “Love your wife as Christ loves the church” (Eph. 5:25:28). And how did Christ love his Church? He gave himself up for her!
Husbands should love their wives as their bodies, as themselves. The Bible also says that the man is the head of the wife.
Love always starts with giving. And in the Gospel of John (3:16) we read: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life." What if God just said “People, I love you!” but did nothing for us? But He gave the most precious thing! Every woman expects this from her husband. Sometimes it is easier for a man to give his wife a present than to give himself to his wife. But a wife becomes happy and knows that her husband loves her only when she is dedicated to her husband's life, when she is a part of her husband's life.
We are very different people: men are not very talkative, and the wife needs to talk. And when a man comes home from work, his wife really wants to talk to him. I want to ask: men, when was the last time we set aside a special time to sit next to your wife and talk to her, show care? Ask how she is spiritually? Maybe some experience?
To take care of his wife, to pay attention to her, to protect her, to protect her, to keep her - this is what God has ordained for a man.
Here is another sign of a deeply loving husband who truly fulfills Scripture: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be hard on them” (Col. 3:19).
My dear brothers! Who among us can boast that he has never been rude or harsh with his wife?
There is a wonderful quote so that men can think: "Even if you are 1000 times right, what's the point if your woman is crying."
The Bible says it this way: “Husbands deal wisely with their wives, showing honor as with the weakest vessel, as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).
If a husband wants his wife to be a queen, then the husband must be a king.
And one more biblical advice to husbands: “The husband shows his wife due favor” (1 Cor. 7:3-4).
Father
True fatherhood is about more than just having children. Fatherhood is responsibility, dedication, service, sacrifice and personal example.
Someone interestingly remarked: “Bringing a person to Jesus Christ means more than reproducing him into the world. Happy is the parent who not only reproduces the child into the world, but then leads him to eternal life. Then he will be his parent TWICE."
In the Bible, we find the following instruction, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
Unfortunately, many fathers have lost their families. In these families, there was Civil War”: on one side is a wife with children, on the other side is a husband ... This is a very, very difficult situation. Men rarely cry, but I have seen men cry because they lost their children.
Once a father came to me. He confessed and told me: “My son, who was 17 years old, came up to me and said: “Father, I want to tell you something, now for the last time in my life I call you father, you are no longer my father. I've been waiting for you all my life. I needed you. I wanted you to talk to me, I wanted you to play with me, I wanted you to spend time with me, I've been waiting for you all my life! I have been waiting for you all my life ... You are not my father!
Do they get the image of a caring, attentive, kind, reasonable, sociable, loving father, who really is: a priest, a husband and a father.
Men, listen carefully: if we only play the role of a husband and do not play the role of a priest and a father, then we have renounced the faith and we are worse than an infidel. If we fulfill only the role of husband and father, but do not fulfill the role of a priest, then we have renounced the faith, and we are worse than an infidel. If we perform only the role of a priest and nothing else, then we are worse than an unbeliever, because the Bible says: “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim 5:8).
If you feel guilty, take courage, go to your wife, to your children, say: “Forgive me! I want to be a priest, I want to be the kind of husband and father that Scripture teaches!” Do this in order not to perish, in order to lead the whole family to salvation. There's a lot more to fix - today is a day of grace.
Let us pray that the biblical standards of a Christian family would be in each of our families and that we would actually be happy people.
Fedor Koltuk
New hope | February 2016