You rest your elbows on the table during dinner and understand the importance of a good, firm handshake. Congratulations! You are a well-mannered person. But do you know which hand you should wave goodbye to? Or what place to offer a person in the back seat of a car? There are a million little-known etiquette rules that most people break every day. Etiquette expert Joy Weaver and author of How to Be Socially Confident in Every Situation walks us through the ten most common mistakes.
YOU COUGH INTO YOUR RIGHT HAND
Covering your mouth when sneezing or coughing is a sign of good manners. Do you use your right hand? But this is bad. Your right hand is your social hand. It should be used for handshakes, gestures and air kisses. Yours left hand, meanwhile, is not called a “personal” hand for nothing. This is the hand you should use when coughing, scratching, sneezing and everything else we don't want to talk about. The reason for the difference is simple politeness. You don't want to sneeze into your hand and then absentmindedly use that palm to shake a friend's hand.
YOU CARRY YOUR BAG ON YOUR RIGHT SHOULDER AND HANG IT ON THE BACK OF YOUR CHAIR
To keep your social hand free for greeting, it's best to hold your purse in your left hand. This way, you won't have to waste time switching it to your other hand when you're about to shake hands.
(Note: Queen Elizabeth always carries her handbag in her left hand).
Also, never hang your bag over the back of your chair when you're sitting at your desk. Her place is on the floor to your right.
ALSO, YOU CALL HER “COSMETIC BAG”
This term is reserved for items costing less than $100. A makeup bag is a relatively inexpensive item. The handbag is more expensive.
YOU ARE SITING WRONG
To avoid collisions at the dinner table, always sit in a chair on the left side and exit to the right. And if you need to use the restroom while eating, never announce your intentions to everyone. Just say "sorry" and leave.
YOU SEND SALT WITHOUT PEPPER
Salt and pepper, like a little married couple. You should never separate them. Even if someone only asks for salt, the person next to them probably needs both, so they need to be together. And remember, always pass with your right hand!
YOU ARE CLAPPING INCORRECTLY
Look at celebrities at any awards show, even they greet the winners incorrectly. The right way– applaud slightly to your left, at chest height. Nobody likes clapping right in front of their own face, and even more people don’t like having someone else clap opposite them, in their comfort zone.
YOU HAVE THE BEST SEAT IN THE CAR...
The place of the most important person in any limousine is in the back and on the right. This is the space you should reserve for someone you want to show respect to. The next person in the hierarchy gets a seat to his left, while the youngest usually sits in the middle. (Note: This does not apply to riding with siblings).
...AND YOU ARE SIT IN IT WRONGLY
When landing in vehicle You should first sit down and then turn your legs. This is the most convenient way landings. As an added bonus, it prevents ladies in skirts from accidentally “exposing” themselves in front of their escorts and strangers.
YOU POINT AT YOUR FRIEND
We can point to something, but we can never point to someone. If you need to show someone across the room to your friend, you can gesture, and you should only use your open palm.
Which hand should you hold the fork in, and which hand should you hold the knife? Almost everyone knows the answer to this question since childhood. But not everyone can answer correctly how to behave in society during a runny nose. We decided to fill this gap so that this fall and winter you will be fully equipped in case of a cold.
Below we provide answers to the most common questions regarding respiratory etiquette. A well-known Ukrainian consultant on business protocol, etiquette and image, Georgy Monakhov, shared his advice.
How to properly blow your nose in public?
You need to step aside if you cannot find a secluded place. If you are sick and decide to go outside, do not forget to stock up on paper napkins, which should be thrown away immediately after use.
What to do if you don’t have a scarf at hand?
Buy a handkerchief from the nearest store or underground passage. If you don’t have time for this, then go to the toilet and use toilet paper.
Rules for dealing with a runny nose at a meeting, interview, or date.
During negotiations and meetings, you cannot get up from the table - this will be regarded as a political gesture of protest, so you need to blow your nose, slightly turning away from your partners. On a date, step aside. Because of dining table You can go to the toilet and blow your nose.
What is absolutely forbidden to do according to etiquette when you have a runny nose?
Use a dirty handkerchief in public. There should be several spare ones.
A runny nose also makes you sneeze frequently. In this regard, respiratory etiquette states: “In the absence of a handkerchief, people with a cold should sneeze and cough into the crook of their elbow, not into their palms. Sneezing or coughing into your hands leads to contamination of your hands and further spread of infection through your hands and household items.”
At the same time, it is worth knowing that the generally accepted phrase “Be healthy”, according to etiquette, can only be said to close people. This is not accepted in a business environment.
In society, it is not customary to say this phrase after someone has sneezed, since by doing so you show that you noticed it. In cases where you had to sneeze, you just need to apologize.
We use it in life
Practical life cases were shared by people whose specific work involves frequent communication with people.
“If I have a runny nose and it’s impossible to cancel a meeting, then I apologize to the interlocutor and invite him to sit away from me so as not to infect him,” said HR manager of Hexa LLC Tatyana Korshuk. “I advise you to drink more water in such situations.”
Olga Mezhenskaya, HR Director of the OSD Group Marketing Holding, also shared her advice.
“Of course, if you have a runny nose, it’s better to stay at home, but if this is not possible, then be sure to stock up on paper napkins before going out,” Olga shared her opinion. “There’s nothing worse than sniffling in public, so you should always have a handkerchief or napkins at hand.”
She also added that very convenient Japanese nasal filters are sold, which help both with a runny nose and with allergies.
“But they will be more useful as protection against viruses than at a time when a person is already sick,” she added.
Knowing these simple rules of respiratory etiquette will help you feel more confident in the event of illness. If you are healthy and are in the company of a person with a runny nose, then best advice- is to listen to the words of the brilliant Anton Chekhov: “A well-mannered person is not the one who does not spill sauce on the tablecloth, but the one who does not notice it when someone else has done it.”
If a person sneezes, he needs to say “Be healthy” - this is what we are taught from childhood. This rule exists in other cultures as well. An Englishman will automatically wish “Bless you” (“God bless you”), a German will wish “Gesundheit!” (“Health!”), French – “À tes souhaits” (“May your wishes come true”). There is even an Irish fairy tale, “Master and Servant,” about sneezing. If the person who sneezed was not told “Be healthy,” the evil hero received the right to do bad things.
But if you check the rules, it turns out that not everything is so simple. To say be healthy according to etiquette in many cases is not only inappropriate, but even indecent. Even sneezing needs to be done correctly - the more inconspicuously, the better.
Learning to sneeze according to the rules of etiquette
According to etiquette, you need to sneeze discreetly. The same rule applies to coughing, yawning or blowing your nose. There are other rules that must be followed when sneezing:
- Sneeze as quietly as possible. Some people try to make their sneezing completely silent by covering their nose with their hand. Otolaryngologists warn: this is dangerous. Such actions can lead to otitis media and even problems with the eardrum. After all, the air, which moves at high speed from the respiratory tract, does not find an exit and enters the auditory tube.” Therefore, it is still recommended to sneeze, but as quietly as possible.
- Use a napkin. It is advisable to have a handkerchief or paper napkin on hand to cover your mouth and nose after sneezing. After all, we sneeze more often if we have a cold or an allergy. The scarf, of course, needs to be absolutely clean. Don't have a napkin handy? You should at least cover your mouth with your hand.
- Cover your mouth. If a napkin is used, cover your mouth with your hand. But if you don’t have a handkerchief nearby or you don’t have time to get it, doctors advise you to sneeze while inner side elbow. This reduces the spread of germs. Etiquette experts confirm: this is an aesthetic way if you are caught off guard by a sneeze. You shouldn’t sneeze undisturbed because of health concerns, especially if a person is sick. During a sneeze, thousands of germs fly out, spreading over a distance of 2-3 m.
- Turn away from the interlocutor to the side or lean down.
- Wash your hands with soap. This is not only a standard of hygiene, but also politeness to others (especially if a person is sick).
- If a person is in a public place, he needs to apologize to his interlocutors. This also applies business sphere communication. Those present, on the contrary, must pretend that they did not notice anything. These etiquette standards originated in Europe and then began to spread throughout the world thanks to “cultural globalization.”
The phrase "Bless you" while sneezing
The wish for health appeared in ancient times. It is believed that the phrase was first used by the ancient Romans. They believed that the soul was hidden in a person’s breath, and sneezing could cause it to fly out of the body. To prevent this, the Romans said, “May the gods hide the soul back,” and over time the wish decreased.
In the Middle Ages, people were worried about plague epidemics, so they were afraid of any sneeze. If a person sneezed, they used the wish: “God help you!” The sneezing man spoke the same words. In Kievan Rus they also believed that sneezing was a dangerous condition for humans. The Novgorod chronicles contain records of fairy tales about a devil who wants to steal a child from his parents. But thanks to the fact that the parents say to the sneezing baby, “Be healthy, guardian angel,” the villain is unable to do this. The ancient Slavs used the words “be healthy” as a talisman.
Today the phrase is used as a wish for good health. Especially if a person is among relatives, friends, colleagues. Sometimes the absence of these words is even perceived as bad manners.
When is it indecent to say this phrase?
Whether it is necessary to say “Be healthy” according to etiquette depends on the situation. It is not recommended to use the wish in public places. Etiquette condemns any public comments on the topic of physiology.
Did your neighbor sneeze? You need to remain silent and pretend you didn’t notice. After all, a person wants to quietly put himself in order, and those around him look at him and turn to him. The one who sneezes becomes the center of attention. Instead of drying himself, he is forced to say “thank you” or dry himself under the gaze of people who are expecting a response.
You should also not comment on sneezing in the following places:
- in the store;
- in transport;
- at a meeting;
- at a lecture;
- in the hospital.
It is considered bad form to draw attention to an action that a person would like to leave unnoticed. Besides, not everyone wants to evoke sympathy. It is also not good to distract other people if the phrase “Be healthy” is heard, for example, during a meeting. It is permissible to hand him a napkin without drawing attention to the person.
When "Bless you" can still be said
It is believed that wishes for health are appropriate for loved ones. The phrase “Be healthy” is allowed in a narrow family circle, relatives and friends. According to etiquette, wishes for health can be used when surrounded by people whom a person knows well.
Families sometimes develop their own little traditions associated with sneezing. For example, with a short pause they say one word for each sneeze: “be”, “healthy”, “and happy”. Sometimes the wish “Grow big, don’t be a noodle” and other sentences are used.
Is it possible to say be healthy to a person according to office etiquette? In a business setting, it is recommended to ignore sneezing. But if there is a homely atmosphere and informal relationships, the wish can be used by colleagues, as well as among friends. Of course, if it doesn’t bother or annoy anyone.
If a stranger sneezes nearby, it is customary to ignore it. But if he expects to be told “be healthy,” the phrase is acceptable to use. If you have a habit of wishing for health, but you are in a public place, the words can be spoken mentally - it is believed that this also has power.
There is no such thing as too much health
Is it necessary to say the phrase “Be healthy” every time you sneeze in a familiar circle? For example, if the other person sneezes several times? After all, it would seem that there is no such thing as too much health! It all depends on the situation. In some families, for every next “sneeze” there is a wish.
Some people have a tendency to sneeze several times at once on a regular basis. A phrase said for every sneeze can be annoying. It is enough to say the wish for health once - immediately or at the end. In a public place the action should be ignored. No matter how many times a person sneezes.
If you “arm yourself” with this knowledge, the phrase “Be healthy” will always be appropriate. You will not attract attention to a person in society, and in close circles the wish will only enhance the friendly atmosphere. You shouldn’t give up your favorite phrase – the main thing is to use it appropriately.
Smile in America is official duty. He who does not want or does not know how to smile often loses his workplace. You need to follow the rule: try not to pay attention to adversity, but Bad mood and don’t take your worries out into public view, they shouldn’t be visible on your face.
A smile adorns everyone without exception. A real smile comes from the heart, but an insincere one will become immediately noticeable, turning the smile on your face into an unpleasant grimace.
As for laughter, it will beautify you only when you laugh culturedly. Laughter can very easily become vulgar and unpleasant to others. Try to laugh cheerfully and naturally, but respecting decorum.
Posture, gait
Don't stomp and shuffle your feet on the asphalt, don't wave your arms like windmill. The gait is light and springy; the legs should move, not the hips and arms. Hands move in rhythm with steps, but not like soldiers
Don’t pull your head into your shoulders, don’t lift it high up, but keep it straight. If you want to express your positive or negative attitude towards something, say “yes” or “no” rather than shaking your head as hard as you can from side to side or up and down.
How to sit
You need to sit up straight. Everything else refers to the word “impossible”: you cannot fidget in your chair, you cannot slouch, you cannot slide to the edge of the chair and clasp your hands on your knees, or sway in the chair.
People who sit with their legs spread wide and resting their palms on their knees look very ugly - this position is only suitable for rude and uncouth louts.
Remember how members of the British royal family sit in photographs, that’s who you should learn from. On modern armchairs and sofas, where you almost lie down, you can sit with your legs stretched slightly forward.
Where to put your hands?
Many people do not know where to put their hands in a given situation. There is no need to put them anywhere, let them lie quietly - on your knees or hanging freely on the sides (but not limply, like overcooked pasta).
There is no need to constantly touch your head or clothes with your hands, fiddle with your tie or twirl your keys on your hand. You should also not look at your nails, drum your fingers on the table and nudge your neighbor, daring him to say something stunning.
If you are talking while standing, do not put your hands on your hips when you are about to enter into a verbal argument with your girlfriend or boyfriend, and do not cross your arms over your chest when you are trying to explain some common truths of which you are convinced. Yes, and don't shout when talking. Some teenagers squeal so much that their ears become blocked. This is not best way attract attention.
I hope you don’t need to repeat that pointing a finger is indecent.
And one more thing. Some people like to publicly remove threads and hair from the clothes of their friends. This is extremely impolite. This action can only be performed in private and with the permission of this friend.
Is it necessary to say “Be healthy!”
Cough, yawn, sneeze and blow your nose silently and unnoticed, holding a handkerchief to your nose or mouth or covering yourself with your hand. In this case, you need to turn away from the interlocutor to the side or lean down.
We often hear: when a person sneezes, they say to him: “Be healthy!” And this is a mistake. After all, modern etiquette recommends not publicizing an act that another person would like to leave unnoticed. So, ignore the sneezing of the person present. The person who sneezed must say: “Sorry.”
Greetings
When you greet your friends and strangers, try to look at them directly, and not look away bashfully, as if you are to blame for something. Be welcoming and friendly, not only with your friends, but also with your friends’ friends and your friends’ friends. You can be more reserved with people you don’t know well, but you shouldn’t frighten them with a sullen glance from under your brows. Accompany your greeting with a smooth bow of the head, and not the entire body - once upon a time only peasant women bowed in front of the master.
A polite person will never forget to be the first to say the word “hello”; Accompany any request with the words “please”, “please”, etc.; thank him for any attention and service rendered to him and respond in kind. If he himself accidentally disturbs or causes inconvenience to someone, he will definitely say “sorry, please.”
If you can still say to your friends: “Great!” or “Hello!”, then in relation to unfamiliar people, older people, this is unacceptable. You need to say: “Hello!” or, depending on the time of day: “Good morning/afternoon/evening!” Here the question immediately arises: when is evening considered evening? Here is the schedule: Until 12 o'clock - Good morning! From 12 to 18 o'clock - Good afternoon! From 18 to 24 hours - Good evening! From 24 to 6 o'clock - Good night!
Your greeting should not be noisy. This means that you don’t have to throw yourself on your friend’s neck in the middle of the street, or wave your hand to a friend you notice on the opposite side of the street and shout: “Hi. »
Now about who says hello first. Of course, the one who is polite. Although there are rules here too. According to generally accepted rules, the first to greet is:
The following situations are an exception: a young woman or girl can be the first to say hello to an older gentleman. The person who entered the room is always the first to greet, and the walking person is the first to greet the standing person. All these rules apply to the woman entering and walking.
In Russia, two forms of address are used: “you” and “you”. In England there is only one form; in Sweden and Poland it is considered not polite enough to address strangers, especially elders or superiors, with “you”; for this, the third person form is used, for example: “Can I see the lady?” etc.
If we are talking about a third person, then it is not customary to use only the pronoun. For example, not “He knows,” but “Ivan Petrovich knows,” or between peers - “Vanya knows.”
From a very early age, children should be required to be polite in conversation. Not only about strangers, but also about parents and relatives, even if it is a sister or brother, one should not be allowed to say “he”, “she”:
“Mom asked me to tell you” (not “she said”). Try to call those present not the faceless “he” and “she”, but call them by name.
The form of address “you” speaks of a closer relationship with a person. Those who, in the heat of a quarrel, switch from “you” to “you”, thus trying to humiliate the enemy, only demonstrate their lack of self-control and bad manners.
Many people believe that to switch to “you” it is not enough to be acquaintances, you need closer friendship and cordiality. The basic rule here is this: a senior can suggest a change to “you” to a junior, and a boss can suggest a subordinate. This rule is conditional between a man and a woman. Allowing people to say “you” is a woman’s right. You need to be quite careful with an offer to switch to “you”, because refusal can cause a feeling of awkwardness, especially for the one who makes this offer.
A young man can ask his close elders to call him “you.” At the same time, he himself continues to say “you” to them. And one more thing: some, if they are higher in position, have a manner of calling everyone who is lower in rank by “you,” although the latter call them by “you.” Such bosses are tactless.
Should you say "Bless you" when someone sneezes?
When is it indecent to say this phrase? What do the masses think about this? What does the phrase “be healthy!” mean? With the words “be healthy,” when we hear that a person is sneezing, we wish him good health and do not think at all that with such a phrase we can put him in an awkward sneezing etiquette rule. We are taught politeness from early childhood, and the phrase “be healthy” in response to the sneezing of someone around us is uttered automatically. But it is worth remembering that according to the rules of etiquette, it is indecent to say “bless you” to a sneezing person.
How to sneeze according to etiquette / Forum
By our reaction to a sneeze, we show that we noticed how the person next to us sneezed. This could put him in an awkward position.
Etiquette prohibits saying this phrase, so try not to use it, especially in crowded places or at a party. When can you still say “bless you”? If you are afraid of seeming ignorant, and besides, you see that the person is waiting for you to tell him “be healthy,” then say this phrase. However, according to the rules of sneezing etiquette at the table, using them is strictly prohibited.
Why you shouldn’t say “bless you” when a person sneezes | Whispered
I’m generally silent about removing something stuck in your teeth with your fingers. If pieces of food cause severe discomfort or pain, apologize, leave the table, go to the bathroom and deal with all the troubles there. Since the weather outside is by no means amazing, getting sick now costs nothing. And even your humble servant writes this very article, sniffing and from time to time sipping from a cup of raspberry and St. John’s wort infusion. sneezing etiquette
- Why you shouldn't say "bless you" when a person sneezes
- Ask the experts at knigge.ru
- Basic rules of etiquette
- Should you say "Bless you" when someone sneezes?
- How to sneeze according to etiquette
- With the words “be healthy,” when we hear that a person is sneezing, we wish him good health and do not think at all that with such a phrase we can put him in an awkward position.
- We are taught politeness from early childhood, and the phrase “be healthy” in response to the sneezing of someone around us is uttered automatically.
Therefore, it would be useful to talk about the troubles that can happen when we have a cold, but are forced to be among people. If you feel an irresistible urge to sneeze, you need to cover your mouth and nose with a handkerchief or napkin and try to do it as quietly as possible. In most cases, we sneeze when we have a cold, have become a victim of a virus or seasonal allergies. Therefore, the scarf should always be at hand. I think it would be unnecessary to say that it should be clean. In addition, today you can buy disposable paper tissues absolutely everywhere. If, in addition to the rules of sneezing etiquette, you don’t have a handkerchief, cover your mouth with your hand.
In a circle of close people, the person who sneezed is told: However, in a business environment, etiquette dictates that you ignore what happened, as if nothing had happened. Although there is a nuance here: Etiquette dictates that you try to hold back your cough or cough as quietly as possible, covering your mouth with a handkerchief. If you are attacked by a coughing attack, you should apologize, follow a different sneezing etiquette rule, or at least move away and clear your throat. Others should not react in any way to what happened. It's worse when the cough starts during the process public speaking. Try taking a few sips of water. If it doesn’t help, don’t try to solve the problem on the spot, apologize, go out and clear your throat.
It is not customary to blow your nose in public; there are etiquette rules when sneezing, so if necessary, you should do this after going to the restroom. If you can’t stay home while you’re sick or your runny nose is a consequence of an allergy, take advantage of the achievements of modern pharmaceuticals instead of sniffling endlessly.
[email protected]: When we sneeze. According to the rules of etiquette, is it necessary to say “Be healthy!” when you sneeze?
All are living people Yawn. Then go prove to others that yawning is not caused by boredom! If you yawn in the company of loved ones, simply covering your mouth with your hand will relieve them of the etiquette for sneezing your gaping mouth. If you realize that trying to hold back a yawn carries the risk of dislocating your jaw, turn away from those around you and try to do it as inconspicuously and quietly as possible. Otherwise, leave the room and drink a glass of water in small sips or use any other method that helps you cope with this trouble.
For example, I am always saved by a method that one guide once taught: Naturally, this ritual must be performed in full sneezing etiquette. In some Asian countries, burping is not an annoying nuisance, but a rule. good manners. Thus, the guest demonstrates to the owner that he is full and satisfied and that everything was very tasty.
However, you and I are representatives of Western culture, so etiquette dictates that belching should be restrained. If you fail, then you need to do it as inconspicuously as possible. If possible, you should avoid carbonated drinks, chew food thoroughly and avoid speaking with your mouth full, as these factors provoke belching. It’s also a nuisance, especially when it happens in silence! If the etiquette rule for sneezing turns out to be so violent and prolonged that it attracted the attention of someone around you, you need to calmly and casually apologize. Flatulence, swelling of the abdomen as a result of excess accumulation of gases in the digestive tract.
Regardless of whether you are among loved ones or in a business setting, etiquette experts strongly recommend containing manifestations of flatulence. I couldn’t find any advice on what to do if you couldn’t restrain yourself, either in the literature or on the Internet. I think that it would be optimal not to reverse the rules of sneezing etiquette if trouble happened to someone around you, and to expect the same from them if it happened to you.
Etiquette is etiquette, but according to doctors, restraining the body’s natural reactions is not only undesirable, but also harmful to the rules of etiquette when sneezing. Yawning, for example, is not necessarily a sign that a person is bored or sleepy. This may indicate that the brain is starved of oxygen. And in the process of yawning, the brain is quickly saturated with oxygen. Therefore, when we fight yawning, we do not allow our brain to breathe properly. Sneezing is the body's reaction to allergens and irritants, which are expelled from the sinuses through sharp exhalation.
And if you pinch your nose and mouth too tightly, you can push bacteria back into your sinuses or middle ear and even damage your eardrum.
Why you shouldn't say "bless you" when a person sneezes
In this article we would like to tell you, our dear readers, why you should not say bless you when a person sneezes. Surely you have wished health to someone who sneezed next to you, but have you ever heard that it is indecent? Let's understand this situation together.
What does the phrase “be healthy!” mean? during a sneeze?
When is it indecent to say this phrase?
When can you still say “bless you”?
What do the masses think about this?
- People, especially older people, having learned about this etiquette rule, consider it wrong and do not want to give up their habit of saying “bless you” to a sneezing person.
- They feel ignorant when they remain silent in response to a sneeze and prefer to walk contrary to etiquette and still wish health to the person who sneezed. We won’t argue with them, because that’s their right, but it’s still worth thinking about what position we put a person in when we notice his sneeze. After all, not everyone may like our desire to be healthy in such a situation.
- Weigh all the pros and cons and decide for yourself what is more important to you: following the rules of etiquette and taking into account the feelings of others or your own habit Say “bless you” to everyone who sneezes nearby.
Now, we think you understand why you can’t say bless you when a person sneezes and you won’t do this so as not to put the person in an awkward position.
Sneezing etiquette
THE UMBRELLA NEVER DRYS when open - neither in the office nor at a party. It needs to be folded and placed in a special stand or hung.
The BAG CANNOT be placed on your lap or on your chair. A small elegant handbag or clutch can be placed on the table, a large bag can be hung on the back of a chair, or placed on the floor if there is no special chair (these are often served in restaurants). The briefcase is placed on the floor.
CELLOPHANE BAGS are only acceptable upon return from the supermarket, as are paper branded bags from boutiques. Carrying them with you later as a bag is redneck.
A MAN NEVER wears women's bag. And he takes a woman’s coat only to carry it to the locker room.
HOME CLOTHING – these are trousers and a sweater, comfortable, but having a decent appearance. The robe and pajamas are designed to go to the bathroom in the morning, and from the bathroom to the bedroom in the evening.
FROM THE MOMENT A CHILD moves into a separate room, learn to knock when entering his room. Then he will do the same before entering your bedroom.
A WOMAN MAY keep her hat and gloves on indoors, but not her cap and mittens.
According to the international protocol, the TOTAL NUMBER OF JEWELRY should not exceed 13 items, and this includes jewelry buttons. A ring is not worn over gloves, but a bracelet is allowed. The darker it is outside, the more expensive the jewelry. Diamonds used to be considered an adornment for the evening and married ladies, but recently it has become permissible to wear diamonds during the day. On a young girl, stud earrings with a diamond of about 0.25 carats are quite appropriate.
RULES FOR PAYING an order in a restaurant: if you say the phrase: “I invite you,” this means you pay. If a woman invites a business partner to a restaurant, she pays. Another formulation: “Let’s go to a restaurant,” - in this case, everyone pays for themselves, and only if the man himself offers to pay for the woman, can she agree.
A MAN ALWAYS enters the elevator first, but the one closest to the door exits first.
IN A CAR, the most prestigious place is considered to be behind the driver, a woman occupies it, a man sits next to her, and when he gets out of the car, he holds the door and gives the lady his hand. If a man is driving, it is also preferable for a woman to take a seat behind him. However, no matter where you sit, a man should open the door for you and help you out. In business etiquette, men have recently been increasingly violating this norm, using the feminist motto: “There are no women and men in business.”
SPEAKING LOUDLY that you are on a diet is bad manners. Moreover, under this pretext one cannot refuse dishes offered by a hospitable hostess. Be sure to compliment her culinary talents, even if you don't have to eat anything. The same should be done with alcohol. Why you can't drink is your problem. Ask for dry white wine and sip lightly.
TABOO TOPICS for small talk: politics, religion, health, money. Inappropriate question: “God, what a dress! How much did you pay? How to react? Smile sweetly: “It’s a gift!” Change the conversation to another topic. If the other person insists, say softly: “I wouldn’t like to talk about it.”
EVERY PERSON over 12 years of age is required to be addressed as “you.” It’s disgusting to hear our “elite” say “you” to waiters or drivers. Even to those people with whom you know well, it is better to address them as “you” in the office, but only as “you” in private. The exception is if you are peers or close friends. How to react if your interlocutor persistently “pokes” you? First, ask again: “Excuse me, are you addressing me?” If it doesn’t help, you look around in bewilderment: “Excuse me, do you mean me?” The next stage is a neutral shrug: “Sorry, but we didn’t switch to “you.”
DISCUSSING ABSENTS, that is, simply gossiping, is unacceptable. It is impermissible to speak badly about loved ones, in particular to discuss husbands, as is customary in our country. If your husband is bad, why don’t you divorce him? And in the same way, it is inadmissible to speak about one’s native country with contempt and a grimace.
"Inconvenient" etiquette
So much has been said and written about etiquette that everyone more or less educated person at least has an approximate idea of how one should behave in “decent society.” Etiquette regulates literally everything: what to wear where, how to speak on the phone, what to write and what not to write in an email, to whom to give what flowers, what specific fork should be used to eat fresh fruit...
However, imagine the situation: while sitting at a meeting, you suddenly, out of the blue, start hiccupping loudly or are overcome by a fit of yawning. What to do? Or you come to the reception, looking all chic: your dress is the right length, the heel is the right height, and your neckline is in strict accordance with the norms of etiquette. You are eating fondue or fricassee of rabbits, maintaining unobtrusive small talk, and then your body throws up a “surprise” in the form of a burp or something worse. What to do?
Agree, there are situations when not everything depends on us. What should a person do who is publicly “embarrassed”? It turns out that in this case too, His Majesty etiquette has its own unwritten rules. It’s just not very common to talk about them.
Overall
The easiest way to avoid trouble is to not get into it. That is, if you know that certain foods or drinks will cause heartburn or belching in your case, it is better to stay away from them. At least when it comes to corporate events.
If you have caught a cold and are now worried whether your constant coughing or sniffling is disturbing your colleagues, then remember that in this case the most correct decision from the point of view of etiquette is to take sick leave.
At business and corporate events, try to be extremely careful and not overdo it with alcohol.
And it is also very important: to treat everything, no matter what happens, with Olympic calm, or better yet, with a fair amount of humor.
Remember the story of A.P. Chekhov's "Death of an Official" main character who took it so close to his heart that, while sneezing, he splashed the bald head of a respected person, that at first he apologized for a long time and painfully, and then completely died of grief. And this despite the fact that the “victim” had already forgotten about this nonsense.
But if it turns out that at the party they only serve champagne, which makes you hiccup, and it’s inconvenient to refuse, time pressure at work or lack of fever prevents you from taking sick leave or... In a word, if it turns out that you “made a mistake,” let’s figure out what in such cases, what to do and how to act if something bad happens to someone else in your presence.
Table force majeure
The greatest number of unauthorized troubles happen to us in the process of eating. Moreover, in most cases this happens for reasons beyond our control.
The cherry pit rule. If you choke on a piece of food, a fish or fruit bone, cough into a napkin, use it to remove the foreign object from your mouth and roll it up, place it next to the plate. Remember: this is a case when you should not try to hold back your cough by frantically swallowing air. After all, you are literally risking your life. Believe me, it will be much less of a nuisance for others if you cough several times than if you have to pump you out or even call an ambulance.
Hot! Everyone knows that you should not blow on food. It's better to wait until the food has cooled down a bit. If you realize that it is too late to do anything because the scalding piece of food is already in your mouth, etiquette experts advise trying not to show it and taking a few sips of water or juice as quickly as possible. When you can’t bear to urinate and the food simply burns your palate, it is permissible to remove it from your mouth with a napkin.
If the food turns out to be too spicy, bitter or salty, quickly snack on something neutral: bread, potatoes, rice. When the cook has overdone it so much that it is impossible to swallow even a small piece without tears, again resort to using a napkin.
Fly in the soup. It happens that a foreign object is found in a dish: hair, insect, shell and other, sometimes very exotic finds. If you notice them in time, you should calmly remove the foreign object using utensils, place it on the edge of the plate and move it away from you or place it on a table with dirty dishes, if we are talking about a buffet table. Then simply get a new utensil or wait for the waiter to replace it. When such a nuisance happens in a restaurant, immediately call the waiter or administrator and demand that your portion be replaced. Don't ask, just demand! And in case of refusal, make an appropriate entry in the complaint book. If after the incident your appetite has completely disappeared, you can be satisfied with an “apology” from the establishment in the form of a bottle of wine or a free dessert. But, in my opinion, it’s not worth letting everything go “on the brakes,” otherwise we will never achieve a decent level of service.
Wine on the tablecloth. No one is safe from awkward movements. If you drop a piece of food on the tablecloth, you need to carefully remove it using cutlery. Blot any spilled drink or sauce stain using paper napkins. Cover the traces of the “crime” with a napkin. And be sure to apologize to the owners for the stained tablecloth.
It happens that a neighbor at the table becomes a victim of carelessness. If food or drink ends up on his suit, again, you should apologize and offer to pay for the dry cleaning. But you shouldn’t blot the stains on the victim with a napkin, sprinkle salt, or, like the hero of the movie “Office Romance,” offer to take the dress or trousers home to wash at Lotus.
When a piece of food, cutlery or napkin falls under the table, you should not dive after it. Follow the principle of “what goes around is lost” and simply ask the waiter to bring a new device.
If you manage to send a plate along with all its contents to the floor, you will still have to disturb those around you and give the service staff the opportunity to remove the food and broken dishes.
Food in teeth. Everyone is accustomed to using toothpicks in this case. However, according to the rules of etiquette at the table, using them is strictly prohibited. I’m generally silent about removing something stuck in your teeth with your fingers. If pieces of food cause severe discomfort or pain, apologize, leave the table, go to the bathroom and deal with all the troubles there.
Be healthy!
Since the weather outside is by no means amazing, getting sick now costs nothing. And even your humble servant writes this very article, sniffing and from time to time sipping from a cup of raspberry and St. John’s wort infusion. Therefore, it would be useful to talk about the troubles that can happen when we have a cold, but are forced to be among people.
"Apchhi!" If you feel an irresistible urge to sneeze, you need to cover your mouth and nose with a handkerchief or napkin and try to do it as quietly as possible. In most cases, we sneeze when we have a cold, have become a victim of a virus or seasonal allergies. Therefore, the scarf should always be at hand. I think it would be unnecessary to say that it should be clean. In addition, today you can buy disposable paper tissues absolutely everywhere. If, as expected, there is no handkerchief, cover your mouth with your hand. True, after this, in any case, you need to apologize and go wash your hands, regardless of whether you splashed your palm or there were no casualties.
In a circle of close people, someone who sneezes is told: “Be healthy!” However, in a business environment, etiquette dictates ignoring what happened as if nothing had happened.
The person who sneezed himself, unless he repeated the “feat” of the Chekhov official, should also not take any additional actions. Although there is a nuance here: in many Western cultures, after sneezing, a person says: “Sorry.”
Cough. Etiquette dictates that you try to hold back your cough or cough as quietly as possible, covering your mouth with a handkerchief. If you are attacked by a coughing attack, you should apologize, go to another room, or at least move away and clear your throat. Others should not react in any way to what happened. It's worse when the cough starts while speaking in public. Try taking a few sips of water. If it doesn’t help, don’t try to solve the problem on the spot, apologize, go out and clear your throat.
Runny nose. It is not customary to blow your nose in public, so if necessary, you should do it after going to the restroom. If you can’t stay home while you’re sick or your runny nose is a consequence of an allergy, take advantage of the achievements of modern pharmaceuticals instead of sniffling endlessly.
Everyone is living people
Yawn. Not the most pleasant “surprise,” especially if you have an irresistible urge to yawn during a report or an important meeting. Then go prove to others that yawning is not caused by boredom! If you yawn in the company of loved ones, it is enough to simply cover your mouth with your hand to save them from contemplating your gaping mouth. Business etiquette instructs you to try to hold back a yawn or yawn “into yourself” (without opening your mouth, exhale through your nose) and make an effort to avoid the characteristic sound. Yawns with a loud “sound accompaniment” are indecent no matter what kind of company you are in, as are yawns with a “sigh” that express boredom. If you realize that trying to hold back a yawn carries the risk of dislocating your jaw, turn away from those around you and try to do it as inconspicuously and quietly as possible.
“Hiccup, hiccup, go to Fedot.” Obviously, when you are “attacked” by hiccups, in polite society you should not mutter the well-known saying. If it was a “one-off”, just apologize. Otherwise, leave the room and drink a glass of water in small sips or use any other method that helps you cope with this trouble.
For example, I am always saved by a method that one guide once taught: you connect behind your back index finger right hand with the left thumb, and the left index finger with the right thumb (I don’t know why, but it was said that this is necessary), lean forward 45 degrees, take a deep breath, hold your breath, silently count to ten, swallow and exhale slowly . Naturally, you need to do this ritual completely alone.
Belching. In some Asian countries, belching is not at all an annoying nuisance, but a rule of good manners. Thus, the guest demonstrates to the owner that he is full and satisfied and that everything was very tasty. However, you and I are representatives of Western culture, so etiquette dictates that belching should be restrained. If you fail, then you need to do it as inconspicuously as possible.
If possible, you should avoid carbonated drinks, chew food thoroughly and avoid speaking with your mouth full, as these factors provoke belching.
Rumbling in the stomach. It’s also a nuisance, especially when it happens in silence! Since it is simply impossible to contain the manifestations of the “revolution” in the stomach, just pretend that nothing is happening, regardless of whether the embarrassment happened to you or someone else present. If the rumbling turned out to be so violent and prolonged that it attracted the attention of someone around, you need to calmly and casually apologize.
Flatulence(swelling, bloating as a result of excessive accumulation of gases in the digestive tract). Regardless of whether you are among close people or in a business setting, etiquette experts strongly recommend that you contain the manifestations of flatulence. I couldn’t find any advice on what to do if you couldn’t restrain yourself, either in the literature or on the Internet. I think that it would be optimal not to pay attention if trouble happened to someone around you, and to expect the same from them if it happened to you.
Is etiquette harmful to health?
Etiquette is etiquette, but according to doctors, restraining the body’s natural reactions is not only undesirable, but also harmful to health.
Yawning, for example, is not necessarily a sign that a person is bored or sleepy. This may indicate that the brain is starved of oxygen. And in the process of yawning, the brain is quickly saturated with oxygen. Therefore, when we fight yawning, we do not allow our brain to breathe properly.
Sneezing is the body's reaction to allergens and irritants, which are expelled from the sinuses through sharp exhalation. And if you pinch your nose and mouth too tightly, you can push bacteria back into your sinuses or middle ear and even damage your eardrum.
But you need to restrain your cough. Firstly, if it is called viral disease, then by coughing in public places, you are impairing the health of others. It is also recommended to restrain your cough during bronchitis, since forced removal of sputum is harmful and is fraught with the development of obstruction, so you should not allow yourself to cough.
If you have a runny nose, under no circumstances should you take everything into yourself: this risks spreading the infection to the entire nasopharynx.
Holding back belching is also not very good for health, because in this way the body is freed from accumulated gases, and by preventing it from doing this, you will cause heartburn and bloating. Doctors give a similar recommendation regarding gases.
P. S. The main thing to remember if you or your body has made a mistake in society is that what happened did not happen because you were ignorant or ignorant. It’s one thing to violate etiquette due to ignorance or simply neglect the rules of decency, and another thing when it comes to the natural needs of the body or accidental carelessness. It is not for nothing that there is even a Latin proverb Naturalia non sunt turpia (What is natural is not shameful (or, as is more often said, not ugly)).
For those who are especially sensitive, I’ll tell you one small but instructive story. During a feast with Emperor Marcus Aurelius, one courtier, tormented by gases, held on bravely for a long time and, in the end, died from stress. The emperor was so upset by the incident that he even issued an order prohibiting the suppression of natural manifestations of the body's vital functions at the table and even ordered the establishment of the cult of the god of gastric gases, Crepitus.
So try to make sure everything is fine, but don’t take it too personally if you are embarrassed. After all, as the same Anton Pavlovich Chekhov said, “A well-mannered person is not the one who will never spill wine on the tablecloth, but the one who will not notice when someone else does it.”
In Islam, it is customary to follow the rules of behavior in any situation laid down by the Prophet of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him). Sneezing, like everything important in Islam, has its own etiquette, which it is advisable for a believer to know, since many can sneeze not only in a deserted place, but also in society. In Islam, sneezing is considered a good sign indicating Allah's love for that person, for the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
إن الله يحب العطاس ويكره التثاؤب
Meaning: " Allah loves sneezing and does not like yawning "(Imam al-Bukhari). Scientists see the wisdom of this statement in the fact that sneezing indicates lightness in the body, and yawning indicates lethargy and laziness. But sneezing, which indicates the love of Allah, should not arise due to any external influences(for example, dust got into the nostrils), but on its own.
If a person is tempted to sneeze, then there is no need to hold back, but it is not advisable to raise your voice, because:
كان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم إذا عطس وضع يده أو ثوبه على فيه وخفض أو غض من صوته
Meaning: " When the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) sneezed, he put his hand or clothes to his mouth to reduce the sound "(Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi), it is ugly when a person makes loud sounds when sneezing. It is also advisable to praise Allah while sneezing, because the hadith says:
فإذا عطس أحدكم وحمد الله
Meaning: "...and if any of you sneezed and praised Allah" , this is a continuation of the hadith started above. There is no need for any unnecessary and ugly statements, as some allow themselves.
According to the madhhab of Imam al-Shafi'i (may Allah have mercy on him), it is sunnah (desirable) to praise Allah when he sneezes, but in the madhhab of Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him), some scholars believe that to praise Allah after sneezing is obligatory.
What should those around you do?
If someone nearby sneezed and said “alhamdulilah,” then it is advisable to respond with the words “Yarhamukallah,” which means “May Allah have mercy on you,” as stated in the hadith:
فإذا عطس أحدكم وحمد الله، كان حقًا على كل مسلم سمعه أن يقول له: يرحمك الله
Meaning: “If one of you sneezed and said praise to Allah, then it is the duty of the one who heard it to respond with the words: “May Allah have mercy on you.” (Imam al-Bukhari). If there is a group of two or more Muslims nearby, then an answer from one of them is sufficient. If the person who sneezed did not praise Allah, then there is no need to say anything; Ibn al-Arabi (may Allah have mercy on him) said about this:
“There is no need to answer the person who did not say words of praise to Allah; perhaps he said them very quietly, so those around him simply did not hear him.”
In this case, it is advisable to remind the person who sneezed of the praises of Allah by saying out loud “ Alhamdullilah"so that he hears and repeats.
After the person who sneezed was answered in response to his praise of Allah, it is advisable for him to say “ Yahdiyakumullah", which means " May Allah guide you", as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
فإذا قال له يرحمك الله فليقل : يهديكم الله و يصلح بالكم
Meaning: " If he (the sneezer) was told: “May Allah have mercy on you”, then let the one who sneezed say: “ May Allah guide you and improve your intentions»» (Imam al-Bukhari).
If you sneezed more than three times
If a person sneezed more three times in a row, then it is advisable for those who heard to say “ Ishfiqallah", which means " May Allah heal you”, instead of “Yarhamukallah”, for the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
فهو مزكوم إذا عطس أحدكم فليشمته جليسه ، وإن زاد على ثلاث فهو مزكوم ، ولا تشميت بعد ثلاث مرات
Meaning: " If one of you sneezed, then let the person sitting next to him answer him (see above), but if he sneezed more than three times, then let him no longer answer, because this person already has a cold"(Imam Muslim). That is, if you sneezed more than three times, then it is advisable to wish for a cure.
If you sneezed during prayer and while correcting your needs
In prayer, it is advisable to try to prevent sneezing or yawning, but if a person sneezes in prayer, let him say “alhamdulillah” with his heart, mentally. If he sneezed while correcting a small or large need, while fulfilling a marital duty, then he will pronounce praise in the same way, mentally.