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Modesty is a personality trait acquired as a result of the internalization of behavioral patterns and values of others. It is reflected in the ability to keep one's own emotional and behavioral manifestations within certain limits, to keep calm, moderation and restraint, to make minimal demands on other people and one's material and household arrangements. Modesty changes the lifestyle of a person, which provides for decency in communication, respect for decorum, leading a life without luxury.
It is believed that modesty adorns a person, presenting him without superfluous boasting, when a person’s virtues show through in actions, and rewards come without begging or demanding. Manifestations are possible in behavior through obedience to elders and humility in front of experienced ones, in clothes of inexpensive brands, discreet colors and models. Often modesty is used synonymously with shyness and timidity, but this is erroneous, even with similar manifestations, since modesty is a conscious act, choice, and other manifestations are unconscious and driven by subconscious or trauma.
What is modesty
The meaning of modesty is varied and depending on the scope of discussion, it will have its own adjustments, from the general ones there will remain undemanding and lack of desire to put oneself in the first place. In terms of arranging his life, he is characterized by a lack of desire for luxury and an understanding that insignificant resources are needed to feel comfortable. In terms of interpersonal interaction, modesty is characterized by a sincere interest in others, and more than in himself, such a person asks and listens more than talks and boasts. In addition, during communication, the dignity of all people is recognized, the rules accepted in society are manifested and observed.
Modesty is considered a character trait that allows a person to conform to the environment without attracting undue attention, in principle considering drawing attention to one's own person (by action or word, clothing or purchase) as unworthy behavior.
Many sets of rules (etiquette, decent social behavior, church approved) say that modesty adorns a person and is the most valuable trait that provides opportunities for and vision of others to learn from them, contributes to the development of kindness and, as a result, the establishment of good relationships. But modesty may not always provide positive influence in a society where some people live according to other laws, self-interest and cunning, using the modesty of others for their own benefit.
Modesty is not a character trait or, it manifests itself in behavior and reflects its certain line, and the motives for such behavior can also be different. A modest person can be from nobility or from the fact that he sincerely does not consider his merits to be outstanding, or maybe from or inability to present himself hiding behind a mask of modesty, waiting for others to present him. Many, knowing how much others value humble displays, can only partially mimic the required behavior in the presence of necessary person, on which there is to make an appropriate impression, while the rest of the time to lead brazenly and loosely. This is not true modesty, just as kindness pursuing its own selfish goals is not true kindness.
Modesty vs Shyness - What's the difference?
Modesty and shyness are often confused, and some consider these concepts to be synonymous, while being deeply mistaken. Modesty is responsible for a conscious line of behavior, and shyness refers to emotional experiences that are not subject to control. A person can be modest and not shy, as well as being shy but not modest - the two things do not go together and are not interchangeable concepts. If, while leading a modest lifestyle, a person does not show his goodness and achievements out of unwillingness, including the conscious sphere, then in case of embarrassment this will be caused by fear (to attract attention, not withstand criticism, etc.).
Shyness arises from uncertainty and such a person is more likely to remain silent and listen carefully to the interlocutor in order to correct his statements in accordance with someone else's point of view.
Modesty is always confident and a modest person listens to another out of sincere interest, and changes his mind only after the facts, and not out of a desire to please. A shy person remains open when interacting, although he does not put his personality in a priority, shyness can make a person avoid social contacts and new experiences. The first is about development and constant learning from the outside world, the second is about the fear of the new and closed doors opportunities.
Modesty can be learned or unlearned, its level and spheres of manifestation can be controlled, while shyness is a character trait and such changes will require much deeper inner work than adjusting a line of behavior. For a person to begin to be shy or stop, a series of corrective events are needed, either frustrating and traumatic, forcing them to hide, or corrective and stabilizing, helping to begin to actively manifest themselves in external environment.
Disadvantages of modesty
In many places, modesty is presented in a favorable light and as one of the most desirable qualities, but, as in any concept, there are shortcomings and difficulties that sometimes interfere with a person.
Consider who praises modesty as positive trait- usually these are people who benefit from your obedience (parents, teachers, church), those who themselves do not perceive the differences of others and strive to create a gray society that does not stand out. Once upon a time, such a strategy of behavior helped to survive, because even in the days of socialist power (and this generation of our grandmothers) it was dangerous to stand out, and all the benefits and skills were hidden, because they could entail punishments incompatible with life.
But modesty does not contribute to one's own promotion and realization - look at everyone famous people, read their biographies - they all loudly declared themselves and their skills, at every corner, until, finally, they were heard, and when they became noticeable, they grabbed the opportunity that presented itself, but modestly refused. Excessive modesty ruins a career, while such a person helps others, is silent about his successes, a less effective and less modest employee receives another raise and an increase in salary. Their projects are recognized as the best simply on the basis that often no one knows about the ideas of modest people or learn from indiscreet friends screaming about the availability brilliant idea from their friend.
How to get rid of modesty
Having analyzed own life you may encounter that it is precisely the negative aspects of the manifestation of modesty that the majority and then becomes topical issue how to get rid of it, but it will be more natural not to completely eradicate, but to reduce the number of manifestations or identify the most suffering areas and work with them. The influence reduction approach is less traumatic for the psyche, since with a complete and abrupt restructuring, there is a high chance of a quick return to the previous state. It is best to initially get to the bottom of the causes of excessive modesty, to understand whose words have sunk into the soul from early childhood and to correlate these requirements of behavior with the current situation in life. If grandma spoke of modesty as best line girls to get married, and you have developed her in communicating with men to such an extent that you have become an invisible or cold wall, then think about whether your grandmother meant this level and whether the requirements for men now are the same as then.
Try to express yourself more often, express your opinion - even if you make a mistake, everyone will disagree with you, you will have to defend your position for a long time, speak anyway. You can try talking to strangers, and if you know that you always give up the leading role in a conversation, then specially start communication first. The fear of losing people's favor is easily leveled by your smile and a direct statement that you are pleased to communicate or it is interesting to hear a different opinion from yours. As well as when communicating, try to show exactly your own - in clothes and choice of places, listening to music and emotional reactions. There is no crime in going out in a short skirt or a yellow scarf, laughing at an important meeting or rejoicing loudly in a quiet place - perhaps by your example you will liberate a few more people nearby, and thanks to the manifestation of your individuality, they will pay attention to you. And here's what's important - those who are interested, such as you, real, and not feigned, will pay attention, which can open up new opportunities.
In yourself, with small overcomings every day - you don’t need to immediately climb onto the stage and tell the audience of many hundreds what a wonderful person you are, but be the first to meet a few people, tell at work what you came up with new project, tell casual acquaintances at a party about your occupation and about yourself as an excellent professional - those things, the practice of which every day will help overcome both excessive modesty and problems associated with your invisibility.
Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
- Modesty gives freedom - from self-confidence and vanity.
- Modesty makes it possible - to learn from the people around you, adopting them best qualities.
- Modesty provides independence - from excessive comfort and luxury.
- Humility provides an incentive - to achieve more; a humble person believes that before people appreciate him as a person, he must achieve results in his business.
Humility in everyday life
- Hearing. A person who loves and knows how to listen with sincere interest to the interlocutor is modest.
- Concessions. Yielding in ordinary everyday situations, a person shows modesty and respect for others.
- Charity. A person who does charity work and does not advertise it demonstrates a number of virtues; modesty is one of them.
- Family education. Raising in the child a sincere interest in the people around them, and suppressing manifestations of selfishness, parents bring up modesty in him.
How to achieve modesty
- Modesty is largely the result of upbringing and the result of inner work person above him. Modesty is controlled by a person, and it can be cultivated in oneself, avoiding vanity in every possible way.
- Relations with relatives. Showing respect and reverence for elders, interest in equals and concern for younger ones, a person develops modesty in himself.
- Interest in the people around you. A modest person is sincerely interested in others; each of them has something to learn. Being interested in people and not sticking out his own “I”, a person learns modesty.
- Help for those in need. Helping those who need it, and not expecting return in the form of glory, a person shows modesty.
- Indulgence for mistakes. A modest person does not boast of education and does not point out to others their miscalculations; whether it be ignorance of some literary quotation or incorrect choice cutlery to eat fish.
Golden mean
Vanity | complete absence modesty
Modesty
Self-deprecation | absolute modesty, the flip side of pride
Popular expressions about modesty
Often modesty is mistaken for weakness and indecisiveness, but when experience proves to people that they were mistaken, then modesty gives new charm, strength and respect to character. - Leo Tolstoy - Modesty suits any young man. - Russian proverb - Modesty is the adornment of wisdom. - Japanese proverb - Modest is not the one who is indifferent to praise, but the one who is attentive to censures. - Jean Paul - Just Jean Roy, Joseph Francois Michaud / History of chivalry The book is about real knights - humble, faithful, virtuous, about knightly ideology, morality and education system. Modesty is the subject of the second chapter of the book. Fontenot M., Jones T. / A Primer of Modesty for the Proud Soul A book about the strength of the spirit, the source of which is modesty and curbing the sin of pride. A practical guide for the awakening of virtue.Friday, 13 Feb 2015
Modest - moderate in all requirements, humble; meek and undemanding for himself; not putting his personality in front, not dreaming about himself; decent, quiet handling.
Explanatory Dictionary of the Russian Language by Vladimir Dahl
Modesty is the absence of a desire for luxury; for a modest person, a little is enough for comfort.
Humility is the lack of intention to exalt oneself; a modest person is sincerely interested in others no less, and often more than himself.
Modesty is respect for the norms of morality and morality accepted in society.
Humility is the willingness to acknowledge and respect the virtues of others.
Benefits of modesty
Modesty gives freedom - from self-confidence and vanity.
Modesty makes it possible to learn from the people around you, adopting their best qualities.
Modesty provides independence - from excessive comfort and luxury.
Humility provides an incentive - to achieve more; a humble person believes that before people appreciate him as a person, he must achieve results in his business.
Humility in everyday life
Hearing. A person who loves and knows how to listen with sincere interest to the interlocutor is modest.
Concessions. Yielding in ordinary everyday situations, a person shows modesty and respect for others.
Charity. A person who does charity work and does not advertise it demonstrates a number of virtues; modesty is one of them.
Family education. Raising in the child a sincere interest in the people around them, and suppressing manifestations of selfishness, parents bring up modesty in him.
How to achieve modesty
Modesty is largely the result of upbringing and the result of a person’s inner work on himself. Modesty is controlled by a person, and it can be cultivated in oneself, avoiding vanity in every possible way.
Relations with relatives. Showing respect and reverence for elders, interest in equals and concern for younger ones, a person develops modesty in himself.
Interest in the people around you. A modest person is sincerely interested in others; each of them has something to learn. Being interested in people and not sticking out his own “I”, a person learns modesty.
Help for those in need. Helping those who need it, and not expecting return in the form of glory, a person shows modesty.
Indulgence for mistakes. A modest person does not boast of education and does not point out to others their miscalculations; whether it be ignorance of some literary quotation or the wrong choice of cutlery for eating fish.
Golden mean
Vanity, arrogance | total lack of modesty
Modesty
Self-deprecation | absolute modesty, the flip side of pride
Popular expressions about modesty
Excessive modesty is nothing but hidden pride.
- A. Chenier -
One must beware of bringing modesty to the point of humiliation.
- A. Bakikhanov -
Achieve modesty if you want to achieve wisdom. Increase modesty if you have already attained wisdom.
- E.P. Blavatsky -
Be humble - this is the kind of pride that irritates those around you the least.
- Jules Renard -
Rev. Macarius of Optina / Letters of Rev. Macarius of Optina. About humility, self-reproach and patience of sorrows
The Monk Optina Elder Macarius during his lifetime was an example of special modesty and humility. And his letters to the laity are imbued with the same spirit of acquiring true Christian virtues.
Fyodor Dostoevsky / Poor people
Dostoevsky's novel "Poor People" is interesting not so much for its social pathos as vividly modest official Makar Devushkin, which the author managed to reveal in all its glory and nobility of his soul, using the form of correspondence between the hero and his beloved.
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Modesty is a personality trait characterized as a lack of desire for honors.
Modesty is a positive personality trait that manifests itself in relation to oneself, and not in relation to other people. Almost always, modesty is directly proportional to talent. Modesty, unlike indiscretion, knows how to listen, perceive new
Modesty is sincerely interested in others, respects the norms of morality and morality accepted in society.
Modesty gives freedom from vanity, provides an opportunity to learn from others, adopting their virtues. A modest person is characterized by another positive quality - he is not intrusive in communication.
If a Modest person sees that someone is not satisfied when communicating with him, he will try to avoid contact.
Modesty does not disturb other people by their behavior. Modesty should not be confused with being downtrodden and soft-bodied.
Modesty is, above all, a developed sense of self-worth
Another concept parallel to Modesty is Downtroddenness. Downtroddenness arises from the fear of losing something serious. Downtroddenness is an extreme manifestation of modesty. Modesty cannot be used for selfish purposes. Modesty has its own purpose and therefore it can always politely refuse. Modesty adds nothing of itself to learned truth.
Modesty knows how to explain, because modesty does not get nervous when a person does not understand, but continues to patiently state his confident point of view in a friendly manner.
Often in society, the concept is fixed that modesty is weakness and indecision, but experience and facts prove to people that this is a mistake. Humility is Strength and Respect for character.
The one who deeply explores his inner self finds mistakes in himself and willy-nilly becomes Humble. He is no longer proud of his knowledge and does not consider himself superior to others.
Scale of values andextreme manifestations: > > >
Strong man, modest and devoid of Pride, he does not need honors and glory. The ability of modesty to listen and hear the other person is extremely important for relationships in family life. If the spouses know how to listen to each other's opinion, then the family is a single whole, which means that it is based on mutual respect. The egoist does not listen to anyone, and no one wants to listen to him. To reach the state emotional Happiness, Goodness - character property Modesty is extremely important!
Modesty in Esoteric Views
A modest person is, first of all, a peaceful person. However, a peaceful person can be far from modest and, as you know, there are devils in a still pool. Humility is very different from humility. Humility means victory over anger, a person perceives all incoming information humbly, scold or praise him - he will react equally humbly.
Humility - top quality A saintly person, she automatically assumes the presence of modesty. Humility doesn't have to be humble.
Manifestations of Modesty
If modesty is scolded, insulted, Anger can be a manifestation. Modesty is indifferent to glorifications, honors, gifts, but when its human dignity is offended, Modesty can manifest itself in the form of an outburst of Anger.
Humility is generally the absence of anger, and modesty is the absence of a desire for honor. Humility is a necessary step towards humility.
Properties of Indiscretion
If a person cannot evade honors, but this in no way speaks of his indiscretion.
Manifestations of indiscretion are when a person focuses on himself, behaves in a mannered manner, speaks loudly, with pathos and commanding notes in his voice, is dressed brightly, and shows Envy.
Indiscretion as a manifestation of pride constantly comes into conflict with others, and this leads to suffering and pain.
When a person does not speak sincerely, with pathos, people consciously or unconsciously oppose his indiscretion.
Energy negative background in communication with an indiscreet person, as a rule, can be clearly distinguished.
In communication in society or society, the risk of conflict increases, and this is pain and suffering. The ego of indiscretion clashes with the mass ego of others.
Unlike indiscretion, modesty is always in a state of peace, that is, its mind is calm. Peace is peace of mind, that is, the mind of a peaceful person is not excited by his ego, he is constantly at rest.
An immodest person, without showing honors to him, is envious. Indiscretion without honors grimaces and comes from envy. Modesty behaves calmly, unpretentiously, always does his duty well, with and without honors. Indiscretion, if beckoned with honors, will fulfill its duties, and it would never occur to her to disinterestedly fulfill her duty.
Lack of modesty is a burning desire for honors
Indiscretion is not stable, without remuneration, privileges and honors, it is inoperable.
In other words, it is difficult to have a relationship with an immodest person. He does not work stably, conflicts with people, he is not respected. Working in a team with the manifestation of immodesty of one or more employees will corrode envy.
The test of modesty is the praise of the Flatterer
The flatterer will always find a corner in the soul of indiscretion. Indiscretion is manifested by a laudatory statement addressed to a person. Expecting honors and indiscreet person, blurry with praise, unable to hide her reaction. Amuse your Pride - this is what awaits indiscretion.
Modesty, indifferent to praise. Humility is the opposite of arrogance.
These two qualities form a scale of opposites such as Modesty - Insolence When modesty becomes the manifested side of the personality, we consider such a person to be modest. According to the esoteric laws of personality development, Modesty is a quality of a Holy person.
Real, not ostentatious Modesty attracts Modesty. As an example of life - if a modest girl wants to get married, then like attracts like. An impudent girl will attract the attention of men who are interested in her body, and not the inner world.
Modesty manifests itself inside a person - this is inner purity and the ability to preserve and protect this purity.
Modesty is the most powerful weapon of a Woman in the fight for a Man
Modesty is one of the qualities of a strong personality. The strong personality of a humble person is not weighed down by Pride. A strong person sees the Events and society of the outside world without prejudice and selfishness.
Humility does not tend to find fault in other people. This is the fundamental property of this quality.
Envy is a sign of lack of modesty
Modesty lives in harmony with its desires and capabilities, it is not pretentious and restrained. She is disgusted by excesses, luxury and pernicious desire. Therefore, modesty will reach the material goal faster than indiscretion. The external goal is achieved through the realization of the internal goal.
The internal goal means to cultivate the best qualities of the personality in oneself, and then the external goals are realized automatically.
As an example: The goal of a husband is to be respected by his wife and children.
Forcing oneself to be respected through external manifestations - giving gifts, showdowns and scandals - will not achieve the Goal.
But if he sets an Inner goal - to transform and become a responsible person and strives for this goal, the result will not be long in coming. Women respect responsibility in a man. Feeling the changes in the behavior of the father and husband, his relatives will change their attitude towards him for the better.
Indiscretion fails to listen
Active listening implies Humility. This personality trait is the opposite of Pride, so indiscretion cannot claim it. Pride grows and activates the Egoism of a person's Personality.
Gradually, the Ego of a person destroys the Consciousness, and he begins to feel omniscient, the most intelligent and irreplaceable. The disease is progressing. This means that modesty is lost, the ability to further develop, improve, progress is lost. When a person and Personality was humble, he could listen to other people, learn from them. That's when he was happy. On the baggage of past merit, a person tries to confirm his importance.
Selfishness Indiscretion and Greed
Character property Greed is manifested as a negative manifestation of indiscretion. A person who has lost modesty suffers life's failures. When a person's consciousness is infected with Egoism, he is unable to convey his thoughts and knowledge to other people. When a person is in Pride, he cannot convey anything to people, they simply do not understand him.
What is modesty? This is an extremely versatile quality. Someone it advertises in the best light, others interfere with life.
On one side of the scale - sweet shyness, feminine shyness, worthy restraint. On the other - awkwardness, excessive modesty and indecision in important matters.
Coming to meet the groom's parents, it's nice to be modest. But getting a job or demanding a salary increase, shyness is not good.
Men will certainly add that modesty is good outside the bedroom: they really like it when angels turn into tigresses after dark. “In the still waters” what is not found, you just need to search well.
What is modesty in appearance? There is such a thing as "modesty of the body." This is a moderate display of his bare parts and juicy details.
As soon as people began to cover themselves with fig leaves and change clothes in the bushes, one can speak of a manifestation of bodily modesty.
Immodest appearance implies a deep neckline, bright patent leather studs and a ribbon instead of a skirt. I remember the joke about Bridget Jones: “Darling Bridget, your skirt got sick and didn’t go to work?”. 
Modest can be not only appearance. Both the behavior and the way of life of many people fall into this category. They are not prone to luxury.
Modesty is the absence of ostentatious demonstration of one's virtues and wealth: physical, mental, spiritual, material. “Boasting is not good” - this is how kids are brought up today.
A modest life is a life without frills. Modest behavior is not only the observance of etiquette, but also a humble attitude towards life in general.
Of course, a modest fellow will not throw his legs on the table, shout loudly in church and swear like a shoemaker.
He also has a tendency to not want to draw attention to himself. Modest people are rarely in the center of the crowd.
They do not brag about their successes, do not flaunt their achievements and merits. It is unlikely that they could become presidents and pop stars. Public success and modesty don't go together..
It is believed that modesty makes a person beautiful. However, in any quality, a sense of proportion is important. Imagine a situation where a guy's parents meet his fiancee.
If she comes in in a nightgown instead of a dress, drinks a glass of wine in one gulp, starts singing songs and telling jokes, they will probably get scared.
And if he sits without raising his head, is afraid to answer questions, nervously fiddles with his purse and does not support the conversation, will it be successful? In 80% of cases, they will fall in love with a moderately modest girl who communicates politely, smiles shyly and is decently dressed.
No one will argue that excessive boasting does not paint a person. But sometimes the presence of "active conceit" about one's person helps to achieve heights.
If a person declares to everyone that he is very capable, pretty smart and beyond measure handsome, others begin to believe in it.
And others, much more talented, but modest, remain sitting as gray mice behind office partitions. And it’s not easy for soulmates to discern a kindred spirit through shyness.
If you notice that too much modesty hurts you try to keep only her the good side. Learn to communicate with people, openly smile at them, ask questions and answer in detail without trembling in your voice.
Rehearse your speeches, practice in close company (for example, making a toast at a banquet), speak in public.
Chat with strangers - cashiers, consultants, moms at the playground, taxi drivers. Perhaps one day you will like to shine in the spotlight, and success will intoxicate you!