Despite the fact that most of us like to boast about our inner freedom and relaxedness, many people around the world still continue to suffer from excessive timidity, unsociability and inhibition. Of course, this hinders them not only in terms of their careers, but also in their personal lives.
With people? Do you think it’s difficult and you can’t cope? You are wrong! Knowing a few is enough simple rules, then you can easily establish contact with any interlocutor.
So, the topic of our conversation today is “Communicate with people without problems.”
Rule one. Main
If you are determined to learn how to communicate with people, remember the most important rule: “People will treat you the way you treat them.” Those. By and large, this is the mirror principle. Therefore, it is important not to forget that if your relationship with a particular person is important to you, try to always speak kindly and slowly.
Smile
Join the conversation
How to learn to communicate with people if it is unusual and uncomfortable to even begin to express your own opinions? According to psychologists, if you are in an unfamiliar company, try not to engage in dialogue at all for some time, at least until you finally determine the topic of the conversation. Just sit and listen. And don’t worry, no one will regard your silence as a sign of unfriendliness. On the contrary, companies really love and value listeners. You know, there are always many more people who want to talk and express their point of view than those who are ready to listen to the end, only asking clarifying questions from time to time.
Facial expressions and gestures
Surprised? Yes Yes! Your gestures and facial expressions are no less important than anything else. If you try to hide it, the person may think that your behavior is somehow unnatural, that you are hiding something and most likely deceiving. Although remember that excessive gesticulation is a sign of nervousness. And, you see, few people will like this. Shall I tell you a secret? If you really want to know how to learn to communicate with people, remember: leisurely, small and soft gestures, and especially open palms, are one of the ways to please others. In addition, psychologists advise using the so-called “mirroring” method, which consists of trying to copy the rate of speech and gestures of your interlocutor. The better you do this, the more likely it is that you will be seen as a like-minded, almost native person.
Sight
The eyes, of course, are another important point. And this is not at all surprising. After all, it is with the help of views that, according to scientists, we receive up to 90% of all necessary information.
In this article, I tried to talk in as much detail as possible about how to learn to communicate with and give each other pleasure from this conversation. But believe me, the most important thing is not your behavior or speech. You yourself should be an interesting conversationalist. If you want to gain popularity, communicate more and have a huge number of friends, try to captivate the person, keep up the conversation, let your eyes glow, never leave your lips, and let life boil. And then, believe me, you won’t have to look for communication, it will find you on its own.
Communication on VKontakte between a guy and a young lady often develops into virtual friendship, telephone dialogue, and then it’s not far to a real date. However, to achieve such progress, it is important.
If you don’t know what to talk about with a girl, what topics to choose for conversation, stick to the following tips experienced network users.
If you have no idea what to talk about with a girl, first remember what you know about this interlocutor.
Let’s say you already know each other (you have mutual friends, just a casual acquaintance, you’ve been corresponding for quite some time), in this case it will be much easier to conduct a dialogue on VK.
You just need to ask the right questions that relate to changes that have occurred since the previous communication.
If you just want to communicate with a woman online, carefully study her page - photos, list of communities, downloaded audio and video files. Such an “audit” will tell you the hobbies of a potential interlocutor and will help you choose really interesting topics for conversation with a girl.
If you notice something that unites you - acquaintances, studies, hobbies - offer to talk about this particular topic. As a starter, you can post a “piece” of your biography, telling some interesting incident from your life.
There is no need to immediately talk about personal topics, since adherence to principles, characteristic of young people, can reduce communication to nothing.
Don't know what to talk about with a girl? Be guided by the situation and once again carefully review all her photographs in contact. Probably, something in a girl’s appearance will give a clue and help maintain the conversation that has begun. For example, in the photo, a young lady is hugging a cat (find out his name), sitting on the bank of a river (ask if she knows how to swim when the photo was taken). Finding questions is not that difficult, the main thing is to be attentive to the details.
Topics for conversation with girls
Your task is to correspond on VK with the young lady in such a way that it is interesting for both of you. To do this, you need to find suitable topics for communicating with the girl. A representative of the fairer sex is unlikely to be pleased by a long conversation about cars or football news.
You need to be careful when choosing questions that you don’t particularly understand, so as not to appear stupid in girls’ eyes. It is also not permissible to argue while discussing such topics; this can make your interlocutor laugh.
What questions should we discuss? The simplest and rational decision– choose so-called eternal topics for dialogues. It is worth dwelling on them in more detail.
- Relationship. Ask what kind of men your interlocutor likes, what she expects from a relationship, and what behavior she will not tolerate from a guy. Naturally, one should not insist on discussing this topic if the girl is not ready for excessive frankness. Don't ask vulgar questions either.
- Cinematography and music. You can chat with a girl via VKontakte using the following current topics, like new movies, music, television series or television shows. From the correspondence you can find out what the young lady’s favorite actor, film, or musician is. Then these questions should be smoothly translated into the possibility of going to the cinema together.
- Hobbies. Another “eternal” topic that will interest both a guy and a young lady is hobbies and sports. Ask what your interlocutor’s hobbies are, how she spends her free time, and whether she plays any sports.
- Reading. Nowadays it’s not so easy to find a girl in contact, or even in real life, who would be passionate about literature. If your interlocutor is an avid bibliomaniac, discuss what literary genres are close to her, and what books by writers she has read over the past week. You can show your erudition by including quotes and aphorisms from classical works into your conversation.
- Memorable or favorite places. You can also chat on VKontakte about the sights of the city in which you both live. Discuss the girl’s favorite city places, find out which cafes she prefers to sit at and have a cup of coffee. This information can then be used when asking you out on a date.
- Travel or vacation. You can also chat with your interlocutor on VK about planning a weekend getaway, traveling during the holidays or vacation. A guy and a girl can be united by a common love of travel, active recreation, or a vacation spent in the same place.
- Study or work. Questions about educational or work issues also belong to the “classic” topics of communication in VKontakte and other social networks. You can ask your interlocutor how her day was, so she can feel cared for by the guy.
- Animals. Representatives of the fairer sex usually love to talk about their pets and will be interested in a guy who also shares this interest. Find out if the girl is a cat lover or a dog lover; perhaps she keeps parrots at home. Most likely, you will see these very favorites in the photos on VK.
Naturally, you don’t need to correspond on all these topics at once; choose for dialogue only those questions that are interesting to your interlocutor and you. In this case, communication in contact will not seem like an interrogation to the girl, but will look like a casual conversation.
To keep the conversation going, insert stories about your hobbies and skills as you write, but in a way that doesn't seem like bragging.
For example, if your interlocutor is interested in riding, offer to keep her company or teach her bicycle tricks.
If the conversation turns to literature that has been read, offer to read some new book or a continuation of a series that the young lady is interested in. The guy’s task in such a situation is to show his imagination and offer his help.
If you have had a good chat on VKontakte, it’s time to chat on your mobile phone. And then they stand in front of the guy next questions: what to talk about with a girl on the phone, where to find the courage to call and how to carry on a conversation while hearing her voice.
Having taken the girl's phone number, be brave and make a call. At the very beginning of the conversation, make a smooth transition from communication in contact to the moment when you decide to call her. Continue the conversation from the point where you left off during the correspondence. For example, find out how she got home yesterday.
There are no special topics when communicating on the phone between a guy and a girl. You can chat on the above examples of topics, discuss something new that happened while you weren't talking. Perhaps the interlocutor herself will ask questions - serious and not so serious, and you can switch to a new problem of discussion.
Try to listen to the young lady carefully, inserting your emotional comments during the conversation. Be sure to tell her how much you enjoyed talking to her and how pleasant and sexy her voice is. Vulgar hints at this stage are not entirely appropriate.
Rules of communication
Let's say you now know the main topics for communicating with a girl on VK or by phone. However, in order for communication to proceed in a positive way and bring you and your interlocutor only positive emotions, adhere to following rules communications in contact:
- Don’t deceive your interlocutor by inventing non-existent wealth or a successful career for yourself, or by displaying other people’s photographs. If you want to chat not only on VK, but also on real life, the deception will quickly be revealed, and the girl, most likely, will no longer want to correspond with you.
- Don’t pull the “blanket” of the conversation onto yourself by actively advertising yourself. A guy who starts talking or describing for hours how cool he is will, with a 100% probability, be considered by his interlocutor as a narcissist and a narrow-minded egoist.
- If you communicate with your interlocutor as a girl, and not as a friend or pen pal, do not discuss other representatives of the fairer sex with her. The only exception is if you want to compare your interlocutor with some actress (naturally, the young lady will at least be in no way inferior to the celebrity).
- Do not discuss her previous relationships with a young lady, unless she, on her own initiative, wants to discuss with you ex-lover. In general, have a conversation with a girl you don’t know about the ending romance novels is considered bad manners.
- Not all representatives of the fairer sex like vulgar jokes! This is a reinforced concrete rule that applies to every guy, which should be remembered once and for all. Perhaps, after some time, you will move to another level of relationship, and vulgar anecdotes and jokes will be perceived by the young lady with understanding and even pleasure.
- During the conversation, try to ask so-called open questions that will require detailed answers from the interlocutor. For example, instead of “worked today?” ask the girl “how was your work day today?” This way you can significantly prolong and diversify the conversation.
And a few more simple recommendations for a guy who doesn't know how to communicate with pretty girls in VK. There is no need to behave intrusively and defiantly when speaking. Nice young ladies like interlocutors who arouse interest, and not the desire to quickly end the conversation. In addition, it is important to find topics that both of you will like, because both people should enjoy communication in contact and on the phone.
Think about who you want to communicate with. If you want to talk to friends or family, you can do so on the regular site. If you want to meet and chat with strangers, you will need completely different sites.
Use instant messaging services to communicate with friends and family. If you want to talk to someone one-on-one, you can sign up for an instant messaging program or a social network.
- Facebook is a social site that has an instant messaging program. If you add your friends and family as friends on the site, you can chat with them and exchange messages, photos, and so on.
- Skype is one of the most popular programs for instant messaging, audio and video calls. It is used by millions of people around the world. Skype is available for Windows, Mac, Linux and any mobile device. MSN Messenger recently evolved into Skype. You can use video chat, text messaging and group chat.
- Messaging on mobile device- if you have a smartphone, it will be easiest for you to use it for messaging. You can download Snapchat, Kik, Whatsapp programs. Create a profile - it's free.
- AIM is an instant messaging program. This is a very popular program that is also used by many people around the world. You can communicate with users of this program from an Internet browser or download and install the program on your computer.
You can use instant messaging programs in your browser. There are many sites where different groups of people communicate - those sites are called chat rooms. There are group chats and one-on-one chats. Many of them offer video calling and video conferencing right away.
- Chatroulette and Omegle sites are the 2 most popular chat sites. You will have absolutely no control over who you communicate with. If you have a video camera, you can use it for video chat.
- There are many anonymous chat rooms available on various sites like Yahoo chat, Tinychat, Spinchat and many more.
- Try using Yahoo chat.
Use different programs to communicate with different groups of people in different countries Oh. You can use the IRC service - many groups of people from different countries communicate on it on all topics that can come to your mind. This site may be quite difficult for a new user to understand, but over time you will get used to it and understand all its advantages, and also appreciate them. The chat even allows users to exchange files with each other.
- The most popular IRC messaging client is mIRC. You can also use Trillian or Pidgin to connect to IRC servers.
Life modern man closely related to interpersonal communication. Men and women meet every day at work, in a store or at a sports club. But what to do when you are closed off and don’t know which side to approach when you want to start a conversation? Only outcasts can live in an empty apartment without maintaining contact with anyone, so it is important to be able to find mutual language with other people.
Ways to Achieve Effective Communication
Eye contact
It’s easy to gain the trust of your interlocutor if you look him in the eyes when talking. Do not look away to the left and up, this sign indicates disinterest. If you lower your gaze down and look to the right, your friend may think about a possible trick.
The ideal option is to look at the area between the eyebrows of the person you are in contact with. This technique is used by sales managers who want to “sell” a product. If the interlocutor looks at you at the same time, it will seem to him that you are looking into his eyes. It turns out to be a kind of optical illusion, take advantage of it.
Confidence is an undeniable trump card
Confident people can be seen from afar; they are characterized by a proud posture, direct gaze and head held high. You want to communicate with such a person; he does not use a long prelude before starting a conversation, but immediately gets to the point. Be a confident interlocutor, so you will have an undeniable trump card up your sleeve!
Show your reliability and determination, attract others with these qualities. Such personalities leave an indelible impression on the souls of newly made friends and do not suffer from lack of attention.
"What's in a name…"
When you first meet a person, ask him what his name is. It is important to remember that there is no sweeter song to the ears than sound own name. This is the only way to address the listener. If third parties join the conversation and you decide to tell a story that includes the name of an acquaintance, do not use the pronouns “he” or “she.”
Try to associate your companion's name with positive emotions. Share funny incidents from your life, smile sincerely, tell jokes. Solar personalities illuminate everyone who is in contact with them. Radiate positivity and energy!
Genuine interest
Agree, it’s not interesting to listen for hours on end to a guy or girl talking about their life without showing any interest in you. Such individuals are rightfully considered egoists; do not count yourself among them. Show interest, take an interest in life and don’t burden others with your own troubles. Have a dialogue, not a monologue.
Allow the person to join the conversation, after which the conversation will take its course. Eastern wisdom says: “Say it once, listen the other two!” Stick to the great gurus of philosophy so as not to get stuck in the traffic jam of prolonged silence that occurs when two selfish people meet.
He who does not take risks...
...loses positive emotions. Advice goes hand in hand with confidence. People feel afraid when they want to ask questions or ask questions. They mistakenly believe that they will be rejected or humiliated, but this is far from the case. A situation of this kind occurs due to the imaginary incompetence of the listener, who considers himself unworthy of the interlocutor.
Don’t be afraid of rejection, analyze what is said, ask relevant questions, express your opinion and give advice! Don't let your emotions take over your self-esteem, maintain dignity in any circle of people, regardless of the situation.
"Mirror" effect
Gestures emphasize the spoken words, facial expressions characterize them. The two points are inextricably linked. Don't try to remove your hands when talking, this sign will look unnatural. Excessive waving is also undesirable; the interlocutor may mistake the action for nervousness.
Be calm, do not fold your arms over your chest, this technique means closedness. Stand straight, bend your wrists and clasp your hands. Also, you don’t need to clench your fists, keep your palms open, only in this way can you win those around you towards yourself.
The greatest minds in the United States have proven the effectiveness of communication using the “mirror” method. The method involves repeating the movements of the interlocutor and copying the intonation of his voice. However, do not do it like a parrot; the movements should be soft, unnoticeable and as similar as possible. Psychologists say that the “mirror” brings people together and helps them open up.
Knowledge is power
Read books, watch interesting programs and current films. Stay up to date with events, it’s nice to communicate with a comprehensively developed person who knows how to carry on a conversation. Such personalities gain universal recognition and are placed on a pedestal of respect.
Try to join the company in the first hour of communication, create topics for discussion, and involve others in the conversation. Don't hide your knowledge, but don't be too clever, so as not to alienate others.
Relevance of questions asked
Avoid pauses in communication that will embarrass both sides of the conversation. When contact is just being established and people are not yet accustomed to each other’s company, it is important to create the right atmosphere for further manipulation. Did your interlocutor tell you that he was going to the dacha this weekend? Great, ask him how far away it is and if fishing is welcome there. Do not answer with a memorized “I see,” this statement will confuse anyone.
Avoid questions that can only be answered in one word. Ask in such a way that the other side is forced to answer in detail. There is no need to bombard the person with a series of questions; ask in a measured and “on-topic” manner. If we are talking about construction, the automobile section would be inappropriate.
Correct formulation of thoughts
Did an idea suddenly arise? Don’t rush to share it, think carefully about what you are going to say. Express yourself in clear phrases, don’t jump from one place to another, adapt people to your thoughts. Those around you are not psychics; they do not always understand what is being said, although they nod their heads in response. As mentioned above, “yesing” comes from a fear of asking or an unwillingness to listen.
Keep the story interesting, not monotonous, so that you want to know the continuation. It is important to realize that everyone has their own idea of what is being said. You imagined white sand and a blue ocean, but your interlocutor saw only shells and algae on the shore. Formulate your own thoughts, engaging and fueling the interest of the public.
Openness is not a vice
Be honest and open, do not create misunderstandings due to inconsistencies. Share personal life, but within reason. Choose “not closed” information for the story. When a man or woman cheats, the truth soon comes out and ruins the friendship.
Now it is important to create that inextricable connection between opponents, because of which you will meet again over a cup of coffee. Open people quickly find friends, but also often betray them. Look at the situation, if the interlocutor does not inspire confidence, do not share your secret.
Openness is associated with integrity and honesty, two qualities business man. As a rule, girls are more relaxed, and over a bottle of good wine they loosen their tongues. It’s more difficult for guys in this regard; they don’t share their experiences with the first person they meet.
Personality is determined not only by opinion, strength of character and desire for more, but also by complexes, fear and shyness. What to do when the break in communication has been so long that a barrier has formed? Let's talk about everything in order.
Lack of common themes
Don't know what to talk about? There are a number of common topics that will set the stage for further conversation. Discuss the latest in the film industry, popular sports trends, world news, and finally the weather and nature. When discussing the above topics, you do not need to have astronomical knowledge.
Intrigue and gossip
Are you relaxing in the company, and a girl about whom there are still rumors is pestering you with conversations? Do not succumb to provocations, ignore gossipers and envious people. Cultivate a useful quality - to judge a person based on your own beliefs, and not long tongues wagging behind your back.
Adrenaline rush
Is your interlocutor talking utter nonsense? Are you starting to argue and prove you are right? Stop. You need to be able to cope with the storm that destroys further communication. Go to Fresh air, catch your breath.
It doesn’t matter what the true motives for the behavior are - a disagreement with your husband or the departure of a girlfriend. Don't take your anger out on others, putting yourself in an awkward position. You will say nasty things to your interlocutor, for which you will subsequently suffer from remorse.
It is difficult for closed personalities to step over themselves and say a couple of phrases to maintain a conversation. However, communication skills are as necessary as writing and reading skills. Experts have developed a number of recommendations with the help of which you will move from a dead point.
Imaginary conversation
As ridiculous as it may sound, talk to the furniture. Tell your closet how you spent your day and what you had for lunch. Sociologists talk about the effectiveness of the procedure, because it is much more difficult to communicate with inanimate objects than with people. Try to construct sentences that are coherent and interesting. If the idea seems absurd, get a pet and communicate with it.
Sweet Praise
Pay attention to the personal qualities of your interlocutors and praise their skills. Did you like your colleague's blouse? Don't be shy, tell me. Did the cafe make excellent coffee? Don't skimp on a sincere compliment. Words must come from the heart for people to believe you.
Chatting with random people
Make it a goal to have conversations with strangers every day. Are you going to the store to buy bread? Chat with the saleswoman about the freshness of the product. Can't find the right street? Ask your grandmother standing at the bus stop for directions. Greet the concierge and smile. The method is effective, despite its simplicity. It will eradicate the fear of being the first to start a conversation.
Interaction with others is an integral part of everyday life. Real communication skills come with practice. Delve into your opponent's stories, ask questions and be sincere. Use exercises to improve communication skills, overcome all kinds of barriers and fight emotions. Address your interlocutor by name, join the team and become the life of the party!
Video: how to learn to communicate with people