What to do if everything in life goes wrong: tips. What to do when everything goes wrong

Illustration: Yelena Bryksenkova

The best exit is always through. ~ Robert Frost

“I am sitting in my hospital bed waiting for both breasts to be removed. But in a strange way, I feel lucky. So far I have had no health problems. I am a 69-year-old woman… In a few hours I saw dozens of cancer patients in wheelchairs and on gurneys. And none of them were over 17…”.

This is an excerpt from my grandmother's diary dated September 16, 1977. I read it about 10 years ago. He will remind me that there is always something to be grateful for. And no matter how good or bad I feel, I have to wake up every day and be thankful for life, because someone somewhere is desperately fighting for it, writes writer and blogger Mark Chernov.

The truth is that happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Here are some reminders of this:

1. Pain is part of growth.

Sometimes life closes the door because it's time to move forward. This is even good, because often we do not start moving until circumstances force us to. When times get tough, remind yourself that there is no pain without a purpose. Move on from what hurts you, but never forget the lesson she teaches you. Just because you're struggling doesn't mean you're failing. Every great success requires a worthy struggle. Everything will be alright; most likely not in a moment, but eventually everything will be ... Remember that there are two types of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. Instead of resisting this pain, let it help you.

2. Everything in our life is temporary.

Whenever it rains, we know it will end. Every time you get hurt, the wound heals. After the night, the day always comes - every morning reminds you of this, but nevertheless you often forget it and believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. And this too shall pass.

If everything is good right now, enjoy it, because it won't last forever. If things are bad, don't worry - and it's not forever. That life is not easy in this moment doesn't mean you can't laugh. If something bothers you, it does not mean that you cannot smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. Every second you get a second chance. The chance you must take.

3. Worrying and complaining won't change anything.

Those who complain the most achieve the least. It is always better to try and fail than to do nothing and succeed. Nothing is over if you have lost; it's all over, if you're only complaining. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don't let the shadows of the past obscure your future. Let the experience you gain improve your life. And no matter what happens in the end, remember that true happiness only comes when you stop complaining about your problems and start being grateful for all the problems you don't have.

4. Your scars are symbols of your power.

Never be ashamed of the scars that life has given you. A scar means that there is no more pain and the wound has healed. This means that you have conquered the pain, learned the lesson, become stronger and have moved on. The scar is a tattoo of triumph. Don't let your scars hold you hostage. Don't let them make you live in fear. You can't make scars disappear, but you can start to see them as a sign of strength.

Rumi once said: The wound is where the Light enters you.". Nothing can be closer to the truth. Out of suffering came the strongest souls; the most powerful people in this big world marked with scars. Look at your scars as a slogan: “YES! I DID IT! I survived and I have scars to prove it! And now I have a chance to become even stronger.”

5. Every little struggle is a step forward.

Patience is not waiting; it is in the ability to save good mood by working hard for your dreams. So if you're going to try it, go all the way. Otherwise, there is no point in starting. This may mean a loss of stability and comfort for a while. You may not be able to eat what you are used to or sleep as much as you are used to for weeks on end. This may mean changing your comfort zone. It can mean sacrificing relationships and everything you know. This may mean the appearance of time that you will spend alone. But it is loneliness that makes many things possible. This is a kind of endurance test, on how much you really want to achieve the goal. And then you will understand that the struggle is not an obstacle on the way, it is the way. And he's worth it. There is no better feeling in the world... than knowing you are ALIVE.

6. Other people's negativity is not your problem.

Be confident when bad things surround you. Smile when others try to beat you. It - easy way support your own enthusiasm. When other people talk bad about you, keep being yourself. Don't let others change you. You can't take everything too close, even if it seems personal. Don't think that people are doing things for you. They do things for themselves.

First of all, never change in order to impress someone who says you're not good enough. Change if it makes you better and leads you to a brighter future. People will talk no matter what you do or how well you do it. All jokes aside, you only have one life. Therefore, do what makes you happy and be with those with whom you feel good.

7. What should be will eventually WILL be.

You are filled with strength when, instead of screaming and complaining, you prefer to smile and appreciate life. There are blessings in every struggle you face, but you must be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You cannot make things happen. At some point you have to let go and let what is meant to happen happen.

Love your life, trust your intuition, take risks, lose and find happiness, learn through experience. It - long trip. You have to stop worrying, questioning and doubting all the time. Laugh, live in every moment of life and enjoy life. You may not know exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive where you need to be.

8. The best thing you can do is keep moving.

Don't be afraid to get angry. Don't be afraid to love again. Don't let the cracks in your heart turn into scars. Realize that strength is increasing every day. Understand that courage is beautiful. Find in your heart what makes others smile. Remember that you don't need many people in your life, so don't strive to have more "friends". Be strong when the going gets tough. Remember that the universe always does what is right. Admit when you are wrong and learn from it. Always look back and see what you have achieved and be proud of yourself. Don't change for anyone if you don't want to. Do more. Live easier.

Just keep being YOU.
Keep growing. Keep moving.

Translation of the article "8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong"

I sit stone-faced, staring at the wall. Complete paralysis of will. Consciousness is clamped in a vise and is trying to get out of the gap into which I drove it. Optimism has long since melted like last year's snow. How to be?

Work not completed on time, various kinds of obligations, "running out" deadlines, "draconian" contracts make you feel like a mouse driven into a mousetrap. And then there comes a moment when you realize that this is the end. A familiar picture?

Sometimes months or even years of hard work go to waste. The efforts made and the shaky health did not bring any results. What to do in this case?

There is wisdom: if you have sunk to the bottom of the abyss, you have only one way - up. And to start climbing there, you need to find the strength in yourself.

People who have been in a similar situation at least once advise:

Give yourself time. It is clear that in a situation of force majeure events you will not particularly relax, but still.

It is better to stop than to continue driving "at idle". Admit to yourself that at the moment you are absolutely ineffective, you are of no use. Stop, allow yourself a moment of inactivity. It won't make an already bad situation worse. And you will have the opportunity to breathe deeply and think soberly. About what? Read on.

When the New York Stock Exchange crashed in the United States in 1929, it was the start of the Great Depression. Millions of Americans went bankrupt during the disaster. Venerable and fantastically rich businessmen took their own lives out of desperation and hopelessness. The collapse of the New York Stock Exchange was a massive tragedy for so many people.

Now just think: can your problem compete with this event in its scope? Not?

Americans survived the Great Depression. There is nothing in this world that man cannot overcome. Difficulties tend to end. Think about what other people on the planet are currently experiencing: natural and environmental disasters, wars, terrorism. Compared to this, your problems look (most likely) not so tragic. If you're not currently in a hospital bed, that's not bad.

Accept defeat. Accept it as a fact. Sit next to me and drink tea. Treat it not as evil, but as the next stage in your life. Perhaps defeat will become a springboard to new successes. This often happens. Life is so unpredictable that terrible and hopeless (in our opinion) situations lead to interesting solutions and “throw up” new unexpected opportunities. You just need to be patient and wait a bit.

Don't cut off your shoulder. It happens that difficult situation provokes conflict. The people around you now may not be to blame for your failure. On the contrary, they are trying to support you. So hide your resentment and irritation away. Otherwise, in addition to all the troubles, you risk losing the favor of loved ones.

Persistence in striving to achieve your goals does not always give instant results. Very often things don't go the way they want, no matter how much effort they put in. Even if plans are ruined because of little things, it is very unsettling, sometimes even depressing. You need to react to such moments in time, then they will pass quickly and painlessly. Psychologists recommend adopting simple but effective trainings, as well as various manipulations aimed at reducing emotional stress.

The correct conduct of basic training is based on the assimilation of a number of statements that allow you to overcome moments of crisis:

Problems are a stimulus for development. If life closes one of the doors in front of us, we should not try to climb through the window. There are still a lot of doors, we just didn’t pay attention to them before. You need to learn to assess the situation from different points, to use your hidden resources. Difficulties do not slow down, they only require a change in direction.
You need to take your chance. Do not wait for him, namely to catch! People who are accustomed to acting from starting points (for example, "I will start teaching foreign language from the first number"), rarely achieve what they want. When things go wrong, there is no need to wait until the situation improves and activity can be resumed. You need to act constantly, regardless of the circumstances.
Excitement and complaints about life are an unnecessary release of energy and a waste of time. Some people in difficult moments begin to seek sympathy from others, others try to quickly forget about the failure and start implementing a new project (or an old project, but in a new way). The first ones receive words of support, but that's where it ends. After some time, they realize that they will have to solve their problems on their own. The latter, without stopping for a minute, are looking for new ways to solve difficulties and most often find them, even winning in the end.
Negativity from others should worry only themselves. Turning off the perception of negativity from acquaintances, colleagues, relatives or just passers-by is not at all easy. Many have been working on this for years. And for starters, a charming smile that irritates ill-wishers so much will do. Even if at first after that you want to cry into the pillow at night, after a while this desire will also pass.

You just need to move away from everything that is so annoying or does not work out for a while.

Unusual but effective options emotional release:

Breaking dishes, piercing screams, destruction of things that cause unpleasant associations - this is the last century. Today, psychologists recommend relieving stress in more pleasant ways. A visit to the spa or a massage session is suitable for lovers of everything traditional. The rest should think about swimming with dolphins, health sleep, occupational therapy.
An unusual hobby well distracts attention to itself, which means it clears thoughts. Against such a background, a solution to the problem or the best way out of the situation usually comes to mind. But the type of activity should be really unusual, not like everything that has been practiced up to this point.
Finally, you just need to temporarily move away from everything that is so annoying or does not work out. Not given education? You can take academic leave. No career options? Why not get additional education, suddenly it will become a real vocation?

And yet, a person whose everything is going wrong should once again reconsider their goals and aspirations. Maybe he just chose the wrong road or is moving along it in the wrong direction?

There are periods in life when it seems that everything is not going as we would like ... Whether it is serious health or financial problems, or discord in the family, conflicts with children ... As L. Tolstoy once said: “Everything happy families happy alike, and every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

The truth is that everyone has problems and always, and happiness is not the absence of difficulties in life, but the ability to deal with them. No matter how bad or good you feel, start your day with gratitude. Look at what you ALREADY have instead of obsessing over missed opportunities and losses.

Here are some more important reminders. Read them every time you feel like giving up:

1. Pain is part of growth.

Sometimes life closes doors because it's time to move. And this is good, because we often do not start moving unless circumstances force us to. When times get tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurts you, but never forget the lesson she teaches you. Just because you're struggling doesn't mean you're failing. Every great success requires a worthy struggle to be present. Good things take time. Stay patient and confident. Everything will be alright; probably not in a moment, but in the end everything will be ...

Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. As you go through life, instead of resisting it, let it help you grow.

2. Everything in life is temporary.

Whenever it rains you know it will end. Every time you get hurt, the wound heals. After darkness there is always light - you are reminded of this every morning, but nevertheless you often forget and believe that the night will last forever. It will not happen. Nothing lasts forever.

So, if everything is good right now, enjoy it. It won't last forever. If it's bad, don't worry, because it won't last forever either. Just because life isn't easy at the moment doesn't mean you can't laugh. Just because something bothers you doesn't mean you can't smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. Every second you get a second chance. You are given a chance, and you just have to use it.

3. Worrying and complaining won't change anything.

Those who complain the most achieve the least. It is always better to try to do something big and fail than to try to do nothing and succeed. Nothing is over if you have lost; it's all over, if you're really only complaining. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don't let the shadows of the past obscure your future. Today's lamentations about yesterday won't make tomorrow brighter. Let what you know improve the way you live. Make a change and never look back.

And no matter what happens in the end, remember that true happiness only begins to come when you stop complaining about your problems and start being grateful for all the problems you don't have.

4. Your scars are symbols of your power.

Never be ashamed of the scars life has left you. A scar means that there is no more pain and the wound has healed. This means that you have conquered the pain, learned the lesson, become stronger and have moved on. The scar is a tattoo of triumph. Don't let your scars hold you hostage. Don't let them make you live in fear. You cannot make scars disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You may begin to view your scars as a sign of strength.

Ryumi once said, "The wound is the place where the Light enters you." Nothing can be closer to the truth. Out of suffering came the strongest souls; the most powerful people in this big world are marked with scars. Look at your scars as a slogan: “YES! I DID IT! I survived and I have scars to prove it! And now I have a chance to become even stronger.”

5. Every little struggle is a step forward.

In life patience is not in waiting; it is in the ability to keep a good mood, working hard for your dreams, in the knowledge that the work is worth it. So if you're going to try it, go all the way. Otherwise, there is no point in starting. This may mean a loss of stability and comfort for a while, and perhaps even your mind. This may mean not eating what you are used to, or not sleeping as much as you are used to for many weeks on end. This may mean changing your comfort zone. It can mean sacrificing relationships and everything you know. This may mean the appearance of ridicule. This may mean the appearance of time that you will spend alone. Loneliness, however, is the gift that makes many things possible. This gives you the space you need. Everything else is a test for your endurance, for how much you really want to achieve the goal.

And if you want it, you will do it in spite of failures and disagreements. And every step you take will feel better than you can imagine. You will understand that the struggle is not an obstacle on the way, it is the way. And he's worth it. So if you're going to try it, go all the way. There is no better feeling in the world… there is no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE.

6. Other people's negativity is not your problem.

Be confident when bad things surround you. Smile when others try to beat you. It's an easy way to keep up your own enthusiasm. When other people talk bad about you, keep being yourself. Never let anyone's talk change the person you are. You can't take everything too personally, even if it seems personal. Don't think that people are doing things because of you. They do things for themselves.

First of all, never change in order to impress someone who says you're not good enough. Change if it makes you better and leads you to a brighter future. People will talk no matter what you do or how well you do it. Worry about yourself before you worry about what others think. If you believe in something, don't be afraid to fight for it. Great strength comes from overcoming the impossible.

All jokes aside, your life is only one. So do what makes you happy and be with someone who makes you smile.

7. What is meant to be will eventually WILL be.

True strength comes when you, instead of screaming and complaining, choose to smile and appreciate your life. There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you must be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You cannot make things happen. You can only try. At some point you have to let go and let what is meant to happen happen.

Love your life, trust your intuition, take risks, lose and find happiness, learn through experience. It's a long ride. You must stop worrying, wondering and doubting at any moment. Laugh, live in every moment of life and enjoy your life. You may not know exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive where you need to be.

8. The best thing you can do is keep moving.

Just keep being YOU. Keep growing. Keep moving.

Sometimes things go wrong in a woman's life...
Personal life doesn’t add up, health leaves much to be desired, there is no job or she doesn’t like it at all, money is running out, constant conflicts with relatives ... In general, bad luck and complete collapse, some kind of black streak and, it seems, there is no way out ...

You try to solve a problem in one area, but another pulls you down. For example, how to achieve success in your career when your health sometimes does not even allow you to leave the house? Or how to meet your love and create wonderful relationships when your relatives constantly put pressure on you, and self-esteem is constantly creeping down?

There are plenty of reasons to just fall into despair and ... create even more problems for yourself! The way out is to stop constantly focusing on what is, and turn your eyes to what you want.

As a rule, we do not allow ourselves to dream and fly in the clouds properly, and if we are full of problems, then dreams and dreams seem even more out of place. We think that the way out of problems is to fight them and win. You have to be strong, have nerves of steel... But it's really not like that at all.

If your life is full of tension, fatigue and pain, this is a signal that you have long needed to relax and allow yourself to become happy without fighting and without trying to deserve it.

Very often, a difficult struggle with difficulties is connected with the fact that a woman from childhood is accustomed to being correct, to be an excellent student - and tries to act as circumstances require of her, and not as she herself wishes. Such women lack boldness, healthy selfishness and contact with their wild and beautiful essence. They do not believe that well-being is their natural state.

We need to stop swimming against the current, stop fighting...
How to stop fighting? Stop staring at your problems.

Is your personal life not working out?
- It's probably because I'm scary or men just don't like me.

Do you often get sick and feel weak?
- Some kind of frail me: all people are like people, but I just get sick right away.

Can't find the right job?
- I'm lazy, mediocre, stupid, useless ...

Or the answer to all questions could be:
- I'm just terribly unlucky!

All this is not true! Of course, you can always find flaws in yourself, you can look for confirmation of your bad luck ... But this will not lead you where you are going to go.

Be bolder, stronger and more confident, not in order to fight all this, but in order to allow yourself to enjoy life now, standing where you are now. Courage and confidence for enjoyment, not for fighting.

You can say:
Well, I will not pay attention to problems anymore, I will think positively and try to enjoy life. But the problems still won’t go anywhere, the pain in the body can’t be relieved right away, the man won’t fall from the sky, new job won't knock on the door, and money won't grow on a tree...

I sometimes answer this to clients: "Hmm, why not?".

It is hard to believe that happiness will fall from the sky, although it can fall.
You need to let what you want into your life in such a way that it is comfortable for you..

Indeed, in one day to get everything you wanted is somehow too much ... And, as a rule, no one chooses this path. More often than not, it's more pleasant for you when everything unfolds gradually and sequentially, but at the same time let it be a little "seasoned with magic", otherwise you will dive too deeply into solving problems again.

If you think that everything depends only on you and on your efforts, you will simply be exhausted again.

But if you imagine that from now on you seemed to be picked up by a stormy current and carried towards the life that you have been dreaming of for a long time,
if you expect a happy outcome,
if you believe that from now on you are lucky,
if you feel like you've found a magic genie lamp or a magic wand,
if you manage not to return again and again to unpleasant thoughts,
if you allow yourself to think that from now on everything will turn out in your favor,
if you find the courage and audacity to say that you don't care what people think about it,
if you trust your body, which asks for comfort, relaxation and pleasant sensations,
if you protect yourself from unpleasant contacts and unpleasant affairs,
if you find the courage to refuse everyone and everything that does not give you pleasure,
and, finally, if you believe that your happiness has been around all this time and was expecting such a positive attitude -

then this is happiness and your dreams will quickly enter your life!

And you don't have to wait a few years or a few lifetimes. Even today, you can feel positive changes in your life. A little bit at first... And then it will take you over. Just don't stop. Your happiness and well-being are worth giving yourself entirely to this process.

Create your life!
The only problem is that many have forgotten that they create their own lives. That the main instrument of creation is your thoughts, your mood, your feelings and attitude towards something.

And for many to start a new, improved version of their lives, it is not enough just for someone to confidently tell them: "You can!".

I tell you - you can!