Mistrust has ruined the future of many good couples. Jealousy is a big flaw in a relationship. She is especially stupid when it comes to the past. But many face it, do not know how to stop being jealous of the past. Nothing is impossible, there would be a desire.

Trust is the foundation of all foundations

Confidence: that you will not be deceived, will not be set up, will not be humiliated - the key to a long open union. In this case, we are talking about a man and a woman. When a person does not doubt a partner, he is calm, not afraid of anything.

In turn, he realizes that he has the same status. These are general unconditional rules - the basis, violating which you can bring down the balance. Moreover, if the rules are violated, both suffer: one, because he deceived, and the other was deceived and feels insulted.

Giving fidelity, we show a person his significance, while taking away our disrespect. No marriage can exist without trust. People simply understand their uselessness otherwise and leave.

It happens that trust has been undermined, but the person regrets it. Then he will have to work long and hard to recover in the eyes of the deceived. It’s worse when it’s the other way around: you’ve been offended, they’re also mocking you, pouring mutual accusations on you. In this case, the wound is often stays for a long time and someone else will suffer from it.

Why does jealousy appear?

Once burned, we wait for history to repeat itself. And it doesn’t matter that there is already a completely different person nearby, who has nothing to suspect. The old wound hurts.

Perhaps the new partner is pure and honest, but he has a past, and he had affairs. It is even worse when he continues to let friendly communication with the previous passion.

Then thoughts begin to appear in my head, constantly fueled by their communication:

• And suddenly I kiss worse;
• Or I don't have that wit;
• Maybe I don't make enough money or I don't cook well.

You can wind yourself up endlessly, sorting through weak spots as you think weak sides. Such thoughts provoke jealousy towards a person from the past.

You need to do something, otherwise your union may plunge into an environment of distrust, quarrels and, in the end, fall apart. But here the fault of both, it will be necessary to solve the problem together.

How not to be jealous of the past?

Jealousy is a sense of ownership and power. These are not very noble emotions. But if they appeared, getting rid of it is not so difficult:

• Immediately, as soon as jealousy has made itself felt, honestly discuss it with the partner. He will understand if he respects, and will take possible measures. But don't demand complete obedience, simple conversation is enough;
• Work on yourself: stop comparing. These are your complexes, they appeared a long time ago, the partner is not to blame for them;
• If you can’t cope on your own, contact a psychologist. He will help to find the reasons, get rid of them. It's good to go to the reception together.

Remember: one person cannot be the property of another, and above all, jealousy upsets the one who wears it. Having got rid of it, peace and joy will appear in your soul. You will start to please loved ones good mood. There will be a desire to do something for them, and not feel sorry for yourself. Nothing else is required.

Experts often face this situation. The first thing they say is that you have to work hard on yourself:

1. Increase self-esteem;
2. Fight your fears;
3. Take your free time with business;
4. Help others;
5. Learn to look at everything with a smile;
6. If you have children, do not forbid to see them. On the contrary, help to establish communication. Become their friend;
7. Do not provoke scandals, they will remind you of the past, make you nostalgic;
8. These memories are natural. Help to forget about them;
9. Learn to believe. At one point, abruptly and without reservation: “Enough suffering, everything is fine!”

Jealousy is characteristic of everyone, it is one of the manifestations of natural egoism, necessary for self-preservation. But sometimes you have to deceive your instincts. Happy and successful will be the one who learns to do this.

Why is the guy jealous of the past?

Separately, I want to say about men. In this situation, they behave ambiguously: they demand that the new partner does not take it into her head to be jealous of the previous one, but at the same time they constantly remind her of her predecessors.

It seems unfair, but how to restore the balance? Find reasons and understand. They are basically the same:

• Women's naivety and talkativeness. Men are owners and hunters, with your excessive sociability, frankness, you awaken these instincts, jealousy, as one of them. Sometimes it is better not to go into details, not to talk too much in conversations;
• Uncertainty about your feelings. Show that you love. Be careful, be kind. Show affection, spend more time around. After all, guys believe in deeds, not words. And there will be no doubts;
• He was deeply in love and burned. Age matters here. If he is under 35, hormones do not allow him to forget the insult. And after this age, everything usually goes away. You cannot cope with his emotions, do not give unnecessary reasons and wait, he will soon become wiser;
• Boredom. It is necessary to find an occupation: work, hobbies, housework;
• There is back side medals. He is poorly informed and comes up with a scenario, which is enough for fantasy. Tell honestly how you lived before, why you quarreled, what was pleasant and what was not, why you broke up. But without fanaticism, but as a teacher in a lesson proves a theorem: dry and to the point. Do this once and forget, do not talk about such topics anymore.

If you want to be happy, be. Don't get hung up on how to stop being jealous of the past, just don't be jealous. Believe me - this is quite within your power, because you are a man of deeds, not words.

Zachary Stockill had a strong serious relationship with a girl, but relentless thoughts about her former love affair destroyed them as a result. Some time later, he learned that the condition had a name and that thousands of people were suffering from it.

I was in my early twenties when I fell in love for the first time in my life.

One evening, my girlfriend and I started talking about our former love interests - as almost all couples do at the beginning of a relationship.

And just then, in my head, it was as if a switch had been switched.

There was nothing special in what she said about herself, she did not tell any special details, nothing exciting or piquant. And yet something has changed.

From that moment on, I could no longer think about anything other than her past relationship.

I grew up in a small Canadian town in northern Ontario. My parents had a wonderful marriage, and I have, by and large, a wonderful relationship with both of them. Growing up, I had no mental problems - no depression, no increased anxiety, no obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I've always liked girls.

By the third grade (I was 8 years old) I already had two girlfriends! But this, perhaps, was the only case when I simultaneously "walked" with two at once. And in high school, I had everything, as in a textbook.

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Then I entered the university and already in my last year I met and fell in love with a girl - such as I had never met before. She was extremely attractive and also smart, artistic, inquisitive.

But when she spoke about her past, I was overwhelmed with emotions that I had never experienced before.

Jealousy for the past

Most of us have an idea of ​​what "ordinary" jealousy is, sometimes manifesting itself as a slight prick of the soul when you see how your partner or partner receives signs of attention at the bar. Sometimes jealousy rears its head when suddenly the name of a work colleague begins to flash frequently in a conversation.

We generally don't like to imagine our companions with someone else, such as with the objects of their former passion, but what I experienced was completely different.

My, let's say, love life was much richer than my girlfriend's, but the very thought of her being intimate with someone other than me began to plague me.

I didn't know then that what I was experiencing was called retrospective jealousy. Now I know a lot more about it.

I started playing different scenarios in my head involving my girlfriend and her ex-lover, imagining that this was really happening, right in front of my eyes. It was like she was cheating on me with him.

Her past suddenly became my present.

I looked at her old photos, read the comments, trying to determine who these people were, what kind of relationship they had with my girlfriend.

I clung to some innocent detail and painted a whole canvas around it. I added my own details and turned something insignificant into a whole extended script.

If we went out to dinner at a restaurant, the first thing I thought about was if she had been there with her ex? We were passing by the hotel, and I suddenly caught myself thinking: did they make love here, in the rooms?

Her former relationship is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep.

Into the social media spyglass

I have become an online detective.

I looked through her old photos, read the comments, trying to determine who these people were, what kind of relationship they had with my girlfriend, if there was anything that hinted at some as yet untold pastimes from her past.

I did all this alone with myself, but it invariably reflected on our real relationship.

I am ashamed to remember how I behaved then.

I tortured her with questions, trying to make her feel guilty about her previous relationship. I was terribly duplicitous, given that my own love life was no less colorful than hers. At the same time, she was practically not interested in my former hobbies.

People who suffer from retrospective jealousy are trapped in obsessive thoughts, painful emotions, and reckless, irrational actions, and then tormented by remorse

But all these disassemblies affected her. Just imagine that your lover is constantly delving into your past, judging you, trying to make you feel guilty, going crazy from some things that no longer mean anything, about which you forgot to even think ... from trifles, nonsense. From some events about which you have nothing to be ashamed of or regret.

Despite all this, my ex-girlfriend was very patient; she tried to reassure me that I had a special place in her heart, that she loved me. And this helped for a short time - until the same repetitive thoughts and questions returned, and sometimes with a vengeance.

It all turned into a vicious circle of unbidden curiosity, bad thoughts, followed by her reassurance and subsequent relief on my part. And then it all started again.

Our relationship lasted for several years, but in the end we broke up. Mainly because of my jealousy.

Misogynist Club

After we parted, I was ashamed for a long time, I felt guilty before her.

I played in my head again and again our showdown, and it was unbearable for me. Stupid quarrels, unnecessary clarifications and the like.

I felt tremendous guilt for acting like an idiot. It was like it wasn't me, but someone else. I understood that it was me, but the feeling was as if some small demon possessed me. It may sound melodramatic, but I really felt like I wasn't in control back then.

Heart-to-heart conversations with friends and relatives, and even with psychologists and psychiatrists, did not give anything. Nobody seemed to really understand me. Everyone basically said something like "forget it, and that's it."

I started googlening things like "obsessive thoughts about my girlfriend's past" and eventually came up with the term "retrospective jealousy" on internet forums. People are scouring the search engines, driving in one thing or another, not knowing how it is exactly called. This is not a very common term.

And the point is that people who suffer from retrospective jealousy are trapped in obsessive thoughts, painful emotions, and reckless, irrational actions, and then tormented by remorse. From what I read about it, I understand that many psychologists classify it as an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.

I met sympathetic people on these Internet forums, but most of the statements there reeked of misogyny - there are a lot of men grazing on the Internet who, in fact, simply do not like women.

There were those who justified their jealousy and used the forums to humiliate women. All this was confusing, because, on the one hand, it was there that I first met understanding, and on the other hand, there was a lot of misogyny and negativity.

But there were also those who went to the other extreme. They branded everyone who was struggling to cope with jealousy about their girlfriend's past, accusing them of a lack of common sense.

I could not agree with this either, and in the end I could not find any community suitable for me, but at the same time I wanted to get to the bottom of it.

Psychologistfamily counselingRelate Ammanda Major:

They come to usfor advicepeople obsessed with past sexual relationships of their partners. Everyone understands what jealousy is, but this particularthtype of jealousy is different from the usual.

The fact is that in this case, a person begins to experience "flashbacks"aboutthoseXdevelopmentsXthat did not happen to them personally,which people did not directly experience. This often leads to an obsessive whirlpool of thought and an irresistible desire to get to the bottom of what was "really" between their current partner and her or his former lover or mistress.

As a result, they can begin to torment both themselves and their other half, and sometimes it can even result in violence.

I recommend in such cases to seek professional help from a psychologist, and there is nowhat matters is whether you are that jealous or jealous, or whether you are the one who suffers from the obsessive suspicion of your partner.

Journey into yourself

First, I needed to find some peace of mind, so I went on vacation to take a meditation course, and there I began to learn more about Buddhism. It was an important step on the way to overcoming my self-esteem, selfishness.

After that, I began to actively read about spiritual practices on my own, started a blog, and then wrote a book, which I initially published under a pseudonym, because I was still ashamed of everything that had happened. The response to her was absolutely stunning, so I launched a special course on the Internet.

Today, there is already a whole online community where people can turn to for advice on how to cope with this condition and what can be done.

I was very surprised even by the number of visits to my site - more than 120 thousand people came to me in the past year and about half of them were women.

There was a time when I thought that retrospective jealousy was something that mainly affected the possessive feelings of a heterosexual man, but it turned out that this was not the case. I have been approached by heterosexual women, and lesbians, and homosexual men, and people of all ages - from teens to those who are well over 70.

Also, I get a lot of emails from people in Saudi Arabia and India, countries where people tend not to talk openly about their sex lives. When I started recording my videos and posting them on YouTube, the response became even greater.

Companions of those who suffer from retrospective jealousy send me heartbreaking letters asking what they can do to help their partner overcome this condition. But I always emphasize that this is a problem that the person himself must overcome, and not they for him. I know this very well myself. My ex love couldn't cure me of retrospective jealousy no matter how hard she tried.

If any of you who are reading these lines now recognize yourself in this story, then the first thing I want to tell you is this: "Do not think that you have to live with this all your life now. It is not so ".

It is possible to overcome retrospective jealousy, and I am living proof of this, as is a small community of former jealousy scattered around the world.

As for my ex-girlfriend, it's a long story. We had long and difficult conversations, but now everything between us, by and large, is not bad. I consider her my friend and she seems to think the same of me. Looking back, I understand that I cannot imagine my life without her, without our relationship. She inspired me to grow, to develop in a direction in which I could not even imagine.

Recorded by Megha Mohan

Drawings by Katie Horwich

A PHOTO Getty Images

Any jealousy usually arises for one reason - we are afraid that a loved one or a loved one will leave us for someone else. Although this fear is most often unfounded and irrational, it is still based on the real possibility that, in theory, a partner may fall in love with a new colleague or meet someone on the Internet.

However, jealousy of the past has no real grounds.

Most often, former partners no longer pose any threat to current relationships, but jealous people cannot get them out of their heads, tormented by obsessive thoughts about former lovers or mistresses of your partner.

The manifestations of the first and second types of jealousy are surprisingly similar. Both cause anger, fear, anxiety, and paranoia. Both can lead a jealous person to do crazy things, such as spying on a partner with spyware on a computer or phone, or "interrogating." Both types of jealousy destroy relationships, and as a result, even a perfect union does not stand up.

Jealousy is always caused by insecurity, fear of losing a partner. And the longer you think about your partner's past, the stronger it becomes.

Both types of jealousy are difficult to get rid of. Moreover, it is usually more difficult to recover from jealousy of the past, simply because it is directed not to the present, but to the past. The very fact that the suffering jealous person understands how irrational his feelings about the events left in the past makes getting rid of this scourge a difficult task.

Intellectually, the jealous person understands that everything that worries him is left behind, but on an emotional level he cannot get rid of heavy thoughts. As a result, he falls into a vicious circle - the more he understands that his thoughts are insane, the deeper he plunges into this madness.

Unfortunately, phrases like "Yes, forget about it already" or "His (her) past made them what they are now" do not help the jealous. If it were so easy for him to decide for himself - “That's it, I won't think about it anymore. Stop living in the past,” he would have done it a long time ago.

How can a jealous person break the vicious circle? Here are three solutions.

1. Don't think.

The more you think about events from the past, the more anxiety will grow, it will begin to feed on itself.

2. Increase your self-esteem.

Remember - if you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. The problem is not in the past, but in our distortion of it. You have a lot of work to do to increase your self-esteem and reduce the fear that your partner will find someone "better". Deep down, we worry about our partner's past because we are afraid of losing him in the present. Think about what you don't like about yourself - you probably think that your partner doesn't like these traits either. Engage in self-improvement.

3. Stop judging.

In jealousy of the past there is often also a strong element of condemnation. Perhaps your partner has done something in the past that hurts or makes you angry. Therefore, it is extremely important to work through and eliminate this condemnation.

So here are three keys to recovery: work on your self-esteem, stop judging your partner, and try not to fall into the trap of overthinking about the past, and soon you will feel the pangs of jealousy begin to leave you.

About the expert

Jeff Billings, author of How to Stop Jealousy About Your Partner's Past in 12 Steps website retroactivejealousycrusher

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The basis on which a happy relationship between a man and a woman is built is trust in each other. A trusting relationship implies the partner's confidence in the personality of the other and in his behavior. Trust in a couple indicates the presence of common value orientations, similar views and beliefs, norms of behavior, according to which both partners manifest themselves with each other and in the outside world. If a man considers adultery unacceptable, then trust in a woman demonstrates her agreement with the position of a man on the basis of an “oral contract” (discussion of this issue). If a woman violates the "rule" - trust disappears, since the act implies differences in the previously agreed upon settings, respectively, in the possibility of repeating adultery.

Simply put, trust is the confidence that you will not be treated badly. What is bad - it was agreed in advance.

If a person is confident in his partner, he has nothing to fear and worry in vain.

Despite this, many couples experience anxiety towards their loved ones. Yes, love, intimacy, trust. But for some reason there is no certainty. After all, before meeting each other, people had some experience that was not always successful or acceptable for the current partner. The past lifestyle and relationships do not quite match the current image of a loved one. Doubts arise. After all, if he was like that in the past, is the option of repetition possible? If a man assures of his fidelity and love, then why does he communicate with ex-girlfriend? Or your mother-in-law seems to accidentally call you by your name former friend his daughter.

On the one hand, what's the difference? We meet, we love each other, we live happily. On the other hand, you can’t run away from yourself and doubts corrode the brain.

Doubts arise in relation to a partner not on empty place. They have deep psychological roots, especially among those who doubt in principle all previous and current partners.

To doubt means not to have a final judgment/decision/attitude on some particular issue. The state of mind of a doubting person is bifurcated and he cannot make a decision or come to a conclusion, having weighed all the pros and cons. You can doubt for any reason, starting from “What time should I set the alarm tomorrow?” to “Is this the woman I would like to marry?”

In relationships, doubts are often based on value, moral and ethical issues: feelings, fidelity, sincerity, etc. If doubts can be dispelled or they are insignificant, then the union of people is harmonious. If doubts are not dispelled by the partner and / or reinforced by the negative of the “doubt carrier”, the relationship will be destructive.

Often doubts torment a person not because of the unreliability of the partner, but because of the psychological barriers of the carrier. It is simply impossible for such a person to prove anything and assure of something. In everything they see negativity, conspiracy, lies. These are the jealous ones. "Religious people are special."

An ordinary jealous person needs an incentive to jealousy: to a certain act of a partner that causes jealousy. Jealous people are special - this is a category of people who do not need a reason. If it does not exist in reality, the jealous person will come up with it. Such pathological jealousy of one of the partners has an extremely destructive effect on relationships in a couple, because the victim of jealousy never knows exactly what she will be convicted of this time.

One of the forms of pathological jealousy is jealousy for the partner's past, for bygone days, for what is no longer relevant. Jealous people constantly doubt their other half, looking for all sorts of evidence of her fall into sin.

Jealousy is the desire for power over another person.

Jealous, a person longs to control the behavior of his partner through tantrums, claims, false judgments. When a person keeps everything under control, it is safe, comfortable, which means that nothing unforeseen can happen. So calm. Thus, jealousy is the desire to feel secure and peaceful. If the partner begins to prove his innocence to the jealous arguments, this serves as proof for the latter that there is nothing to worry about. For a while. Since, in general, the victims of jealous people often stop proving anything to the jealous person, thereby worsening the situation. The psychological state of the jealous worsens, as there is no familiar and permanent evidence and a sense of security.

In this sense, jealousy of the past is a great way to keep your victim hostage for as long as possible.

The victim, for objective reasons, is much less likely to prove his innocence in the past than in the present. In the present tense, you can ask, trace, clarify. As far as the past is concerned, there is no such possibility. A victim on the hook. But in this case, jealous people most often remain with nothing. The victim of jealousy gets tired and exhausted, eventually disappears. Either in yourself or from a jealous person.

If you are pathologically jealous of the past and cannot cope with it, your jealousy has a destructive effect on relationships with a partner and prevents you from being happy, then the following steps will certainly help.

Feel safe in a different way

Jealousy is the result of a desire to feel secure by keeping the situation/person under control. Safety is the basic need of every person. If at some stage of life it is not satisfied, the subsequent life of a person will be dictated by the search for this security. Frustrations of basic needs occur in childhood when interacting with significant adults (parents). Their job is to provide a sense of security for the child. It did not work out - the information goes to the subconscious, but the need remains. After that, a person tries to satisfy his need, but with other people. Just as significant. With a partner.

As soon as you realize the fact that your partner, whom you are jealous of, has nothing to do with your frustrations, you will feel better.

Raise your value

In addition to seeking to satisfy security needs, jealous people seek to increase their importance at the expense of another partner. Jealousy itself with its claims veiledly screams: “Well, tell me and prove that I am important to you! The past is not important, only I am important!
The significance frustration mechanism is the same as in security (see Step 1). Unfortunately, there is no person who could fully compensate for the significance of a person. This work falls on the shoulders of the jealous person himself.

Therefore, if you want to get rid of jealousy, increase the significance in your own eyes.

Set goals, achieve success, don't quit. Praise yourself for any, even minor, successes. Then you will not be jealous and exhaust your partner, wanting to get confirmation of your importance from him. You will become important to yourself. This is the main thing.

Give freedom to your partner

Being jealous of something (past or present) means waiting for the other person to become what I want in order to satisfy my own frustrations.

As we have already found out, through another person this is impossible. So let go of your partner. Not in a bad way. Just give him the freedom to do what he wants and how he wants. In sincere love relationships partner will not hurt.

It is difficult to meet a person who, in adulthood, would not have experience of relationships, both positive and negative, behind him. Some men have a hard time accepting the fact that their missus lived or met with someone else. Because of this, there is insecurity, a feeling of doubt, and jealousy of the wife's past.

A man, as a wiser participant in a relationship, must accept his partner's past. AT real life everything happens the other way around: a person begins to panic, get nervous, make claims, thereby spoiling relationships, killing feelings, harming not only his beloved, but also himself.

Almost every representative of the weaker sex has encountered a situation where the gentleman demonstrates devotion, seems sweet, caring, and after some time turns life together to real hell.

This may manifest itself as follows:

1. Criticism of girlfriends. Often a man considers his companion's close acquaintances not decent enough, flirting with everyone in a row and forbids joint meetings.
2. Constant control. This is expressed in tantrums if the phone is turned off or no one picks up the phone, demands for reports for each step.
3. Scandals due to the attention of other men. A woman is forced to dress more modestly, listen to claims that someone looked at her, left a compliment in in social networks or tried to meet.

Reasons for jealousy of the wife's past

The root of the problem lies both in the psychological complexes of the man and in the suspicious behavior of his wife:

1. Old psychological trauma. A man who, at least once in his life, has experienced bitterness from the departure of his beloved woman to a former partner, may worry that the situation will happen again and experience severe pain from this.
2. Low self-esteem. It manifests itself in a man's lack of confidence in himself, in his abilities, qualities. He considers himself not good enough and thinks that his wife, comparing him with a former companion, can break off the current relationship.
3. Mental disorder. In this case, some deviations in the man's psyche are a factor of excessive suspicion. A spouse may not even give a reason to doubt her fidelity, but a person will have obsessive thoughts that his wife is definitely cheating on him with his ex.
4. Fear due to a possible emotional connection with a former partner. In every relationship, people make plans, spend a lot of time together, they are connected by things, friends, places. And often they, like anchors, make a woman return to thoughts about past relationships, about how good it was in them. In this case, the emotional connection has not yet been broken. The likelihood of such a situation makes a man worry about the future of the relationship.
5. Constant references to the former. Some women have a habit, as if by chance, of remembering a past companion, telling the details of spending time together - where they went, what they did, and also mention the personal characteristics of the former. A man can interpret this as not cooled love, sympathy.
6. Maintaining Past Contacts. These include correspondence by phone, regular phone calls, communication on the Internet. This undoubtedly leads to jealousy, as it may mean that the relationship is not over yet.

How to get rid of male suspiciousness

This refers to ways to overcome jealousy in relation to former partners, and objects from the past, gifts, as well as the past way of life.

About former partners

1. It pays to be prudent and don't make a fuss. No need to force to forget the former companion. Time heals and past events will be less likely to be remembered.
2. Don't ask about past relationships and what was in them, as it can open up old wounds and harm the marriage. If the wife herself begins to talk, then calmly say that this is an uninteresting topic and transfer the conversation.

Items, gifts from the past

1. Do not force your loved one to throw away donated items. A gift can be useful for her and if her husband does not like it, it is not necessary to throw it away or give it to someone. You need to respect your partner's personal space.
2. Talk to your beloved. Calmly, without hysterics, explain that the wife’s possession of donated items causes unpleasant emotions and ask them to remove them and not wear them.

Lifestyle before marriage

1. Work on yourself. A great way to overcome the unpleasant feeling of jealousy is to put your own thoughts and feelings in order. You need to understand that if a woman did something in the past, it will not necessarily be in a new life.
2. Give new sensations. No need to go there and relax the way the wife did with her former partner. On the contrary, you should give her new emotions and impressions, open up another world. This will allow her to forget the past and plunge into a new reality.

In order to defeat the jealousy of the wife’s past, you need to show a lot of effort, but the work done will bring peace to the relationship, restore peace and harmony, and save the husband from suffering:

1. Understand that the past stays with a person forever. You can't forget the events former life. People and situations are remembered for a lifetime. Most correct option, protecting nerves and health - accept everything that your beloved had and let go of the situation. Do not worry too much, because if everything was fine in the last marriage, then the relationship would not have ended.
2. Take drastic measures. If it is not possible to wean a woman diplomatically from communicating with her ex, then it is worth showing masculine qualities and explaining to her wife in a more rigid form that it is unpleasant when a loved one is in a past relationship with her thoughts and continues to communicate with her ex. In some cases, it is effective to deliver an ultimatum. He will definitely make it clear who exactly is important to the girl. When a loved one refuses to stop flirting with an ex, then you should think carefully about whether such a marriage is needed.
3. take care of yourself. A woman instinctively reaches out to a successful man. Instead of wasting time spying or examining the phone of the missus, it is better to plunge into work, start earning more money, sign up for a gym, dress more beautifully, become an interesting conversationalist, get a new education. This will allow you to feel more confident, overcome jealousy and worry less about some ex there.
4. Need to have self-respect and not stoop to peeping into the phone at night and scandals. It doesn't make a man look good. Jealousy is a feeling that has nothing to do with love.
5. At first, it is better not to take any action. and see what comes of it. If the wife continues to provoke jealousy, even if unconsciously, then it is worth conveying her displeasure to her. No need to follow her bad behavior and arrange an affair on the side in retaliation. This is low for a man.
6. If a heart-to-heart talk does not bring results, then it is worth thinking about the further expediency of the relationship. In any case, you need to act only when there is a real reason to doubt. In other cases, jealousy does not allow to live, leads to loss peace of mind and tranquility, and then to a decrease in health, quality of life and the destruction of a wonderful feeling of love.

Video: Jealousy for a partner's past